Her ‘Women Who Work’ initiative is the most risible heap of non-inclusive, beyond parody, bum-chunder since Gwyneth Paltow’s Goop newsletter – and I laugh up a kidney at that once a week

Trump has never experienced a long, spirit-zapping and bank-breaking clandestine public transport journey across Mississippi to the state’s one remaining clinic to secure life-changing treatment. He would prefer that clinic – now serving 1.5 million women – was closed and the woman travelled further

Watching Ant and Dec howling as Scarlett from Gogglebox swallows and vomits up a kangaroo’s bum-hole is Brexit in Excelsis. Call this snobbery if you will. I don’t make the rules

Didn’t the model Karlie Kloss end up in a furious debacle over a thong and a head-dress at the Victoria’s Secret runway show? Mmm… something about Pharrell Williams in Elle magazine? Hang on, haven’t the Washington Redskins been begged furiously to change their name of late? 

I’ve tried to find Dylan godly, really tried, but to the unloving ear he sounds like a man with a bronchial infection arduously describing his favourite commute

If the wife stays she’s a doormat or a schemer, or a Lady Macbeth egging on his wicked behaviour. Yet if she leaves and files for divorce she’s a gold-digger who's out to wreck a good family in the courts

It is 100 days since Farage humiliated Britain with a speech in which he informed men such as MEP Vytenis Andriukaitis, the decorated cardiac surgeon, that he had ‘never done a day’s work’ in his life. Now here he is again informing the world that a brain scan here and a double seizure there is simply the British political way

After her marriage to Jay-Z, the singer prefers to be addressed as ‘Mrs Carter’

Remember when millions of people with no meaningful view on the EU referendum heard a multi-millionaire West Hampstead mega-star called Emma Thompson call Britain “a misery-laden cake-fuelled grey old island”? This is Whedon's Emma Thompson moment

It’s not just London doing badly in the liveability list, but other European cities such as Zurich, Geneva, Frankfurt, Berlin, Oslo, Luxembourg, Brussels, Paris, Rome and Lisbon

In September last year, after their first attempt to ban Pornhub, Roskomnadzor replied via their Twitter account to one frustrated wanker asking for 'an alternative' with the advice: 'Dear Lyolya, as an alternative you can meet someone in real life'

Margaret Thatcher made her most far-reaching decisions on only four hours’ sleep – and sometimes it showed

I thought of a joke here about Jady Duarte’s Bolt-In-My-Bed pictures spreading quicker than her ankles, but this would lead to me spending at least 72 hours fielding abuse from whining 19-year-old offendatrons claiming 'slut-shaming'

The night tube sounds like a perfect snapshot of modern London – dark, problematic, sometimes exhilarating, ever-changing and forever awake

At some level, I recognise this ‘Cheeky Nandos Syndrome’: our intrinsic modern British certainty that most bad days could be assuaged with an impromptu Fino Platter and unlimited Fanta refills

Of course, what Hugh really needs is a stalwart Northern woman around 20 years his senior from Cumbria who could acquaint him with North West England culture by taking him to the Liverpool One shopping centre – which he now owns – in Liverpool