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Mel Gibson

• Article feature date: 3 August 2021
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03 August 2021

Melvin Cucumber Gibson LW (1270 - ∞) is a drunk American film director who is about to direct the upcoming unnamed sequel to Joker, and also all the rest of the sequels. Among those sequels will probably be titles such as JJ84, The Naked Joker 666.67, etc. Gibson is also a famed actor and drunk person, and the director of Apocalypto and Braveheart. As mentioned before, Gibson is also a drunk director with the ability to get away with anything using the fact that he is drunk. For this reason, Gibson has been chosen to direct the sequel to Joker, which is the most unnecessary movie of all time. (Full article...)

Pen Island

• Article feature date: 6 August 2021
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06 August 2021

Pen Island is the magical land of glorious writing utensils. Many skinny, smooth, ink- filled appendages fill this beautiful oasis of love. It is a mysterious and wonderful place that, like Atlantis, is believed to exist somewhere off the southern part of the western coast of a well known landmass. Well known. Though no mere commoners have been blessed with the pleasure of viewing its inky waters by its golden and perhaps milky-white shores, Nostradumbass predicted that the truth would someday be "unleashed" upon the world. Of course, any idiot could have easily predicted this. He just lived far enough in the past to predict such irrelevances first, and luckily, nobody cares. Since no commoner has ever seen Pen Island, no one knows where Pen Island is. However, it is believed to be located in the Philippenis. On Penisland, you can find Milos Cubra, the Owner of this spectacular island, he has the biggest pen on the island. (Full article...)

Fight for Your Right

• Article feature date: 17 August 2021
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17 August 2021

"Fight for Your Right" (also known as "(You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (To Party!)") is an allegorical protest song by Brooklyn klezmer rock group the Beastie Boys. The song was released in 1987 in response to the numerous and ongoing human rights violations committed by the United States government against teenagers, though the song's themes are applicable to oppressed people of all ages in all parts of the world.

One of the Beastie Boys' best-known songs, it reached No. 7 on the Billboard Hot 100 in the week of March 7, 1987, and was later named one of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame's 500 Songs that Shaped Rock and Roll. However, the song also generated considerable controversy, especially among politicians and government officials. (Full article...)

Penis

• Article feature date: 28 September 2021
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28 September 2021

The penis is the primary functioning organ of a male human being, with the brain coming in a close second and the heart in a disappointing third. Penises, or penii, come in many shapes and sizes, all of which are useless to a man unless they are one specific shape and size.

The Bible (Genesis) says that God removed Eve's penis and used it to create Adam. She never forgave Him, nor have her female descendants. (Full article...)

UnNews:O.J. Simpson to make triumphant return to acting

• Article feature date: 6 October 2021
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06 October 2021

NEW YORK CITY -- O.J. Simpson is finally making his triumphant return to acting, for the first time since 1994. United Artists has announced that the convicted armed robber former NFL star and actor has been cast as Willy Loman in their film adaptation of Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman.

"We're proud to lure O.J. Simpson out of retirement. He is a screen icon in the Naked Gun movies, Capricorn One, Roots, The Klansman, and who could forget Firepower with Sophia Loren, James Coburn and Eli Wallach?" the studio said in the announcement. "O.J. was born to play Willy Loman and he's going to kill it. You're going to be dead in your seat, and everyone's going to tell him, 'You did it.'"

Simpson couldn't be more excited to resume his craft. "I've long wanted to return to the screen. I've done little things like the prank show Juiced, but I always kept my gloves on. Now I can take them off because they don't always fit." (Full article...)

UnNews:O.J. Simpson to make triumphant return to acting

• Article feature date: 7 October 2021
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07 October 2021

NEW YORK CITY -- O.J. Simpson is finally making his triumphant return to acting, for the first time since 1994. United Artists has announced that the convicted armed robber former NFL star and actor has been cast as Willy Loman in their film adaptation of Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman.

"We're proud to lure O.J. Simpson out of retirement. He is a screen icon in the Naked Gun movies, Capricorn One, Roots, The Klansman, and who could forget Firepower with Sophia Loren, James Coburn and Eli Wallach?" the studio said in the announcement. "O.J. was born to play Willy Loman and he's going to kill it. You're going to be dead in your seat, and everyone's going to tell him, 'You did it.'"

Simpson couldn't be more excited to resume his craft. "I've long wanted to return to the screen. I've done little things like the prank show Juiced, but I always kept my gloves on. Now I can take them off because they don't always fit." (Full article...)

