「User:Vaselinepirate2/Vaseline pirates」の版 間 の差分
Vaselinepirate2 (トーク | (Added to categories) タグ: モバイル |
Vaselinepirate2 (トーク | (→Common myth-conceptions: Added content ☺👉👈) タグ: モバイル |
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*moisturizing dry sore teats |
*moisturizing dry sore teats |
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*dipping their chicken nuggets |
*dipping their chicken nuggets |
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| − | *buffing their |
+ | *buffing their thcallywag |
*rectal exploration activities |
*rectal exploration activities |
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| − | *eating up by the spoonful |
+ | *eating up by the spoonful |
| + | *lubricate trampoline springs |
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| − | |||
| + | *coat their hotel room |
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==See also== |
==See also== |
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2023年 3月 28日 (火) 23:08時点 における版
“Patchy is a Vaseline Pirate”
“Slick Rick is a Vaseline pirate, big fun, and a spitty lisp are the colourful signature of Vaseline pirates”
Vaseline in Antiquity
Thought to be discovered by early Pastafarians, Vaseline was originally used as a food condiment by Vaseline pirates. They later learned that Vaseline could be used for lots of other things; such as suffocating ticks, and greasing up things on your body for lubrication purposes. This is what made Vaseline pirates so popular. They look for their treasure.
Chasing pirates of your convenience size tube
While Vaseline Pirates are primarily the lisping club kid, it is thought that some Vaseline pirates to be the ultimate ufc fighter. This often docile white petroleum jelly can be found crouching in doorways, listening to your mother wrapping christmas presents, watching SpongeBoB, and using Vaseline to treat and prevent diaper rash in the baby Vaseline pirates. It is advised that when you do find thiese shy, swashbuckling pirates in a home or office setting, that you do not tap on their glasses. Although they won't make you walk the plank if you do, they may spit in your face while speaking due to their lisps, and become sassier the more you attempt to wipe Vaseline off. In matters of chasing the slick Vaseline pirates, never apply too much Vaseline, and always assure that Vaseline is, indeed, hypoallergenic.
A typical 50g tube of Vaseline is likely to bring you better luck in matters of the heart. Simply use 1, 2 or 3 fingers, and scoop up a little dab of Vaseline, and apply to whatever you want to by gently but firmly rubbing it in. Over a period of 2 minutes after rubbing, it will begin squeaking, moaning, and causing you to shout the likes "Yes, Yes, YES", and "Harder, HARDER, you bastard" with a lisp – and this is the way you know you have properly moisturized something. Keep rubbing until it stops squeaking, moaning and shouting, and you will have to start all over. You may have to really lay into it as a Vaseline pirate, but Vaseline will do the trick every time.
Common myth-conceptions
Contrary to popular belief, Vaseline pirates can also use Vaseline for:
- pwn the n00bz while playing the Wii
- home mortgage refinancing
- warding off white people
- a main ingredient in lava lamps
- block all bitch ass-ness on Snapchat
- a salad toppin'
- moisturizing dry sore teats
- dipping their chicken nuggets
- buffing their thcallywag
- rectal exploration activities
- eating up by the spoonful
- lubricate trampoline springs
- coat their hotel room
See also
Culture
Guides and Media
In the Nudes News
