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1992 – Cheltenham
“Quit struggling.”
It’s said in a hissed whisper, Kendall’s eyes tracking the door to the laundry room like a guard dog. Shiv’s hand is covering Roman’s mouth and he thinks about licking her palm or maybe even biting her fingers but he doesn’t.
They’re all listening carefully for any noise beyond the door sheltering them from the rest of the world. Kendall nods and Shiv lets go of Roman’s mouth. He tries to chase after her fingers, just to get her to shriek. The back of Kendall’s hand cracks against his cheek. The force of the blow makes his head snap to the side.
“Ow,” Roman complains and rubs at the reddened skin, glaring at his brother. He’s sure it will bruise. Shiv grins at him and sticks out her tongue. She’s such a child.
“You have to lie down, Romey,” Kendall says and Roman opens his mouth to protest immediately. “I don’t wanna play,” he whines, tries to get up from the table meant for folding laundry. There’s a pile of clean clothes on the floor, haphazardly shoved to the side from earlier when they first entered the laundry room.
“Yeah, you do,” Kendall says and Shiv nods. “You do,” she repeats because she is mean and likes taking Kendall’s side to gang up on Roman. Roman thinks it’s unfair, she’s supposed to be on his side, she’s his twin after all. But when Kendall plays with them and he has an idea she’s always on his side, especially if it means it will inconvenience Roman. She likes seeing him get all teary-eyed and scared, Roman’s sure of that; had this theory for a few months now.
He huffs but lies down nonetheless. They’re right, though he’s loath to admit it. He does want to play.
Kendall hands Shiv some black latex gloves that are way too big for both of their hands and they both snap them on. Next are the surgical masks. Roman squirms. He doesn’t like the masks; thinks Ken and Shiv don’t look like his siblings with them on. All he sees is their eyes. The way they track his movements makes him feel all weird and jumpy. There’s a tray of various tools next to his feet. Roman contemplates kicking it off the table, just to get Shivvy all frustrated and whiny but his cheek still stings from Ken’s backhand.
He lies very still, hands by his side and squeezes his eyes shut as tight as possible.
“Scissors,” he hears Kendall say, voice slightly muffled behind the mask. Roman’s eyes fly open. He likes this shirt. It has stripes of different shades of blue and it’s one of the few ones mom personally picked out for him a few months ago, not any of the nannies. Before he can protest, Kendall has already snip-snip-snipped a straight line from the hem up towards his chest. If he had known they would play today, he wouldn’t have worn it. His lip wobbles.
“Don’t be a baby,” Shiv says and there is a mean glint in her eyes. Roman thinks he can see her lips curl into a smile behind her mask. His own lip continues to wobble, tears gathering in his eyes.
“Don’t even think about it.” There’s a finality in Kendall’s voice, a warning: all arguing is useless. A tear slides down Roman’s cheek, trails down his warm skin until it soaks into the fabric of his cut-up shirt. Kendall is quick to cut through the sleeves to make it easier to get Roman out of the shirt. Dead people can’t take off their clothes on their own, that’s what Kenny has told him the first time they played. Roman closes his eyes again.
Next are his shorts. Kendall is quick to cut through those, too. Roman shivers. It’s cold on the table. Two more snips and he’s fully bare, his cut-up clothes most likely discarded on the floor with the other laundry. His chest flushes red, stomach feeling funny.
“Knife,” Kendall says. There’s a metallic scraping sound when Shiv picks it up from the tray of tools. Roman knows this part. It’s a butter knife Kendall stole from the kitchens; dull enough not to actually cut Roman but he feels the threat of it all the same when Kendall traces it over his skin, acts like he’s actually cutting him open to inspect his insides. Roman chances a glance and cracks his eyes open. Shiv watches their big brother intently, is pressed against his side while Kendall pushes the knife into Roman’s skin. He leaves red marks wherever the knife goes.
Roman lies very still. His tummy feels funny again, the way it does when he’s falling, shortly before hitting the ground, pebbles digging into his palm. Except he’s not falling and there are no pebbles here.
“What’s that?” Shiv asks and points. Kendall’s eyes follow the direction of her finger, so do Roman’s. The flush spreads up his chest and to his face.
“Needs inspecting,” Kendall says thoughtfully. Pressure lifts off his chest when his brother stops pushing the knife into his skin. They’re both huddled at the foot-end of the table now, leaning over his body.
“Hold it for me,” Kendall orders and Shiv is quick to follow, her hand closing around his penis. Roman makes a noise, not unlike a dog that’s just been kicked, a high whimper in the back of his throat. Both his siblings glare at him. Dead people don’t make noises. He bites the inside of his cheek to keep himself silent but then Shivvy lets go of him and Roman thinks it’s over but then—there’s a sudden coldness against his skin and his eyes grow all wide and big as Kendall presses the knife against his penis, brows furrowed in concentration. Roman doesn’t know what’s happening. There’s another noise clawing up his throat and try as he might, he can’t hold it in but it doesn’t matter because both Kendall and Shiv are too busy watching his penis get all weird and hard to pay attention to his whimpering.
“That’s so gross,” Shiv comments and Roman’s chest heaves like he’s just run around the house three times without a break. Despite her words, though, she touches it again because Shiv is curious, always has been and she may be a little evil, too. He’d seen the look she’d given him after calling it gross, her eyes all laser-focused on his face, watching carefully what reaction she could get out of Roman.
