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Cummerbund or waistcoat?

Huh? You ask. Okay, maybe not. Most people have at least heard of the cummerbund, that pleated broad silk or satin belt-thingy worn with a tuxedo. But "waistcoat?" Not to worry: it's just another word for "vest."

Okay. Now we have our terms straight. Is one better than another? Nope. Is one more formal than another? Not really. Traditionally, it's a matter of timing. Tuxedos (with cummerbunds) are worn after six. Morning suits (with vest/waistcoats) are worn (surprise!) in the morning. (And you do remember that the pleats of a cummerbund face UP, the better to catch crumbs, say some, or -- this one came as a surprise to me -- to hold theater tickets!)

If you're a Dear Abby reader, like me, you've probably found yourself either agreeing wholeheartedly with her advice or wondering what the heck she was thinking when she wrote her column. Most of the time, I agree with her, and I certainly agree with her on one stance she's held true to for years.

"I believe if two people want to commit to each other, God bless 'em," the advice columnist told The Associated Press. "That is the highest form of commitment, for heaven's sake."

Unless you're planning on writing a 250,000 word novel to sum up your wedding day experience, you'll want to find a terrific photographer to help you document the day. Sure, there are plenty of questions that you need to ask your prospective photogs (more on that in the next post), but first you have to find the potential camera handler.

How??? Well let me give you some hints.

First and foremost, ask your friends and loved ones for referrals. Nothing says more about a vendor than word-of-mouth advertising. Almost everyone has someone taking pictures are their wedding, so ask around and see who your pals used. If their experience was favorable, there's a good chance yours will be, too.

You've given your guests keepsakes of your wedding. Why not have them give you one? No, I'm not suggesting you go angling for yet another gift. This would be a keepsake. Something to help you remember ALL the wonderful people who made your day so special. Like ...

A group picture! You got pictures of you and your wedding party. Why not turn the lens on everybody else? Of course, depending on the size of your guest list, this may not be feasible. In that case ...

How about autographs? Oooo! Here's a thought! Stretch a nice pale tablecloth somewhere accessible during the reception, lay some fabric markers along it, and invite all the guests to jot down a couple of words and sign it. It costs very little and will give you years of happy memories!

With offices often crammed with twenty-somethings, weddings are often part of the cubicle subculture. In my own office, both myself and another girl in the editorial department are engaged to be married -- with our dates only a mere week apart!

In addition to sharing bridal glossies, passing on good websites to reference, and comiserating on the hunt for the perfect gown, we've added a new tradition to keep our stress levels lower and to have some laughs -- enter The Cake Wars.

With each tier representing a completed task, we are building our own wedding cakes up the office walls. From engagement to "I do," we're celebrating every milestone with a new layer on our "race to the finish" cake.

So, I just read Ilona's post on finding an officiant, and had to share my story with you all and see if you get from it what I did:

I had met with the woman we hired to perform our ceremony almost a year before the wedding, and she had great credentials and seemed totally adequate. My husband and I aren't church-goers, so as long as our ceremony had the basics and afterward we were married, we were going to be pretty happy. I didn't exactly get warm fuzzies from her, but wasn't too concerned.

We confirmed the time, date, and location of the rehearsal and the wedding with her shortly before the Big Day, and everything was great (and she'd been paid her required 50% deposit). Well, 4:00 rehearsal time came around, and she was nowhere to be found. Fortunately I had a ton of experience in running other people's weddings by then, so I pulled it together and held the rehearsal without her.

I left my contact information at the hotel at which we were getting married, my hotel, and everyone else's, just in case she had lost my number or something, and then went off to dinner. Holy freak out, Batman -- I was stressed, but here's where it gets good ...

My mom, an Egypt enthusiast, would have been ecstatic if we would have used this contemporary favor box at our wedding. Alas, I made my own boxes, which worked well for our classic wedding.

However, if you're looking for something different with a modern appeal, a pyramid gift box to hold goodies for your guests could be perfect. And, compared to other boxes, the price isn't bad either.

Something has happened to the Wedding Reference section of your favorite large-ish upscale book retailer. It's expanded, it's multiplied, and at an alarming rate. Someone let The Everything Wedding Book out into the yard, with no supervision, and it came home carrying a litter of kittens. Maybe there's something in the water...

A few years ago, we brides-to-be were lucky to find one shelf of reference material. Now, it's a whole shelving unit! And while I'm not one to balk at selection, it's a little overwhelming. In order to plan a wedding these days, you have to know more than just "I'm getting married". Are you the destination type? Can you accommodate a vegan option on the menu, as well as kosher? What's your signature drink personality?

To buy yourself a bridal publication, you'd best have a whole afternoon available, arm yourself with a triple-non-fat-latte with extra foam...and maybe a muffin for sustenance. And plan for a post-browsing nap.

Are you a Classic Bride? A Funky Bride? Er...a Non-Bride?! And who knew there were so many choices for the "candy station"?

