#warnings

If you've been drinking out of your Warner Bros. Studio store Superman glass, you might want to stop. Comment »

11/21/10

1,256

#crazies

Obama-Related Alien Attack Imminent, Warns Alien Prophetess

This is Colleen Thomas, a home health administrator turned physicist who specializes in the science of creation. She is also the "mother" of a race of good aliens here on Earth to defend humans from lizard people. Yes, lizard people! More »

11/08/10

38,222

354

By Richard Lawson

#warnings

Men: Your Laptop Is Probably Cooking Your Testicles

Ever wonder just how hot your balls get under your laptop? "Within 10 or 15 minutes their scrotal temperature is already above what we consider safe," says one doctor. Turns out that cooking your testicles is also bad for reproducing. More »

11/06/10

19,873

118

By Jeff Neumann

#warnings

New York: There's Lead in Your Tap Water

New York's annual survey of buildings with lead plumbing found that 14 percent had excessive levels of lead in the water. Will you ever be able to drink again? More »

11/05/10

2,558

By Brian Moylan

#warnings

Social Networking During NYC Marathon Is Very Dangerous

Are you running the NYC Marathon this weekend? Don't tweet or update your Facebook status because a distracted runner is dangerous for everyone. What if you learn some bad news, mid-run? Also, who the hell tweets during a marathon? [NYDN]

11/05/10

2,788

By Jeff Neumann

#warnings

Click here to read English Language Purist Courtney Love Working on a Surprise for <em>The New Yorker</em>

English Language Purist Courtney Love Working on a Surprise for The New Yorker

Highbrow Courtney Love told New York magazine that she's "the Tolstoy of text" and hates "'C U later.'" She's also trying to "finish this damn story that The New Yorker, by the way, does not know is coming." Heads up!

09/23/10

2,984

By Jeff Neumann

#warnings

Just in case you were tempted to take a dip in the Hudson River off the West Side, think twice. Comment »

09/07/10

930

#warnings

Petraeus: 'Burn a Koran Day' Puts Troops at Risk

General David Petraeus, commander of U.S. forces in Afghanistan, says nutbar pastor Terry Jones' "Burn a Koran Day" could "endanger troops." Not that Pastor Jones cares! "We are revealing the violence of Islam," he told ABC. What a fun guy.

09/07/10

3,113

By Max Read

#health

Advice: Hold Off on that South Asian Cosmetic Surgery Vacation

Hospitals in Britain are on alert after a new drug-resistant "superbug" was found in around 50 patients, many of whom recently had cosmetic surgery in Pakistan and India. Experts warn it coud produce infections that are "almost impossible to treat."

08/11/10

3,788

By Jeff Neumann

#warnings

Arizona Prison Escapees Taking Yellowstone Park Vacation

U.S. Marshals have said that two men who recently escaped from prison in Arizona — and who have gone on a killing and burning spree — are likely hiding in Yellowstone National Park in Montana or Wyoming. Dont go there.

08/08/10

4,464

By Jeff Neumann

#foreboding

No Blackout...So Far

Here is some unequivocally good news: The AP reports that New York's power grid is holding up "...So Far." Direct quote! Plus, "electricity demand typically jumps between 5 and 6 o'clock." That's, let's see...now! Everything's fine...so far. [Pic via]

07/06/10

4,130

By Hamilton Nolan

#recessionomics

We Recommend That You Flee Before the Commoners Assume Control

The Way We Live Now: Going about this the wrong way. What is this, backwards day, economically speaking? You don't give the working class benefits and outrageous salaries, or bring poverty to the suburbs. Duh. Is it the Walgreens booze? More »

06/03/10

4,981

By Hamilton Nolan

#warnings

Newt Gingrich is Equally Afraid of 'The Left' and Terrorists

In plugging his new book, the former GOP Speaker of the House writes that leftists have infiltrated nearly all facets of society with their brand of "secular-socialism," and they will destroy America faster than you can say firecracker jihadist. More »

05/20/10

3,756

133

By Jeff Neumann

#warnings

Justin Bieber's Mom: Your Son Was at Perez Hilton's Condom-Sponsored Birthday Party

Attention, Justin Bieber's mom. We just spotted your son at Perez Hilton's birthday party. You're super Christian, right? Did you know the party was sponsored by Lifestyle condoms? Do you even know who Perez Hilton is? We have bad news. More »

03/31/10

13,553

By Adrian Chen

#memos

Click here to read <i>New York Times</i> Reminds Freelancers Not to Accept Free Things, in All Caps

New York Times Reminds Freelancers Not to Accept Free Things, in All Caps

Here's a totally friendly memo from the New York Times that went out to all their freelancers, apropos of nothing in particular, reminding them to please not accept free stuff. Looks like someone is in trouble! More »

03/15/10

6,900

By Pareene

#dogsofwar

Islamofascists Set to Rain Space Animals on the USA

Here is a story that maybe should be "getting more play:" Al Qaeda is "certain" to attack America in the next six months—possibly killing you in the process. Even worse, other enemies are preparing to rain terror from above.

02/03/10

3,520

By Hamilton Nolan

#flolrida

Do Not Let Your Kids Near This Guitarist

The Who are playing the Super Bowl in Miami next week. So 1,500 homes in Brevard Country received this warning about Pete Townshend. Kids: If he offers to let you "check out his Bridgestone Tires," tell an adult. [Page2Live]

01/28/10

32,827

206

By Hamilton Nolan

#health

Stop Smoking and Kill Yourself

You should stop smoking, doctors say. Here, we have medications to help you stop, doctors say. But oh—these medications could make you kill yourself. What the hell is science good for? More »

07/02/09

6,043

By Hamilton Nolan

#warnings