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jokesdotcom

  1. Deciding which kid to save from a fire is a tough choice for @kirkfox to make: http://on.cc.com/rctmIO
  2. RT @michaelianblack: My new album, "Very Famous," currently #3 on the iTunes comedy charts. If it gets to #1, I'm giving every single one...
  3. RT @robdelaney: If the eyes are the window to the soul, can someone please ask Michele Bachmann to wear sunglasses?
  4. "Why are there no math teachers at Hogwarts?" @kumailn asks the big questions: http://on.cc.com/o8J8B3
  5. RT @funnyordie: Anyone who understands/can explain problems in the stock market is probably at least partially responsible for problems...
  6. RT @comedycentral: What’s better than a new Weird @alyankovic album? An exclusive Weird Al concert on Comedy Central this fall!...
  7. Almost bought my own clothes back from a thrift store. 'This shirt's great, reminds me of something I used to -- oh, damn it.' @kylekinane
  8. I have a porno movie where they try to make the woman have an orgasm in it. Oh my God, it's like 10 hours long. - @jordanrubin
  9. "I want you in the worst way -- which is standing up in a hammock." - Louis Ramey (@taserlove)
  10. A nice car is attractive to a lot of women. I've found with a '96 Geo, you're not getting the top-quality booty. - @DanNaturman #DailyWisdom
  11. I would give my left nut for a really nice guitar. I don't actually play the guitar, but I have 3 testicles. - Dan Mintz http://on.cc.com...
  12. I didn't know you could name a Puerto Rican 'Israel' - 'cause I'm pretty sure you'll never meet a Jew named 'Puerto Rico.' - Dov Davidoff
  13. Just watched @michaelianblack #veryfamous, ready for @louisck Hilarious. Way better than having friends and going out on a Saturday night.
  14. According to @michaelianblack, Star Wars would have been funnier if Chewbacca had been pregnant: http://on.cc.com/nrs8Wk #SnarkWeek
  15. @Trifectum14 indoor skydiving? That sounds unnatural. And very Vegas.
  16. @elizabethlikess @michaelianblack just keeps getting better. We are loving in the sky diving school story!
  17. @Trifectum14 what do you think about this sky diving bit? we love it!
  18. We are watching #VeryFamous starring #SnarkWeek host @michaelianblack. "He doesn't just give this sh*t out for free!"