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Today, the right stuff and the wrong stuff are sorted by TikTokers and oversharing online daters, who declare that certain products or habits are either red or green flags. Red flags (example: a mattress on the floor) render their male owners invariably unfuckable. Green flags (example: a nice bed frame) speak to the kind of character that leads to regular coitus and the eventual deletion of Raya.
In SPY’s Green Flags series, we ask a diverse group of people — comedians, musicians, dating coaches, reality TV stars, and more — to tell us what exactly they look for in a potential suitor’s apartment. This week, our flagger is Serena Kerrigan, a New York-based entrepreneur, content creator, and creator of Let’s F*cking Date, a series of card games aimed at helping players take on, yes, the world of dating.
Serena, tell me a story about going into a man’s apartment and seeing something where you thought, Yes, I would like to continue dating this man.
It’s cliché, but my boyfriend has Hermès cologne. To me, it was a very big green flag — just the smell of it. It’s his signature scent, and he’s been using it for years. He has taste; he’s French.
Did he find it himself or did someone recommend it to him?
He found it on his own! That’s always tricky — when you see a man [who has] great products in his bathroom, you think, What girl recommended this to you? That’s unfair, because either we shit on men for having three-in-one shampoo or conditioner, or we shit on them for having Le Labo and Aesop in their bathroom. So, they can’t win — which is also fair, because women can never win.
Would you judge a guy who had Aesop and Le Labo because even though they’re luxury products, they’re more ubiquitous?
No. I think [brands like Aesop and Le Labo] are green flags, too. Men’s beauty and skincare didn’t take off — I think we all thought it was going to when we saw a lot of celebrity product lines — so, I think that when you see a man invest in his hygiene, it shows that he cares.
Plus, as women, we’re taught to care so much. But when a man [shows he cares], it’s a nice meeting of the minds. It shows a level of thoughtfulness.
What other hygiene products would be green flags for you?
My boyfriend always has Altoids in his pocket, which is a little annoying sometimes because it’s kind of loud. I’m like, What the fuck? You can hear it. But I really appreciated that.
On our first date, he offered me one; he was conscious of his breath and wanted to feel good. He cares about his hygiene in a way that I didn’t think I valued until I started dating someone like that.
So you discovered something about yourself and what you value from seeing that reflected back to you on a date.
Totally. And I have seen my fair share of nasty fucking bathrooms. I’ve been in the most fratty-ass apartments. You think they ended in college? They didn’t. So dating someone who actually does care is a green flag.
At the end of the day, I’m the one who’s going to smell his cologne; I’m the one who’s going to smell his breath. I feel like there’s a level of thoughtfulness about the other person.
Now, how did you meet your boyfriend?
He’s a podcast host; I went on his podcast, completely randomly as a guest. We had no idea. You can watch the episode. It’s really funny.
How did things escalate from there?
I was like, Are you hitting on me? I’m down. And he was like, No, but yes. He was trying to keep things very professional. I texted him after the podcast saying I had a really good time. He was like, We should continue over dinner. We became official about three weeks later. We’re coming up on a year together. When you meet your person, you know!
If you’re comfortable going there, what product would be a red flag for you if you saw it in a date’s apartment?
I think it’s not a red flag, exactly, but the one product I’d say is hair gel. I remember that being very specific.
I can picture the texture.
Yeah. A little too crunchy for my date.
