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Saturday, April 20, 2024, 13:12 (UTC)
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UnNews is proud to bring you, dear precious reader, the stupidest of Funnies, the most inane of Weather, and the most inaccurate of Horoscopes in this new, 3D, super-awesome presentation format. We lovingly invite you to peruse our fine wares, hand-picked from only the most honest of news source merchants.
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UnNews Sunday Magazineedit
HoroscopesWeek 04/20/2024Your birthday this week: Virgo! Virgos are retreating, blasphemous, neurotic hoseheads with a fondness for projectile vomiting at people they dislike. They are prone to fits of pique and serial animal rape, and are frequently caged for the delight of, and the derision by, the public. Keep hands and feel clear of the mouth when feeding. Some good career choices for a Virgo include Foley artist, Senator, sword maker, banana tallier, cantor, recluse and ferryman. Famous Virgos born this week include Robert Goulet, L. Ron Hubbard, Ivana Trump, Ann Coulter, Bill O'Reilly, Courtney Love, Ozzy Osbourne, Dennis Moore, Rene Descartes, Sarah Palin and Rick Moranis.
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Suggested Recreation
While there is a 5% chance of tsunamis Play day, we suggest a complete make-over.
Global Warming Indicator
Global Warming Indicator
International Posts
Special Weather Report:
A pack of domesticated tornadoes escaped Oklahoma, and may be roaming loose near Canada.
UnWeather Station Forecast Stats
This forecast machine, instead of their astrologer, is used by the Bush administration to aid in weather forecasting for hurricanes.