UnNews:Religion Section
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Where we report on those who take primitive superstitions seriously.
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Tuesday, April 16, 2024, 07:43 (UTC)
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  TORONTO – A recent study finds that the resemblance of toast can be found on the face of Jesus in several pictures. Most of us have seen the face of Ronald Mc Donald in the randomly distributed rocks of the Martian surface, the Virgin Mary in a grilled cheese sandwich or the Mona Lisa in yo' Mama’s pubic hair. Faces are everywhere thanks to millions of years of evolution wiring our brains to spot them. Now, scientists at the University of Toronto have shown that this Pareidolia effect works two ways.
 Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - Yesterday marked the close of Pope Francis' first and possibly only US tour. It has been such a privilege to welcome the Pope into our bosom as a great nation, and embrace his full-frontal assault of Catholicism in collective spiritual and existential awe.
Proud to bring you rolling coverage of the Pope's historic tour we're dubbing, Papal Smear, UnNews has been working tirelessly around the clock for the past eight days. During this visit, we witnessed many miracles of good portent and peaceful gatherings en masse, a truly rare occasion for both inner-city Philadelphia and the entire island of Cuba.
 BNEI BRAK, Israel -- Local conservative rabbis are sick with worry, anxiety and unease at the increasing popularity of practical, comfortable fashions; more so even than the worry, anxiety and unease that causes their usual kvetching. After much bickering they have responded with the tact, sensitivity and delicate touch for which fundamentalists of all stripes are known; by burning down stores that sell offensive clothing and spraying bleach on women that Rabbi Yosef Elyashiv refers to as "...those nasty whores with their whore legs, whore skin and whore bulges. Whores!"
 EARTH, Sol System -- The Rapture, long awaited by people who don't want to hang around to see how it all turns out, finally occurred this morning, catching even the most militant biblical literalists by surprise. At approximately two o'clock (GMT), various body parts of pious citizens across the globe simply disappeared.
 Uncyclopedia is proud to present an exclusive, never before published column by Chuck Norris, founder of the Chun Kuk Do school of Tang Soo Do Chopsocky, as well as wearer of the 8th Degree Black Belt Grand Master in Tae Kwon Do, another of indeterminate color for Machado Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, rainbow suspenders for Tai Chi and a white apron in Tex-Mex cooking.
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