Some people view fighting in relationships as taboo. It must mean something's wrong. And if you never fight, that means your relationship is destined for a one-way ticket to happily-ever-after. It is true that some arguments -- those involving toothpaste caps or how loud you chew -- are as silly as they are damaging. But other arguments are worth having. Why? Because you'll hash out important issues rather than let them fester. You'll likely grow closer to boot. While most of us don't like to fight, try to think of relationships as muscles: They get stronger if you challenge them, test them and put them under a little stress.

Q: One of the most common things couples fight about is, ironically, one of the most difficult things to talk about: sex. But isn't fighting about sex a sure-fire passion killer?

A: We should all be looking for ways to make our sex lives with our partners fresh and better. The only way to do that is by having open conversations. You should be forthright about telling the other person what you want, particularly if you believe he or she may not be making as much of an effort as you'd like. In fact, in a national Men's Health survey of 6,000 men and women, 60 percent of men say they don't think their partner is sexually adventurous enough. Here's the thing, though: 48 percent of women say all he has to do is ask and they're willing to experiment. So put it out there. When you stop talking about sex, you stop having sex. The best time to chat is high noon and fully clothed. In other words, as far away from your typical sex spots as possible. And because it's such a highly sensitive issue, use the right words when hashing out your desires: "I'd love it if …' rather than 'You don't."

Q: Everyone talks about the dangers of arguing in front of the kids. What about arguing about them?

A: While there's a lot of choice in how you decide to punish, reward and set boundaries for your kids, the most important part of being parents is being each other's support system and being jointly involved. Studies suggest that children whose parents are "highly involved" in their school-related activities perform better academically. Unfortunately, in many couples, either dad or, more likely, mom sets the rules. One parent is still the primary caregiver -- even if both parents work. If both of you are deeply invested in how the kids are raised, you're going to fight about things like time-outs, toys, curfews, hair styles, clothes choices and the best way to make your daughter's first date sweat it out a bit. But that's ok -- it means you're both dedicated to the same goal. Come up with some kind of stealth code word that connotes respect (such as cantaloupe or Top Gun) and translates to: "We need to chat about this in another room." That way, you're protecting the kids from any conflict, but still making sure you get the privacy to talk it out.

Q: There is a school of thought that says money isn't worth fighting over. In fact, couples who argue most about spending often end up with the smallest retirement savings. Do you agree?

A: You know you need to be financially prepared to retire, but you need something else: You need to be emotionally prepared. Most couples aren't. Your husband's vision of retirement may be a cabin in the woods; yours, a seaside retirement community. He may want to stick close to the grandkids; you might want to hop the first flight to Europe the minute work ends. So duke it out: Arguing about it forces you to plan. And it's not just how to retire, but when to retire, that invites a fight. Men are better able to handle conflict in side-to-side situations -- like when they're sitting at a bar or a fishing boat -- than face-to-face. Try scheduling a walk; being outside gives you a great chance to segue into the topic by admiring a dream home or walking by a lake. Find similar conversation-starters that get you negotiating about what dreams you want to invest in.

Q: A conversation about your and your partner's health can get as serious as a heart attack. When's the best time to bring it up?

A: Not when he's just downed three glazed doughnuts. If you start an argument when your partner is smack dab in the middle of engaging in a bad habit, it'll just come off as a nag, rather than genuine concern. Better to tell him a story about a friend or co-worker with a health problem, and then explain why you're concerned about your partner. Come to some agreement about the next step: seeing a doctor, joining a gym, ditching the doughnuts. Seriously, it's worth riding your partner to get active. Bickering about regularly getting to the doctor -- and the gym --can prolong life.