Your Kids Have Left Home. What Does That Mean for You and Your Spouse?
So, the kids have flown the coop, and suddenly the house feels a little too quiet.
What now?
While the empty nest stage can be a bit of an adjustment, it’s also the perfect opportunity to reconnect with your partner. With the focus shifting from parenting back to your relationship, now’s the time to rekindle that spark, rediscover shared interests, and enjoy some quality “just us” time.
“This is a transitional time when couples shift from essentially two decades of active parenting to cohabitating as a couple once again,” Anthony Damaschino, author of The Empty Nest Blueprint, tells Flow Space. “As a result, priorities and routines can dramatically shift. This shift often becomes a refocus on the couple’s relationship.”
Rekindling a frayed connection
For some, this transition feels natural, like slipping into a cozy old sweater. For others, years of juggling kids, work and life might have left the connection a bit frayed. Damaschino suggests that a great way to reignite that connection is by looking back—both at your relationship and yourselves as individuals.
“Each spouse before children was a single individual with hopes and dreams. More importantly, as a couple before children, there was an origin story—a love story between two people,” Damaschino says. “Examining the past, what brought you together and what you loved about each other is a good place to start.”
Stephanie Flood, a licensed intimacy therapist, agrees, adding that rediscovering each other can feel a lot like dating again—only this time, you’ve got history on your side. “Start by spending quality time together, trying new activities or revisiting old hobbies you both loved. It’s about getting to know each other in a new context,” she tells Flow Space.
Importance of communication
Flood also highlights the importance of communication during this exciting time. She advises to talk about your desires, needs and even your fears.
“Spending time together, both in and out of the bedroom, is important, too,” she says. “Simple gestures like holding hands, planning date nights or even just being more affectionate can make a big difference.”
Active listening is another crucial piece of the puzzle.
Flood says it’s not just about hearing what your partner says, but really understanding them. “Being open and honest, without jumping to conclusions or getting defensive, helps a lot,” says Flood. “Create a safe space where both partners feel heard and valued.”
Flood also recommends creating new rituals or traditions to help redefine your relationship. Whether it’s a weekly dinner date, a new shared hobby or an annual getaway, having something special to look forward to can really strengthen your bond.
Don’t fall into complacency
“It’s about carving out time that’s just for the two of you,” Flood says.
As you reconnect, it’s important to avoid falling into the trap of routine or complacency. In addition, Flood explains not to assume everything will just naturally fall into place now that the kids are gone.
“Reconnecting takes effort and intention,” Flood says. “Be careful not to ignore or dismiss each other’s feelings during this transition.”
Balancing independence with staying connected is another key element. Flood suggests encouraging each other to pursue individual interests and passions but also making sure to share experiences together.
“Independence doesn’t have to mean isolation; it can actually strengthen your bond when done right,” Flood says. “Just keep the lines of communication open so that both of you feel connected, even while doing your own thing.”
