TVSquad

(S09E06) So last night, Avril Lavigne made me want to kill myself, and Katy Perry was surprisingly tolerable. I'm thinking things are going to be better tonight, as we have Neil Patrick Harris who is great, and Joe Jonas, who is a Jonas Brother, and as such is supposed to be cute and sweet, right? That's their thing? Anyway, we're in Dallas, home of Kelly Clarkson, so the big question is, does the city have the next Kelly on its hands?

I don't know about that, but I do know that NPH is my new idol. He asserts himself, and is tough while remaining charming. In fact, it seems as though he even takes the lead and goes over Simon's head a little bit: I like that.

Auditions Day 1

We start out with a major blast from the past: Julie Kevelighan auditioned way back in season 1 with a terrifying version of "Lady Marmalade." If I heard her correctly, she is taking acting classes but not voice classes -- which is totally cool, as I do believe I read a magazine article that talked about how singing voices generally improve if you just, you know, want them to. This year, she's singing "Black Velvet," and I will say this: she actually has improved over the past eight years or so. However, it's not good. Plus, as Neil Patrick Harris points out, the letters at the bottom of her sign are smooshed together. Poor planning. It's a unanimous "no."

I'm a sucker for people with cute kids, and Lloyd Thomas has two adorable little girls. So that alone makes me want him to succeed. He's singing "Overjoyed" by Stevie Wonder. I love this song, and Stevie is always a bold choice. He does a really nice job with it, and he's super-likable, so that's definitely good for him. Simon even tells him that he's the best audition that he's seen all day, and he gets a unanimous "yes." He's going to be a lot of fun; I hope he makes it past Hollywood week.

Next, we get a montage of NPH and Simon disagreeing with each other. It's weird to me how we only see snippets of the split votes instead of seeing the actual performances. I love a unanimous "yes" as much as the next gal, but the disagreements are where the drama comes in!

Kimberly Carver is singing an original song, which is always daring. She has a great voice, but I kind of hate the song. Simon doesn't find her unique or interesting, so I guess I spoke too soon above. Everyone else likes her, and I also enjoy the way NPH takes charge and calls for the vote. Simon gives her the lone "no," but she's going to Hollywood anyway.

Dexter Ward is not someone who Simon will like, so even if he has angels flying out of his vocal cords, I can't see him making it to Hollywood. He's singing "If I Ever Fall In Love Again," and it's pretty horrible, so it's really not going to be an issue. He gets a unanimous "no."

Seriously? Do we really need the crying montages? I don't like watching other people's pain. It's not entertaining in the least.

Erica Rhodes may be the only person in the history of the competition who uses a ridiculous costume to positive effect instead of negative. She used to be on Barney & Friends, so in order to distance herself from that, she's dressed up like a dominatrix. They ask her to sing the Barney song in the outfit, and it's totally creepy, but she's a good singer and the whole thing kind of works in a weird way. She then sings "Free Your Mind," by En Vogue, which was my favorite song when I was, like, 11. Unfortunately, she kind of sings out of her nose, and it's strangely not as good as the Barney song. Despite that, she's likable enough to get a unanimous "yes."

Dave Pittman actually has an interesting story: he has Tourette's syndrome, but it doesn't affect him when he's singing. He's chosen "Bring It On Home To Me" by Sam Cooke, and he has a really nice voice that comes out of nowhere -- it's quite different from his speaking voice in just about every way. He gets a unanimous "yes."

Auditions Day 2

NPH is gone, which makes me sad. I'd love to see him show up later on in the season. I know very little about Joe Jonas, so I'm interested to see how he does.

Todrick Hall was in The Color Purple with Idol-winner Fantasia, which is a big plus for him, but he's singing a ridiculous song that he made up, which is a huge negative. His voice is nice, but kind of boring. Luckily, he's likable, so that should get him through. Even though Simon isn't head over heels for him, he gets a unanimous "yes." Plus, he can do backflips!

Dawntoya Thomason gets through, as does Stephanie Daulong and a bunch of unnamed individuals.

Meagan Wright seems like she'd be kind of annoying, but she sings "To Make You Feel My Love," and she's pretty decent. It's not the greatest thing I've ever heard, but she's pretty good. She gets a unanimous "yes."

Vanessa Johnston is wearing the loudest outfit ever, and has a voice to match it. It's not good. However, she probably could improve with some training. However, there are some bad, bad things going on in this audition. She doesn't get through to Hollywood, but she's quite cheerful about it!

After this, there's a pretty funny segment about how hard it is to be Simon Cowell: he has to listen to bad singers while sitting on stacks of money!

Christian Spears is 16, but was diagnosed with leukemia when she was four. Luckily, she has been in remission since she was eight. I like her immediately because she's singing an Etta James song, but not "At Last." Instead, she's performing, "All I Could Do Was Cry." Again, she's not the greatest I've ever heard, but it's a great song choice, and for 16? She's pretty damn good. She gets a unanimous "yes."

At the end of the day, we get 31 Golden tickets, but I'm not sure we have the next Kelly Clarkson? What do you think?