Unquotable:Epitaphs

Unquotable's collection of gravestone epitaphs shows the depths to which some people will sink when confronted with the truth of their own mortality. Even the great Jean Paul Sartre — whose epitaph probably reads, "Merde!" — was known to carve things in stone on occasion, just to amuse his Marxist pals, usually while piss-drunk.

Please note that not all epitaphs here are for people who are actually dead, at least not at the time they were written. In many cases, they are actually suggestions for the person in question, who may be looking for free epitaph-writing help from members of the public at large. By all means, please feel free to add some suggestions of your own.

Celebrities

Ed McMahon	Just scratch this headstone! You may already have won $10,000,000!
Elmo	Hello, everybody! Elmo is dead!
Arnold Schwartzenegger	Hasta la vista, baby.
Andrew Gamache	thats what she said
Andy Rooney	Didja ever wonder what it'd be like to be really, really dead? I did.
Carl Sagan	Out of the billions and billions of epitaphs I had to choose from, I just had to pick this one.
Keith Richards	Don't worry, I still look exactly the same.
Jack Klugman	It's a HOMICIDE!!!
Shirley MacLaine	In my next life, I'll be a famous corpse
Bill Gates	I have fallen to the Blue Screen of Death...
Greta Garbo	I want to be alone.
Homer Simpson	D'OH!!!
Batman	To the BATGRAVE Robin!
Spike Milligan	I told you I was ill.
Stephen Colbert	No sparky!
Steve Balmer	Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers!
Steve Jobs	iDied
Roberto Carlos Braga	Eu tenho muito amor pelas crianças. (I have much love for kids.)
Simone Bittencourt de Oliveira	Então é natal... (So this is Christmas...)

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Historical Figures

Descartes

Je ne pense pas... (I think not...)

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Zork Related People

Zork Player

I hate that grue!

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Uncyclopedians

Sir Bradaphraser	Oh shit, wrong link.
Sir Uncyclopedia	Wikipedia has nothing on the power of the Pop Bomb
Some user	How many times do I have to come back before you finally believe that this is the last time I'm leaving?
Oscar Wilde	Roses are red, violets are blue; I am now dead, and soon you'll be too
The Humbled Master	Sidney Trammell be damned, someone call an ambulance!
Uncyclopedian	Too many N...R...V...s....
Zork Implementor L	*** I have died ***
Metalface	I knew I shouldn't have lit the red candle!
Captain BatFuck Insane	Eyebeams quick
Fraser Aidney	loving husband, devoted mother of three
Captain Obvious	Here lies Captain Obvious. Since he is laying here, he is not laying anywhere other than here and he is dead. Since he is dead, he is no longer living. Therefore, the dead (not living) body of Captain Obvious is laying here (not anywhere else), and is dead.
4.252.99.182	go eat shit fuckers
Some user named Adam	Damn, I should have forwarded that

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