The Moment I Knew: Readers Share Their Divorce Stories

Not a marriage, but a four-year relationship...I knew I was finished when he returned to drinking after a stint in rehab (he only went hoping he would be rehired at his job, I found out later). I tried everything to get him to stop, and at that point, I had to admit I was powerless over it, he was never going to stop, and I had to leave before I sunk with him.

I left him seven years ago this Friday. Since then, my time has been spent losing weight, taking good care of myself, improving myself, developing my career, traveling, and all and all making myself a better person. There are so many things in life that can fulfill a person, and I have not spent a second of the time since lamenting being alone. If Prince Charming does come, that's great. If I remain single the rest of my life (especially before putting up with that crap again), that's good, too. I won't be bored either way.

So many memorable moments, where to start? Oh yeah I know - after the IRS came knocking on the door - literally - the tax lawyer took me aside and said " If I were you, I would get as far away, as fast as you can from this looser". $30,000 due today...
Yup, that did it for me. Since then he has been fired from the family business, got his dream job, took up with a crazy woman 20 yrs younger who he caught on a booty call, assalted the guy, was charged with felony for carrying an unregistered weapon, was fired from dream job is now unemployed. Best advise I ever got.

When I knew: I was working full time and going to college full time. She wasn't working or doing anything else. I was sleeping a max of two hours a night. One night our one year old daughter woke up about 30 minutes after I went to bed. When I asked her if she would take care of the baby so I could sleep, she looked at me and said, word for word, "That's not my @$!#ing problem." She then rolled back over and went to bed.

Hindsight being 20/20, there were many moments. But one really stands out. He was expressing his disgust for me, disdain for marriage, and desire to be with his out-of-state truck-stop honey by urinating all over the toilet seat and floor. Even the 4-year-old never made such a big mess! I found the puddle and made him clean it up. But the red flags were waving and the signs were on the wall, uh, I mean the floor.

I had outpatient surgery and was not able to go home on my own. The surgery had been planned for weeks and he had dropped me off. But, he forgot to pick me up.

I said don't do drugs he came home stoned. Two days later he came home to an empty house.

The defining moment: After seven years of putting the nonprofit I founded and worked to build on the back burner and stupidly submitting to years of verbal and financial abuse (only given $200 month to by household goods from someone making over $100,000), I knew it was over when he said that my contributions as primary caregiver to the kids didn't count in contributing to the family. Well, happy to report mother, children and nonprofit are far better off.

The divorce fuse started burning when I was bathing our one year old daughter after she crapped herself and she smiled at me. When she smiled, it set off deja vu for seeing that smile somewhere. I realized it was for sure going to happen after I got the paternity test results the day after father's day. My ex-wife and her entire family knew about it the entire time, too.

I was working a lot of overtime, and couldnt make it to the music store to get some drum sticks for my son. I called her and asked if she would stop by there before closing and grab a pair so he could practice that night. Rather than point out why she might not be able to she talks my son down, like getting them was un-necessary, even foolish. She says I divorced her over drumsticks. I divorced her because it was another denial of many. I gave, she took, then i stopped giving.

When a friend called and asked what my eventual ex and I were doing walking on LaSalle Street in downtown Chicago that day. When I said I wasn't downtown but home with my 4 kids, she insisted she saw us walking hand in hand. This was after several months of hang up phone calls to the house late at night. Nothing subtle about these two - between the two of them this is marriage #7.

It was when I returned from my very first meeting with the radiologist, for breast cancer, with a radiation schedule that didn't completely fit our plans and he said, "I would've thought you would've had the presence of mind to work the sessions around X weekend."

We were on a family vacation for Thanksgiving weekend last year. We were in bed together at around midnight and his cell phone kept vibrating. I suspected our marriage was over then. Then we were at his family's Christmas Eve dinner the next month and he kept leaving the festivities for 5-10 minutes at time .. going outside for 'fresh air'. I secretly went outside and 'looked' for him about the 7th time. I stood hidden and paralyzed listening to him talk on his phone behind the garage. Here's what I heard: "Yeah, it does suck. Next year will be better. God I love you .." When I made myself known and confronted him, he said back to her on the phone, "It's all good. Talk to you later." And then the whole conversation of 'she's just a friend' started. I got the kids, said goodbye to his family, vomited in the yard on my way to the car (telling my kids I had food poisoning), had my oldest son drive home because I was shaking so bad, and then sat up all night sobbing in front of the Christmas tree. He came home around 2am and said he was at a park sitting and thinking in his car. Day after Christmas I found a very long love poem she wrote and signed (a colleague of his) in his briefcase describing their love for one another and their amazing sex. A week earlier was our 25th anniversary.

Is this the men are a**holes meeting? What did I miss?

The moment a guy called from out of the blue and asked, "Are you [insert my ex's name here] wife?" Me, "Why?"

Guy: "Because your husband is having an affair with my wife."

Me: "Are you Valerie's husband?"

Guy: "Why do you ask that?"

Me: "Because she's at the top of the list." Me, never having admitted to the list.

Guy: "There a LIST?!"

Me: "Yes. And Valerie's at the top."

Long conversation ensued, as well as the assembling of the list. It was over.

Let's see - just one of the final moments when I knew it was not going to work. He came home from work one day and said that I must have changed the laundry detergent and I hadn't got all the soap rinsed out from his clothes. I told him, no, I hadn't changed anything. The next day he came home from work all sheepish. He said he had been to the doctor and he had genital crabs. He brought some medicine home and I used it, too, just in case. I never got infested myself. I didn't even ask him about it, like where had he gotten it from, who was he cheating with. By that time, I just didn't care. He must have thought he got a lucky break, but it wasn't two months later that he was out of the house, the house was up for sale, and I moved into an apartment with our daughter. Sometime later, when he was engaged to marry someone else and the wedding was several weeks away, he came over to my apartment and asked me to remarry him. No apologies for his cheating, drinking, etc. Life was so wonderful without him - how could I say anything but no......