What Advice Would You Give to Somebody Who Just Started Dating?

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Student Opinion - The Learning NetworkStudent Opinion - The Learning Network

Questions about issues in the news for students 13 and older.

The most recent government report on high school students involved in abusive relationships found that nearly one in 10 has been physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend. Programs to teach teenagers about relationships are proliferating, but questions about their effectiveness and reach remain. What advice have you received about relationships? What advice do you wish you had received? What would you encourage a younger friend to keep in mind before dating?

In the article “A Warning to Teenagers Before They Start Dating,” Jan Hoffman writes:

Esta Soler, president of Futures Without Violence, a national anti-violence organization, said there were many reasons to start talking to younger students about abuse.

In middle school, Ms. Soler said, they are rocketing through emotional and social development, beginning to make their own choices. “But they still respond to input from caring adults,” she added. A 2010 study of 1,430 seventh graders in eight middle schools in three cities underscores the need for such education.

The study, commissioned by the Johnson Foundation and released this spring, showed that three-quarters of students had already had a boyfriend or girlfriend. One in three said they had been victims of psychological dating violence; nearly one in six said they had experienced physical dating violence. Almost half said they had been touched in an unwanted sexual way or had been the target of sexual slurs.

It can be daunting to engage adolescents about intimate topics. To ease their awkwardness, Ms. Miller incorporates the students’ creative work and pop icons. For example, her staff created surveys rating the relationships of the characters in “The Hunger Games” books and movie. They sponsor poetry slams, with teenagers reading “Love What’s Real” poems, dancing to a “Relationship Remix” of hits.

Middle-school intervention programs are so new that assessing their effectiveness is difficult. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention gave grants to middle-school programs in four urban sites last fall. In reauthorization drafts this spring for the Violence Against Women Act — Michael D. Crapo, Republican of Idaho, was a co-author in the Senate — the eligibility age for dating violence education and service programs is now as young as 11.

Students: If you have been dating for a while, what tips or words of wisdom would you give those who are new to it? If you haven’t, what kind of advice would you like someone older to give you? Have you ever heard of someone your age in a detrimental relationship? How would you help a friend in such a situation? What kind of behavior in a relationship would you consider inappropriate, and what might you do if you were the victim of it?

5 Comments

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Sandy June 5, 2012 · 8:34 am

firstly i want to congrats you for dating because it is not a piece of cake to date anyone and it’s good to have a gf/bf who can understand you,but guys don”t be totally dependent on that person. first try to know about ur gf/bf likes and dislikes by asking some smart questions. At last, the more independent, confident and mature you are, the more your date partner will get attracted towards you…..

best of luck guys….

Eli, from Houston, yes guys for real this time, like always. June 7, 2012 · 6:37 pm

oh god…how about “Don’t take it from me?”

lfp June 8, 2012 · 12:46 pm

A colleague once told me, “I was taught how to respect my elders, my teachers and my peers. But no one taught me about respect in an intimate relationship, and what I learned at home was that violence and abuse was to be expected.” She was raped as a teen in her first relationship. We need to teach young people that coersion is never ok in a relationship, whether with a peer or a datnig partner. We need to teach the difficult but necessary skills of healthy communication, decision-making and negotiation. We need to teach how to practice respect for self and others. We need to teach how to constantly be vigilant of outdated social norms and how they still pervade our culture and influence our notions about power and the acceptability of taking away someone else’s power to boost one’s one. We need to teach how to put into practice our values of respect, equality and nonviolence.

Lina July 16, 2012 · 8:32 pm

The best advice I have for someone who just started or is dating would be to be yourself 100%, take time to get to know each other deeply, and make sure not to rush anything. People say the best relationships are the ones where you marry your best friend and that’s exactly because best friends see things in you that other people don’t. When you’re with your best friend you aren’t afraid to be your normal goofy, dorky, grouchy, and fun self. A relationship that’s meant to last is one where the other person accepts you for both your flaws and the good things you have to offer. If you find yourself changing who you are then most likely the relationship is not healthy. Sometimes a person builds a relationship upon lies instead of the truth and when the truth comes out it’s destined to end quickly. Being in a relationship does not mean you should isolate yourself from your friends your partner needs to understand that when he or she decides to commit themselves with you they are also committing themselves to what you do. Something you should always avoid is being insecure with your partner because it leads to jealousy and it’s never good because trust is one of the backbones to a successful relationship. In the beginning relationships are always filled with love and happiness but there’s moments when as time goes by the love starts to fade, in my opinion a way to avoid this is communication. When you communicate you talk about everything that is on your mind and this helps to make the relationship stronger. Dating is just the first step to being in an actual relationship so it’s always best to take things one step at a time. Sometimes when you rush things it makes it hard to enjoy every detail when being with that special person, dating is when you begin to analyze a person and you figure out what it is that you like about them and what you don’t. So always keep your options open and be open to new things because that little something different is what can change your dating experience into an unforgettable one.

Taminah Jackson July 27, 2012 · 8:31 am

Dating has become popular in the world of many of us young adults. Back then, younger adults were not dating as much as today’s kids. I admit that I was in two relationships back in middle school. To those new to dating, I would like you guys to know that you can’t just fall in love with someone just because of their looks, because it’s what’s on the inside that counts also. I would also like to point out that if someone hits you in the relationship, it’s time to leave. That means that you have to pack your junk and end the relationship QUICK because once a person hits you, they will continue doing so over and over again. I have actually heard of someone my age in a detrimental relationship. I heard about this teen girl on the Dr. Phil show. She was being abused by her teen boyfriend who got jealous when guys would look at her. I don’t know anyone personally who has ever been in a detrimental relationship. I would help a friend out in that situation by having her talk to an older adult about the situation or to look for help from a therapist who can help. I would consider any type of physical abuse or verbal abuse inappropriate in a relationship and if I were the victim of it, I would pack my things and leave out of the relationship. I don’t care if the guy tells me he’s sorry for what he did and says that he promises he won’t do it again, I would still leave because I know it’s possible that it could happen again.