AisleDash

When I read this Carolyn Hax advice column, my first thought was "if this is a problem for this couple, then they are not ready for marriage." Their problem? She makes a lot more money than he does, and if they split the bills evenly, he won't ever have any money of his own, but if they split the bills proportionately to income, she pays for almost everything and resents it.

I guess the concept of "ours" is only applicable to bills and not assets for this couple. I guess that will keep things simple for them when they divorce, anyway. But really, when you marry a person, you are planning on forever, right? Are you going to keep score forever? If the wealthy wife's poor husband suddenly got into debt (say, he gets sick and needs an expensive prescription), would she not bail him out, even if she had leftover money? Would she pay for what he needs, but make him pay it back? With interest? Would she spend all of her extra cash on fun things for herself, parading around her new toys in front of her husband who can afford nothing? Do they ask for two checks whenever they eat out?

Weddings are full of symbolism. Some of it began so far back in history, we have no idea of its origins. Others are much more recent. Unity candles are relatively new, but no less meaningful for being less than ancient. Generally, there are three candles involved, two taper candles and one pillar candle in the middle. They can be used in a number of ways.

If the couple wishes to express their gratitude to their families of origin, they can have one or both parents of bride and groom take one taper per family, and use these to light the central pillar candle. If they wish to symbolize the start of a new, blended family, they can have their children hold a taper each. Alternatively, the couple can light the candles themselves, symbolizing their new life together, beginning today.

Do you blow out the tapers once the central pillar is lit? Again, you get to pick your symbolism: yes, you blow them out, to indicate the new start; no, you don't, to indicate that you retain your individuality. However you choose to interpret the symbolism, it can be a nice addition to a wedding ceremony.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. All the aunts, uncles, cousins, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and family friends on my mom's side and often folks from my dad's side, too, descend upon the Massie house for an extended weekend of feasts, football, and fun. I've never missed a Thanksgiving at Mom and Dad's house, and I can't imagine spending this holiday anywhere else.

But what to do when you marry a guy who feels the same way about his family holiday gatherings?

Unfortunately, there's no magical solution that allows you to be in two places at once. Okay, newlyweds, it's time to test your compromising capabilities! Here are some ideas to fairly divvy up the holidays between two (or more) families.

We've seen a number of alternatives to traditional bouquets for your bridesmaids, but what about the guys in your wedding party? What options do they have besides wearing a boutonniere?

When I started planning a beach wedding, I knew I didn't want the groomsmen in tuxes -- it just wasn't our style. However, one thing I hadn't realized was that, if the men aren't wearing jackets, there's not a great way for them to wear a boutonniere. As it turns out, those little suckers are rather heavy, and if pinned onto a shirt, it will pull them down on that side -- who knew?

And so, since we were going all tropical anyway, we decided to put the guys in leis, and it really turned out great. The one you need to check out ahead of time is whether anyone has allergies -- as Meg has mentioned, being allergic to flowers and then being forced to be around them is miserable. If you have your heart set on leis, you might consider a silk variety -- you could even provide fun silk ones for your guests for a picture!

You've visited the bridal salon and found The Dress. It's absolutely perfect, just what you've dreamed of. And it costs half again what you can afford. Guess you'll just have to keep looking...

Maybe not. What if there was a place that offered up to 50% off a wide variety of wedding gowns? There are: they're called discount bridal services. They don't have multiple showrooms. They keep their overhead low by doing most of their business online. By buying direct from the factory, discount bridal outfits offer to find that dress for you, at 25 - 50% off the listed price. Just write the manufacturer's name and style number on their handy on-line form, and they'll get back to you with a quote.

And if you don't have the name and number, because you saw it in a magazine?

This is a true story: my friend's babysitter is the maid of honor in a wedding. Over the weekend, she went with the bride to look at bridesmaid's dresses. According to my friend, "she and her bride friend never actually got to pick out the dresses. She'd try something on, bride would take a picture with the camera phone and send it to the groom for approval. He didn't like anything." By the end of the day, the maid of honor was ready to kill them both.

"Maybe this is a new thing?" my friend asked. I have no idea.

Today I came across the story of another bride who agreed to let her fiance plan their entire wedding, without her help, for a British reality television show. Bride Katy Ollerenshaw confessed to the Daily Mail that "the one thing that mattered to me more than anything else was the dress. If he messed up the dress, and I felt unattractive on my wedding day, I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to forgive him." Sam did mess up the dress, but Katy appears to have forgiven him for that, and for all the other things he failed to do properly. The couple agree that the wedding was not exactly what Katy wanted, but that they had a wonderful day anyway.

So, AiseDash readers, I ask you: how much say is the groom getting in YOUR wedding planning? Would you let him do it all? Or does he have specific jobs?

And who is choosing the attendants' dresses?

Thinking of getting married in The Bahamas? You definitely have a lot of options. Couples come from far and wide to celebrate their unions on the beautiful Caribbean island nation, and any time of year is a beautiful time in that part of the world -- assuming you enjoy things like clear, sparkling water, clean, sandy beaches, and warm weather.

Bahamian law does not require a blood test for your marriage, but you will need to provide a valid passport, birth certificate, additional photo I.D., and evidence of the date of your arrival in The Bahamas (you are required to be in the country at least one day prior to your wedding). The fee for a marriage license is $100. Bahamian dollars are interchangeable with US dollars, and the two currencies are accepted everywhere on the islands.

Temperatures in The Bahamas range from 80-90 degrees Fahrenheit in the summer, but ocean breezes will keep you from roasting on the beach during the day. In winter, temperatures dip all the way down to an average of 70-80 (brr - don't forget to pack your long underwear!), and possibly slightly cooler on the northernmost islands.

