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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

I am a free man. I understand that the first person singular is un-encyclopedic in tone but this language is absolutely necessary to establish my status as a sovereign citizen, beholden to no laws or government whatsoever. You might say, "You're above the law? What are you, some kind of Jew?" Well, I'm here to tell you (and by my willful volition establish joinder with you) that no one is under any "law".

You see, there is no government – only a giant maritime corporation with contracts called "laws" that the goddamn Feds have led you to believe control you. But they don't. The only real law that controls you is the natural laws of the universe and the Common law of the ancient English. All you have to do to reclaim your natural-born status as a freeman on the land is to say a few keywords to the police and the courts; they'll have no choice but to relinquish their kike-like grasp over you and cede to your superior logic and legal skills. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that Gypsies are stealing your carrots right now? (Pictured)

... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
... that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo?
... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
... that individuals born under the sign of Gemini are often flammable and vulnerable to bear attacks?
... that wearing a Top Hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy?
... that in a world where movie trailers are crucial to a film's success... one man will provide his voice in innumerable trailers?
... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?

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In the news [edit]

Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge (Pictured)
NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays
Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather
Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters
Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop
Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig
Climate activists ruin Jackson Pollock painting, no one notices
Stalemate in Ukraine: Zelenskyy flees for greener pastures
Steamboat Willie enters public domain, several Mickey Mouse horror films and games announced
Santa's Elves on strike
UnNews finally able to write obituaries for Shaft, Bull and Chandler
Will Barbenheimer beat JigSaw in his own game?

Ongoing: Russian Invasion · ABBA
Recent deaths: Akira Toriyama · M. Emmet Walsh · Louis Gossett Jr. · Hype around the eclipse · O. J. Simpson
Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · The U.S. Federal Budget · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for White Broncos · God's curse on the Buffalo Bills (..maybe)

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On this day [edit]

April 19: Clitoris Awareness Day

1559 - Scholars at the University of Padua, Italy, discover the first clitoris in recorded history.
1775 - In a New York study on sexual behavior, researchers find the clitoris to be more important to sexual pleasure than the actual vagina, small penises find new hope.
1913 - The sale of vibrators are banned in France, due to electrical grid overload issues.
1957 - Oral sex becomes a popular alternative to intercourse, condom sales decline.
1998 - Windows 98 is released, memory leaks in the OS cause Bill Gates to be declared the world's "Biggest Clitoris". (Pictured)
1999 - Bill Clinton has a threesome and sorely disappoints, policy wonks tells Americans not to jump to conclusions.
2011 - Aperture Science launches new official holiday, supposedly better than Christmas.

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Picture of the day

You want surreal? Try wasting four hours a day waxing your 'stache until it closely resembles your entire Catalonian name. That's surreal.

Image credit: Imrealized
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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 37,630 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.