(Translated by https://www.hiragana.jp/)
God Squad - Newsday
The Wayback Machine - https://web.archive.org/web/20090822160830/http://www.newsday.com:80/columnists/god-squad/sorting-through-roman-catholic-marriage-issues-1.1360644

Top stories

Sorting through Roman Catholic marriage issues

August 18, 2009

God Squad

$alttext

Rabbi Marc Gellman writes about religion for Newsday.

full bio

latest columns

columnists

Thanks again to my Fordham University priest friends for their help with the following questions. I'm still amazed that I continue to receive Catholic ritual questions, but I'll do my best to find the answers. (If I mess up, and you're an alumnus of Fordham, please keep giving them money!)

 

My daughter is dating a nice young man (she's 22, and he's 24). We are practicing Catholics, while he is Russian Orthodox and practices his religion. This is fine with my husband and me. My daughter and her boyfriend have talked about the future, and she wants to get married in our church. Would the Catholic Church allow this? Could priests from both churches perform the ceremony? Both young people have attended each other's mass and say the prayers are the same. - R. via e-mail

 

Yes, these two lovebirds can be married in a Catholic church, provided you first get a mixed religion dispensation from your priest. If the marriage is in the Russian Orthodox church of your future son-in-law, you'll need a dispensation for your priest to participate.

If all the couple wants is for your priest to say a blessing but not officiate, all you need is what every wedding celebration needs - those little hot dogs with the crust around them.

 

Two of the many questions I get on another topic:

I was brought up in a Catholic family. Fifty years ago, my sister married a divorced man before a justice of the peace. My parish priest told me I couldn't attend her wedding or send anniversary cards since she was "living in sin, not being married in the eyes of the church." I also had to decline her request that I be godmother to her child for the same reason. Was the priest correct?

connections

- S., Levittown, via e-mail

 

Since Vatican II, the Catholic Church has taken a more pastoral and less ritually rigorous stand on such matters. The position of the Church on the spiritual value of marriage and its opposition to divorce, however, has not changed. I, for one, admire their stand on the sanctity of marriage, while dissenting on the issue of divorce.

The advice you received from your parish priest was cruel, requiring you to shatter your family unity at the time of your sister's marriage, and also to wound your sister on her anniversary each year because you were told to ignore her happy day. You'd probably find many priests today more attuned to pastoral compassion, while still defending the basic values of the Church. Find one . . . and send your sister a card.

 

A religious issue has plagued me through more than a decade of marriage. I was raised Episcopalian, and my husband, Roman Catholic. When we announced our marriage, my husband's cousin, a Roman Catholic priest, refused to acknowledge or attend our wedding. We wanted him to attend the ceremony to honor our Catholic ties, which my minister fully supported. Unfortunately, because this was not a "Catholic" ceremony, my husband's cousin said [the marriage] was not recognized by the Church, therefore it would be a "sin" for him to acknowledge or attend. Furthermore, he said we would not be viewed as "married" by the Catholic Church. Shortly before the wedding, my minister called to check on us, and I explained what had happened. He searched for words of wisdom and insight, only to advise that the response we received was rubbish. Are we not all God's children? Regardless of how we choose to honor [God]? I was raised to honor all religions. I felt the Catholic priest had a very narrow-minded, rigid approach to faith in God. To say the least, this incident has shaken my appreciation, specifically of the Catholic faith. Was the priest's stance the "standard" Roman Catholic response to a simple wedding invitation?

- Anonymous, via e-mail

 

As I mentioned before, the Catholic Church has become more sensitive to such issues since Vatican II.

Since it's my habit to defend people who look like jerks in the questions I receive, let me say a word of defense for your brother's cousin's faith. He is a priest, and he believes certain things. One of the things he believes is that Catholic/Episcopal marriages are not his spiritual ideal nor the ideal of his (and your husband's) church.

He has a right to believe that, and you do not have a right to get bent out of shape because he wasn't willing to abandon his beliefs to make you happy. Live and let live. Still in all, he could have gone to the reception and offered a prayer over the marriage and (you guessed it) the little hot dogs with . . .

popular stories

Most Popular Stories

  • August 17, 2009; Shirley, NY:

    Weather

    Hot weather photos

  • Cristian Sandoval, 17, of Westbury

    Long Island

    Long Island mug shots

  • A false color satellite image

    Nassau

    Hurricane Bill forces LI beaches to bar swimmers

  • Four vehicles at Deer Park

    Long Island

    Long Island car accidents