WTF Is Up With Twitter Flirting?

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Got sexy problems? In this, Naked City's newest feature, I will attempt to help readers figure out matters of the heart and loins such that they might copulate without confusion. Today, we take up the issue of twitter flirting (twirting?) in an effort to help a local lass understand the motivations of her gentleman caller and how she should, in turn, respond (if at all). Questions and answers, after the jump.

Dear Naked City,

Have you ever written anything about the dynamics of tweet flirting or internet flirting? I'm dealing with a tweet-flirter IRL and it's so confusing. Maybe it's a cultural thing? I just use it for posting pictures of memes and making jokes, and he seems to use it to talk to people...? It'd be interesting to see your take on it, if you have one.

Signed,
Baffled in Brooklyn.

Dear Baffled,

I must admit I am similarly taken aback by anyone who uses twitter primarily for conversation; this goes double for anyone attempting to flirt. Nothing makes me hit the un-follow button faster than a constant stream of boring @-replies to people I don't know. I assure you, sir, I care not one lick that you think you're friends with Ashton Kutcher. Of course, I'll make exceptions for exchanges that are actually amusing for most people reading them (see: Chris Weingarten vs. Parts and Labor). But it can be tough to get it right.

Tweets that should have been texts are bad enough without bringing tweets that should've been sexts into the equation. Don't get me started on the couple I double-unfollowed because I tired of knowing immediately each time they swapped bodily fluids. Get a room, guys. You are gross.

However, as with regular @-replying, exceptions can be made if your intended is able to pull it off in a clever way that doesn't make you want to laugh cruelly and show all your girlfriends. It's also cute that he's open enough about his feelings for you that he's willing to put himself out there in front of the whole internet, so there's that. You are not obligated to respond to these tweets if you don't want to; I tend to take it to email if someone is getting a little too chatty. Assuming he's a cool person who just happens to be bad at twitter, he'll get the idea pretty quickly. If he continues to harass you blithely, that should tell you something.

Conversely: how hot is this guy? Most chicks I know are willing to overlook the occasional social media abuse if they want the dick badly enough. How badly do you want the dick? Look within, and ye shall find the answer. Happy e-flirting, and I hope you will send an update on the situation if/when you've twirted your way into one another's pants..

Feel free to send all your sexy problems to nakedcity@villagevoice.com. Anonymity is guaranteed.