I'll bet, even if you've never been to one before, you know that picture on the right is of a Jewish wedding. How? The canopy (properly called "chuppah") under which the couple stands. Chuppah means "that which covers or floats" in Hebrew.

Chuppot are traditionally held up by four poles, one at each corner. They can be free-standing, or held by four friends or family. I admit I prefer the sense of support and community of the hand-held chuppah, even if these do tend to be a bit smaller.

It is both a practical and symbolic item. Since weddings were traditionally outdoors, it provided shelter and shade. It also provides a sense of intimacy and closeness for the couple. The chuppah represents the couple's new home, and, because it is open on all sides, suggests that their home will be open and hospitable. It is also a reminder of the tents nomadic Jews lived in in ancient times. The chuppah: practicality, history, and symbol, all in one beautiful piece of cloth.

Sienna Miller has been all over the fashion map. She's been named the It Girl at times and had her style sanity questioned at other. While I think that this particular look from the 2007 Golden Globes was a bit of a mixture of both, there are some valuable lessons to be learned from it.

• The gold accents on the dress really soften the bright whiteness of the gown. If you have your heart set on wearing white, but are afraid it will wash you out, consider using gold to warm it up.
  
  
• A cowl neckline like this is feminine, soft, but really comfortable. On this particular gown, the back comes too low to wear a traditional bra, but the neckline in general often comes with wide enough straps for the well-endowed fashionista to wear proper support.

There is an astonishing array of bouquet types available to the bride, and with all that choice, it can be hard to know where to start.

Tip: Start with the budget. Know how much you have to spend, and stick within it. That will help streamline your choices! After this, there are two primary things to consider: your build, and your dress, particularly the bodice.

Here are some general guidelines:

I was still in college when I got engaged. I'd just bought a house and it's not really my style to ask my parents for money, so I was trying to plan everything on the tightest budget possible. My folks did end up paying the tab for most things (Hi Mom and Dad! You're the best!), but I didn't know they were going to do that until after the fact, so I planned the whole thing on my very tight budget. Still, one thing I would not compromise on was the reception music.

My favorite band, Girlyman, a folk trio from Brooklyn, had agreed to perform at my ceremony, and I was willing to pay any price. I got a very reasonable deal, as the band was still in its fledgling stages when I made the arrangements, but they were still the big ticket item on my budget -- and well worth the debt I would've gone into were it not for my parents.

There were so many benefits to having a band I already knew and loved.

Once upon a time (about five years ago), I was having a local photographer do some professional head shots for me at Lake Alice, which is on the University of Florida campus. I had asked a girlfriend to come with me so I'd have someone objective around, letting me know if I looked like an idiot, but surprise surprise, my boyfriend, Jared, showed up as well.

He and I had a history with Lake Alice -- the 4th of July after I'd moved to Florida from Michigan, I had run into him at a bar and we danced and talked (we'd met casually once or twice before). When it came time to leave, I complained that I'd never seen an alligator, and so with some of our friends we went on down to Lake Alice to see alligators.

Anyway, at one point while alligator hunting, he and I ended up behind this big ol' tree, and we were really close, and ... he TOTALLY didn't kiss me. But, he drive me home, stayed in his truck like a gentleman, and gave me a rather ungentlemanly kiss before he left. After that, I was hooked.

I love to browse wedding gowns, particularly really fabulous high-end and couture gowns; most often, they are like lovely pieces of art.

But like any art form, the wedding gown sometimes goes astray. Take, for example, this Monique Lhullier gown, which was part of a new collection that premiered in New York City on October 21. While the rest of the collection was fluid and sexy and entirely wearable, this particular piece was more architectural.

In other words, I found myself wondering how on earth one would walk down the aisle in this. Or dance. Or do anything, really.

This is an extreme gown, one that makes a strong statement, and I suppose that on the right bride, it would be lovely. Or it would just look like she wasn't sure where the garter was supposed to go. I'm not really sure which.

Your thoughts?

What would YOU do for $25,000? Run through the streets of New York in your wedding gown? Tackle an obstacle course? Let your gown and your hair be smeared with frosting? Would you wear a crash helmet with bull's horns -- in public?

If you said yes to any of the above, you might see if WE tv is planning on hosting the third annual Running of the Bridezillas next June! Last year, to celebrate their third season of Bridezilla, WE tv organized this obstacle footrace through New York City.

The prize? $25,000 toward the winner's wedding. Basically, your wedding for free... What WOULD you do?

Carla and Erik Schneider have a deep commitment to each other; they also have a deep commitment to ending hunger and poverty. And so it only seemed natural to them to auction Carla's diamond wedding band off to benefit Heifer International. Carla says that she was inspired to offer her ring for sale when she learned that a child dies every five seconds from hunger.

The proceeds from the auction will go to Hope Equity, Heifer International's sustainable giving initiative. Hope Equity gives people the opportunity to get involved in Heifer's work in a hands-on way, by coming together in virtual communities to "invest" in specific countries and create a "Portfolio of Change." Rather than simply writing a check, this allows donors to be an active part of the solution. And that is precisely what the Schneiders wanted to do.

A wedding ring is a symbol of commitment -- to a person and a relationship and a value system. To give up that symbol in the service of the value system seems to me to be about the strongest testament of your commitment.

Carla Schneider's ring will be auctioned on MissionFish, eBay's nonprofit fund raising arm; the auction opens November 1 and will run through November 10, which is also the Schneider's sixth anniversary.