The Simpsons: "Lost Verizon" Review

October 6, 2008 - "Lost Verizon" was one long, strange trip. This cell-phone-centric episode of The Simpsons, guest starring Denis Leary, started with Principal Skinner running out of gas and ended with Maggie ruling over a tribe of Peruvian Indians. To say the episode was a bit surreal would be an understatement. To say the episode was funny might be an overstatement. Of course, the show always has its moments, but the bizarre course of events in this installment was far weirder than they were humorous.

Skinner's multiple attempts to cross the highway for gas were witnessed by Milhouse who immediately contacted the kid regulars with his cell phone. They all showed up except for Bart because he did not own a cell phone. Marge's excuse was that they couldn't afford one. Her line about buying frozen peas in installments was funny, and the whole thing was made funnier with the "payment due" letter from the Jolly Green Giant. After learning he could make some money by scrounging up lost balls at the Springfield Glen Country Club, Bart thought he'd be able to locate enough to earn cash for his own phone. Instead, Groundskeeper Willie muscled the balls away. Dejected, Bart moped on the fairway. Nearby, Denis Leary was preparing to tee off at the Krusty Klassic Pro-Am tournament. When his cell phone went off mid-swing, Leary angrily threw the item away and it ended up at Bart's feet. Bart now had his phone.

Having Denis Leary's phone should have been what the rest of the episode was about. Whenever The Simpsons skewer Hollywood and the industry, it's usually on target and hilarious. The bits here were funny, but the whole thing felt abruptly cut short when Leary simply gave up on retrieving his phone. There were a few fun moments, like having Brian Grazer owning the film rights to the kids book Everybody Poops, but when Marge was speaking to Leary and we got see the actor at home, the big joke was about saving his Pop Tarts. Maybe this is a reference I'm not getting, but it seemed like a wasted opportunity having Denis Leary involved but only using him in this way.

The most enjoyable part of this second act had nothing to do with the Hollywood digs or Leary's appearance. The best bit to me was seeing Bart make his famous prank phone calls to various locations around the globe. "Maya Normusbutt" was asked for in Hawaii. Australia got "Drew P. Weiner." But the best was the call to Sweden. The name itself was ridiculous -- "Olof Myfriendsaregay" -- but the Swedish bartender's Bergman-like response was an instant classic: "If I ever get a hold of you, I will thank you for showing me the futility of human endeavor."

The episode's third act focused on Marge and Homer tracking Bart with the GPS of the stolen cell phone. Bart became aware of this and tied the phone's tracking chip to a migrating bird. Thinking that Bart was running away, the rest of the family unknowingly started following the bird. Bart, at first, was enjoying his time alone at home, but soon came to realize he'd much rather have his family around. This was best exemplified in the funny "Night is scary/Daytime is awesome" segment. Meanwhile, upon tracking the bird to Machu Picchu, an exhausted Marge had a spirit-guide dream that taught her she may be overprotecting Bart. The dream was odd and unexpected, and because of that, it did make me laugh. But overall, I couldn't help but feel it was filler. Since it happened at the end of the episode, Marge really didn't have time to act on anything she learned.

This wasn't a terrible episode, but it just wasn't funny enough for such a serpentine storyline. Throw in a wasted Denis Leary, and you really start to think that "Lost Verizon" could have been so much more.