The Camera Obscura Collection of Hans Helmuth Saltzman (1602-1668)

• Article feature date: 8 October 2021
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08 October 2021

The Saltzman family were merchants and bankers within the Hanseatic League for two centuries up to the time of Peter the Great. Their fortune reached its zenith in Hans Helmuth's lifetime, when many of their family members were attached to European courts as diplomats and money brokers, below and behind the aristocratic tier of ambassadors and ecclesiastical envoys, with whom they exchanged patronage for finance. Hans Helmuth Saltzman was an attaché to the Ambassador of Schleswig-Holstein during the latter part of the reign of Charles I, and was an important and impartial witness to the internal divisions of English society at the time. As a youngest son, he was not obliged to devote himself to his family business, and could afford the life of a gentleman-scholar and experimenter. During this period he often collaborated with the Enlightenment greats in England, France and the German states, and some scholars believe that he may have been the true personage of a highly-regarded English playwright (although most disagree, citing Saltzman's lack of discipline in the literary arts during his younger years). His immersion in the process of Scientific discovery, however, was made relatively late in life, when Saltzman was in his forties, when he met the famous inventor Robert Hooke who inspired him with his theories in optics. (Full article...)

Samuel L. Johnson

• Article feature date: 31 December 2021
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31 December 2021

Samuel Leroy "Fuckhermother" Jackson (born December 21, 1948) is a Canadian-American author, actor, and musician. His talent and skill as an actor can be seen in how effectively he plays a wide variety of characters. He plays every role in every big-budget Hollywood film ever made, including Bob the Lonely Plumber with a Heart of Gold in Log Jamming, Jedi Master Mace Windu in Star Wars, and Jules Winnfield in Pulp Fiction. There is no limit to Jackson's talents. (Full article...)

UnBooks:Quentin Tarantino Presents: The Aristocrats

• Article feature date: 1 January 2022
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01 January 2022

All them old tales start with “once upon a time”. This ain't one of them tales. No linear path towards “happy ever after”, standard narrative tropes here. Good storytellers, like the great auteur filmmakers prefer to start in media res, in the meat of the action. So I guess that means you are going to want to find out how I found myself trapped in the boot of a 1966 Cadillac Coupe DeVille, a stomach full of dog semen and human shit, with my teenage daughter's arm inserted elbow deep into my rectum... (Full article...)

Bicycle

• Article feature date: 2 January 2022
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02 January 2022

A bicycle or bike is a form of two-wheeled transportation (one in front of the other) used by Mexicans and these popular three major population subgroups: city dwellers, old people in villages, and those who have not yet become so obese from travelling everywhere by car that they are still capable of moving by their own power. (You know you need to lose some weight when your fat gets caught in the chain...) In many European countries, bicycles are particularly common at railway stations and in canals. (Full article...)

Motorized Shopping Cart

• Article feature date: 4 January 2022
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04 January 2022

Hello there, folks. I'm Howard Hughes. You might remember me from such films as The Aviator, The Crazy Paranoid Billionaire and Boobs in the Sky. Tonight I'm going to talk to you about how Motorized Shopping Carts are the way of the future. The way of the future. The way of the future. (Full article...)

Potatoism

• Article feature date: 5 January 2022
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05 January 2022

Potatoism is a polytheistic religion widely practiced in many parts of the world where stupidity ranks lowest. Potatoism has been called the oldest religion in the world, yet some scholars debate whether it is even a religion by definition. Unlike other religions, the ancient texts and scrolls of Potatoism have been thoroughly vetted by the scientific community and are known to be completely accurate and infallible. (Full article...)

Pfizer

• Article feature date: 26 January 2022
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26 January 2022

Pfizer is an American–German spin-off of Frasier, continuing the story of the prestigiously-named radio host Frasier Crane as he changes his name to Pfizer Antigone-canadensis, to become even more prestigious. Antigone-canadensis is the scientific name of the bird crane. The word "canadensis" starts with a lowercase 'c' so that it looks even more prestigious. Moreover, this article also uses the word "prestigious" too many times, to emphesize how prestigious Pfizer is trying to be. Pfizer is the most snobbish thing in the world. It's a reality show that only wants to prove to you how much it's so much better than all the other shows. Moreover, this article uses the word "moreover" too many times, so that you get sick of Pfizer and its endless prestigiousness. Moreover, Pfizer is a fucking piece of shit because it wants me to get shots in my shoulder. It's a bunch of snobbish pigs who want me to get two fucking shots every fucking six months until this cool Corona is over. Moreover, this article uses the words "this article" too much because it's fucking lame. They only want to prick my shoulder with their fucking needle. Pfizer fucking sucks. (Full article...)