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Reviews
The House of Usher (2006)
The Ennui of The House of Usher
The 2006 House Of Usher film (as opposed to the countless other versions, most recently in 2008) is dull as all hell.
Plainly put. Not much else to say. It's far too bland to even bother typing a review. It's a shoddy little piece. Relatively faithful to the original story, but a bland and tiresome film regardless.
Move on. Buy something interesting. Like, I dunno, Blood Monkey- which I might review some time in the next few weeks.
Since an IMDb review requires 10 or more lines, I suppose I really must elaborate: The film is tosh. It's trash. It's garbage. It takes the dry classical texts of Poe and vacuum seals them, taking out what little life remained from the distinctly dated original works. It borrows only the most obvious aspects of the story, ignores subtlety, and pisses on the livelier bits of the original story. I'm hard pressed to care about it, and even more pressed to write a review for a film so utterly pointless.
Curse it. Curse it back to the burned out pit it most inevitably came from.
For other reviews, ramblings, music, pictures, and stuff: http://chaos-inc.tumblr.com/
FLCL (2000)
The best. Simply the best.
I enjoy anime, but the second (and I mean second) that giant robots come into play, all bets are not only off, but already lost. I despise Gundam for that exact reason. I think the entire genre of "mech" anime is stupid and trivial.
Except for this.
FLCL is the game changer. I saw it by accident on Adult Swim one evening and I was hooked. It's the sort of thing that is just hyperactive enough and fun enough that I just can't look away. It can't even decide if it's serious or not. Sometimes what you're seeing is an exaggeration and isn't real. Then other times it's COMPLETELY REAL and things are even worse and more menacing than you could ever guess. It gets fuzzy exactly who is good, who's bad, and why this is all happening.
And that's what's great about it. Even as you're laughing to the point of tears, you'll be so engaged by the chaotic story that you'll keep thinking about it for days. It's deep, messy, and I wouldn't change a thing. It's great. =)
Alice in Wonderland (2010)
A Love Letter
Without spewing the same remarks as the few reviews I glossed over, let me skip straight past the plot and on to the finer fare- the actual decision if it's good or not.
The answer, in short, is that it's great but only if you're absolutely obsessed with the two original books. This film, start to finish is nothing short of a love letter (thus the title of this review) from Burton to Lewis Carroll. It lovingly tweaks and twists at all the classic characters, summoning the Jabberwock (or as it's incorrectly known here, the Jabberwocky) but not forgetting the Jubjub bird or the frumious Bandersnatch. The only casting choice I find myself disliking is the infamous Depp as the Hatter. I actually think a relatively small- time actor would have lent himself to the role far better.
The visuals are superb, with the always... eerie Cheshire Cat hitting a perfect blend between guide and traitor. Furthermore, the slight explanation of Cheshire Cat's ability to disappear is a nice touch to bring some reality to an otherwise extremely odd world.
Eraserhead (1977)
I've NEVER Been as thoroughly horrified by a film as I am by this one.
I saw Terminator, Alien, and Poltergeist at about 6. They scared me pretty badly, but after being tucked in, I slept fairly easily. I am currently 18 years old, in college. I have a girlfriend I plan to marry and a nice dream to be a writer living in a nice house with a little white picket fence. Call me old fashioned like that. Less than 5 minutes ago, I finished watching the film Eraserhead. I... I can't think about it without shaking. It was not the typical horror by any stretch of the imagination. Yet the whole thing was like this malignant nightmare. It spreads, lays its roots down. Raises a few screams in the night like a handful of ghastly children. A black picket fence, perhaps. I'm... I'm probably going to be impotent for months. Too scared to even get it up. While watching, I began audibly gibbering, I got up and hid in the corner. And I started listening to The Beatles to diffuse the horror of it. Nothing worked. I can't listen to Yellow Submarine without remembering that baby... oh god, the baby.... x_x
If you think there's no such thing as a scary movie, sit down and watch Eraserhead. Keep an open mind. Don't jump at your chance to be critical. Just sit and watch it.
You'll learn abject terror soon enough.
