Sex Terms Dictionary

BDSM is a catch all phase used to describe an interest in a number of related patterns of human sexual behaviour including sadomasochism, power exchange or bondage. Strictly speaking fetishism is a not part of BDSM, but fetish imagery but is very common in visual depiction of BDSM activities.

The major sub-groupings are described in the abbreviation "BDSM" itself:

bondage & discipline (B&D)
Domination & submission (D&S, DS, D/S)
sadism & masochism (or sadomasochism) (S&M, SM)

To someone outside of the fetish / BDSM scene it might appear to be a very homgeneous group of people, this is not the case however. An interest in BDSM is a paraphilia and as such the stimulous that brings on the sexual arousal in an individual will vary from person to person. For one person objectification and sexual humiliation might be a huge turn on whilst the thought of being caned by a dominant does nothing to them at all. For another person the reverse might be the case.

This emphasis on informed consent and safety is also known as SSC (safe, sane and consensual), though others prefer RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink), which places the emphasis more on informed consent, and acknowledges the fact that all activities are potentially risky.

Psychological
In the past, sadomasochistic activities and fantasies were regarded by most psychiatrists as pathological, but have been regarded as increasingly acceptable since at least the 1990s. Indeed, the DSM-IV asserts that "The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviours" must "cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning" in order for sexual sadism or masochism to be considered a disorder. People who practice BDSM tend to reject the view of their activities as disordered.

Power exchange
The term power exchange is associated with a submissive exchanging his/her authority to make decisions (either just for a scene, or for his/her entire life) for the dominant's agreement to take responsibility for his/her happiness and health.

The nature of the power exchange varies greatly and can be explicitly negotiated or implicit in the consensuality of the relationship.

Submissive behaviour
A submissive person is one who submits of their own free will and seeks to submit to another. This can be in the context of play times within a set scene, totally immersed within a power exchange relationship or anywhere in between.

Dominant behaviour
A dominant person enjoys being with a submissive person, either just during a scene or as a way of life. Reasons for this include a desire for personal power; being the object of devotion; having the resources and abilities of another human at their disposal; sadism.

Switching
Some practitioners of BDSM enjoy switching — that is, playing both dominant and submissive roles, either during a single scene or taking on different roles at different occasions with different partners. A switch will be the top on some occasions and the bottom on other occasions. A 'switch' may be in a relationship with someone of the same primary orientation (two dominants, say), so switching provides each partner with an opportunity to realise his or her unsatisfied BDSM needs with others.

The humilation, submissive feelings and possible subspace a submissive man feels when he is cuckolded by his wife/girlfriend/Mistress.  Each couple finds there own way in terms of cuckolding.  Some women simply enjoy having there husband watch or know they are having sex with other men, while still having sex with her husband.  Though for some Femdom couples the male is very restricted in terms of sex, masterbation and orgasm.

NOTE: This type of humiliation is sought out by a submissive male and cuckolding should be consensual.

"In Female Domination this term has come to mean a liberated wife who has other lovers for the sole purpose of humiliating her husband and using that humiliation to drive the husband into deeper submission to her. The dominant wife claims that she is free to do whatever she pleases, including having sex with whomever she desires. The husband must be monogamous to her and must suffer the shame of being cuckolded. In Female Domination, often orgasm denial and control of the husband accompanies cuckolding. The wife loves to have sex with another man while denying her own husband the right of having sex with her. It is a mind game and a power exchange." Definition taken from Elise Sutton.

There are many variations of cuckolding, feeling inferior to ones wifes lover is one variation.

If a husband gets off on a wifes sexual power and control and think he's cuckold, then he is. In a good cuckolding marriage the wife will take on outside lovers as a toy and means to enhance the marriage. Ultimately a true cuckold is one who's sexual desire is tied to his wife's sexual desire.

In reality most men simply fantasize about being a cuckold husband.  It's a masturbatory fantasy that will only be played out in there minds or in sexual fantasy talk with his wife.  Most men, even submissive men,  could not handle cuckolding in real life, most can not handle that type of humiliation and degradation over long periods of time.

A man that enjoys the fetish of dressing and serving as a maid, usually for a dominant woman.

This is a unique form of service where a man enjoys acting and being treated as a maid by a dominant.  This type of service usually involves "domestic service" - cleaning, manicures, cooking etc. for a Mistress or Master.  Depending on the relationship "personal service" / "sexual service" may take place as well.  Personal service might include bathing and dressing the female dominant and sexual service might take the form of oral sex provided by the male on the female or perhaps male.