I've been chuckling my way through Dan Zevin's "Nearly-Wed Handbook: How to survive the happiest day of your life." You can probably gather from the title that it's not meant to be taken too seriously. If you're finding yourself feeling a bit swamped by all the "must's" and "should's", a bit battered by the bludgeons of "tradition" and "etiquette", you might enjoy a refreshing few minutes with this book.

Take his take on the guest list. So you've discovered that your budget won't expand to fill the bellies of everyone on the list. What to do? Zevin suggests a "rigorous cost/benefit analysis." It goes like this:

Alright guys. Normally your casual (read: XL NFL logo t-shirt, gym shorts and running shoes) sense of style is no problem, and your fiance probably isn't lying when she tells you it's "endearing." But this is your wedding we're talking about -- an event during which you will be stared at by hundreds of people, and photographed thousands of times. Plus, your wife-to-be will remember this day for the rest of her life, so you better look damn good.

I'll be honest, I didn't know what a boutonniere was until some close friends got married, and I heard the bride say it about 8,000 times when she was yelling at her brother (a groomsman) to shape up and buy one. At the time it seemed like a pointless detail, but now that I'm on the road to married-hood-dom, it's become yet another one of those weird little details I should be considering.

If you're also unfamiliar with this highly-specialized fashion accessory, you might not know where to start. For inspiration, check out this post on Brooklyn Bride, that, at the very least, can serve as inspiration.

No, not the food. All that other stuff: flowers, centerpieces, candles. What do you DO with it all? NO, you do NOT throw it out! Not only is that environmentally irresponsible -- the landfill site does NOT need another 16 pounds of junk -- but it's a waste. I'll bet there are any number of places that would be thrilled to receive 57 candles or a dozen floral centerpieces. (Or a whole pile of cute little bride'n'groom teddies ... )

How about ... neighborhood community centres, old folks homes, hospitals, shelters for battered women, foster homes, daycare centers, consignment stores, craft clubs, the art department of a local high school, the caterer... Many of these organizations are always on the lookout for donations -- and you can feel good about helping them.

Perhaps your guests would like to take some home? Maybe they could be prizes for spot dances? An ad in a community paper (you can often put these in for free) might relieve you of those 32 surplus bon-bon dishes. There! No reason to throw it out -- share the wealth! You'll be glad you did.

Planning a rehearsal dinner brings up a lot of questions. Who's invited? What do you do besides eat? Who plans it and pays for it? Where is it held? Well, there's not just one answer to these questions, but there certainly are guidelines.

It used to be that only the bridal party and immediate family was invited, but it's now common to invite anyone coming in from out of town. If that seems like an awful lot of people, consider holding your rehearsal and dinner with a small group and having cocktails with everyone afterward.

If you've not done so already, you'll out gifts to your bridal party and parents. A toast is often given by the groom's father, and sometimes by others as well. It's a nice time to get some of the speeches out of the way before the wedding itself.

As a clever measure to cut the obscene costs of a high-test host bar, many couples are opting to serve rounds of one specific chosen beverage for the cocktail hour ... or even the whole evening.

By limiting the "open" bar choices to wine, beer, and an especially-for-you cocktail, the benefits are three-fold:

• guests are deterred from imbibing wildly expensive quantities of top shelf spirits
• a modicum of control is maintained over guests' alcohol consumption
• and ... the addition of the "cute" and/or "creative" factor of a beverage served simply in honor of your newly developed matrimonial tastes
  

I love the fact that we can no longer finish that sentence with confidence. That we can now utter the words "And the bride wore ... magenta!" Who decided a wedding should be in white anyway?

For my wedding a number of years ago, I wore ivory. Not because I shouldn't have worn white (though that might have been the case, it was also no secret) but because white had kind of fallen out of vogue. But then Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy, in a moment that would revolutionize the wedding gown, brought it back. I mean, who can forget this picture? And right then and there I decided that for my second wedding I would wear a white so white it was icy. For my SECOND wedding, tsk, tsk. Who am I fooling? No one.

But color. COLOR! Isn't it fabulous? Frothy pink concoctions the color of strawberry yogurt smoothies. Tiffany blue. White dipped in fuchsia a la Gwen. Pure white with black flowers, ribbons and gasp, a black veil. Indigo ... and scarlet. Maybe even pomegranate ...

Bring it on, ladies ... we can take it.

Ten Thousand Villages is one of the largest fair trade organizations in North America, operating over 160 retail stores in North America as well as their online shop. The company sells handmade crafts from artisans all over the world, many of which make great wedding gifts.

In fact, you can register online or in Ten Thousand Villages stores for gifts like pottery, candlesticks, wall hangings, tablecloths, and much, much more. A great feature of the organization's website is that when you click on any item, you get a description of the item, its maker, and customer reviews.

Personally, I prefer housewares and decorations with a cultural feel over most things that can be purchased at department stores these days anyway. Ten Thousand Villages is always one of my first stops when shopping for wedding gifts, and I give it my highest recommendations.