The Avengers (1998)
What in god's name was that poor excuse for an hour and a half?
I won't claim it's film. It's too pathetic to be film. I won't call it a feature. It's a pedantic waste of time. The villain jumps from a total spazz out and a screaming session to a polite offer of tea. The lead Steed is a haughty arrogant ass who spends most of his time either naked or on his back- one because he's a dope and the other because he is easily caught off guard. The first 5 minutes, he is a dizzying expert of attack. The rest of the film he's a dope at best.
Uma Therman's only truly good scene at the "55 minute mark" is the scene where she is locked in what I swear to god is an Escher sketch at best. Fun ideas. But the hell is with the follow through? Is Connery rewriting reality by making weather outside? And why did half the cast spend 20 minutes darting about in bear suits? I understand secrecy and hidden identities, but BEAR SUITS? You're kidding?
The wordplay is meant to be clever, but even at 2:37 AM, it seems half- assed and silly. I can't take any of it seriously. At all. None of it.
Connery, work your weather gizmo. There's an idea famine and we're suffering BS movies because of it.
The Incredible Hulk (2008)
Just Give It A Freakin' Chance!!!
I loved it. I missed the last 10 or 15 minutes because a determined girlfriend thought it was stupid, but she thinks most things are indeed stupid. I'm even definitively stupid, so her opinion goes out the window right NOW.
The original hulk was a foul waste of time, and while it failed to please us, it cleared the path of Hulk's origins to give us the clash of the Hulk and Abomination. There are many little details just waiting in here, and if you catch them, it adds to the experience greatly. It has love, humor, action, suspense. Everything the Hulk can be counted on for, and then a bit more after that.
Even better, while in the original the Hulk was a very flat green, just very very big, this time he's got more veins than a steroids addict. It's amazing to see the detail on the characters, the plot and even the jokes.
The Dresden Files (2007)
A Different Name, Perhaps?
I recently fell in love with the Dresden books. They were passed to me by my girlfriend, who was introduced by a friend, who was hit with one on a bus by another friend of his.
I'll be honest, I saw the show before I read the book. And despite seeing how tweaked the show became, I still think this series had hope. It was NOTHING like the books except for one or two names and a sea of vague similarities.
all in all, this series deserved to be slapped with different names and locations. It was unique unto itself. Yes, it was that good. Perhaps if it was, I dunno, Simon (insert bad-ass wizard name here) of New York... Maybe it would still be on the air. It's a great series, and I love both the show and the books. Take a look at both, but don't try to compare them- you'll lose the subtle enjoyment of one or the other.
Memento (2000)
Haven't you already seen this comment?
Perhaps, but perhaps not. Maybe you've seen one like it. Maybe it's entirely unique and on its own.
This film is a brilliant piece, written by a Nolan, directed by a Nolan. Perhaps you've seen it. If not, go see it. If so, go see it... just to be sure.
The plot revolves around a man named Leonard, who, after a little... trauma... cannot form a new memory. His disability has left him paranoid, and dependent on his Polaroid pictures and incessant tattoos. With little on his side, Leonard must figure out a mystery so stunningly deep, you won't see the end coming from miles away.
Prepare to feel as though your memory slipped, and prepare to keep a few mementos of your own. This is definitely one that will stick with you.
Portal (2007)
Brilliant game!!!
Portal is a work of genius, hands down. Only genius can use cake as a philosophic standpoint, argue to kill an inanimate object, and give you sufficient reason to love things out to kill you (much less call them cute). Further more, what kind of game is this? is it a first-person-shooter? a puzzle game? a comedy? It is (more or less) all three...
Without giving too much away, you play as a character (later on named Chell) that receives a device capable of producing portals. These portals allow you to travel across a room, walking in one portal and out the other instantly. You are guided through an expanse of testing and experimentation by a computer known simply as "GLaDOS", or Generic Lifeform and Disk Operating System. Things are not quite as they seem while you make your way through the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
This game is worth the attention, and probably the most inventive thing I've seen out of the gaming world in my life. Get it. Now. =)