Kendall presses the knife harder against his crotch, slices it down as if he was cutting a piece of meat. It makes Roman shudder and let out another noise. His belly feels tight, muscles spasming. Shiv squeezes him and all the air is punched out of his lungs. He doesn’t know what is happening but something is happening; a volcano inside his tummy that’s close to erupting, filling his limbs with a warmth he hasn’t known before. His blood runs hot in his veins, a fire beneath his skin and Roman opens his mouth, though whether that’s to tell them to stop or don’t stop, he doesn’t know. It doesn’t matter. Within an instant, their hands retreat and Roman is left panting like a dog, whining high in his throat again. He gasps, wants to tell them to continue, to go on but he doesn’t get the chance to.
“Shut up, stupid,” Kendall hisses and cuffs him on the side of his head. There are tears pricking at the corners of Roman’s eyes. He’s still trying to catch his breath. “We’ll have to send a report to the lab,” he continues, now focused on Shiv, back to playing their little game, like none of what just happened matters. Shiv nods and that’s that. They leave the laundry room and Roman in it, breathless and crying.
1999 – The Summer Palace
His legs dangle in the pool, feet kicking up droplets of water when Shiv joins him, wearing sunglasses and a hat way too big for her head. It’s a gift from dad, she said when Roman made fun of her for it upon his arrival. It was enough to shut him up given the fact dad wasn’t even there to welcome him back after a whole year of Roman being at military school.
He looks up at her now, squinting against the glare of the sun, some of his hair falling into his eyes. He ought to cut it but he knows one of the sergeants at St. Andrews will shave it all off when he returns, so he doesn’t bother.
“He’s here,” Shiv says, not offering any more information but Roman knows all the same. He contemplates shoving her into the pool, watching her splutter and screech, the white of her summer dress turning translucent, so Roman can ogle her newly developed tits. Her chest had been flat as a board when he had been shipped off to school last year. Shiv turns on her heels and the moment passes. He kicks at the water some more before pushing himself up onto his feet and following her into the mansion to greet their brother.
When he arrives inside, he’s not surprised to see Kendall openly leering at their sister. Even as they’re talking, his eyes continuously drift down towards her chest and Roman kind of pities him because he can see that he’s putting in a lot of effort to not stare, though he’s failing miserably.
He leans against one of the columns in the foyer, arms crossed in front of his own chest and observes the exchange from a distance. The last time he’s seen Kendall, he’d woken him up in the middle of the night to help Roman change his bedsheets. The next day, dad had Roman get into a car to be driven to the airport. A new school to straighten him out, he’d said.
He still hasn’t forgiven Kendall for that and judging from the guilty look in his brother’s eyes, Kendall hasn’t forgotten, either.
When he looks away from Shiv’s growing cleavage long enough to catch Roman’s eye, Roman turns tail and locks himself in his room. Dinner that evening is awkward. Neither mom, nor dad have arrived yet and none of them are eating what the servers put on the table. Roman is the first to get up when Kendall asks Shiv about her school year.
Summer continues like that for a while. He spends a lot of time by the pool harassing Shiv when she cares to join him. When she doesn’t, he tries to avoid Kendall. It’s fairly easy, the Summer Palace big enough to get lost in. Try as he might, though, he can’t avoid Kendall for the whole summer, especially not when dad arrives and expects attendance at all mealtimes, even when he isn’t attending himself. None of them dare to bring it up to him, though.
Soon enough, they’ve fallen back into their old rhythm and while Roman still hasn’t forgiven Kendall for telling on him, he’s not actively shutting him out anymore. Besides, summer is easier to bear with Kendall’s endless weed supply.
They’re out by the pool, the sun setting, passing a joint between them. Roman is lying flat on his back, his legs dangling off the edge of the pool, toes grazing the water. The stone floor beneath his back is still warm from the day’s sun.
“You’ve never been with a guy?” Kendall asks incredulously, sitting cross-legged next to Roman’s head. Shiv rolls her eyes, snatches the joint from between Roman’s fingers and takes a deep drag. Her cheeks colour red and Roman is sure it’s not because of the smoke she’s just inhaled. He cracks a smile.
“Fuck off,” Shiv spits, smoke curling out from between her lips as she swats at Roman’s head. Roman makes a noise in protest. “I didn’t even do anything!”
Kendall ignores their little spat, his brows drawn together all frowny. It makes him look older than he actually is, the lines of his face more pronounced. Roman giggles. All-Serious-Ken just because Shivvy hasn’t sucked a guy off. He’s ridiculous.
“Shiv, you’re a—uh, a—a woman now. You’ve got to know about all that if you—if you expect anyone to ever want to stay with you,” he stutters out, tone of his voice bordering on offended. Out of the corner of his eyes, Roman can see Shiv staring at their brother, her mouth hanging open. Her face has gone beet-red, the joint she’s got pinched between her fingers forgotten.
“Fuck you, Ken,” she grinds out, glaring at some spot on the floor. Roman can sense the shift in mood and he tries to sober up, to wipe the stupid smile off his own face. Kendall seems to have sensed it, too because he waves his arms around, shakes his head.
“No, no, come on Shiv, I—I—I—I just mean, maybe you should get some practice in,” he tries to placate her and, well, now Roman is kind of offended on Shiv’s behalf. He sits up, plucks the joint out of Shiv’s fingers and extinguishes it by pushing the bud into the concrete floor.
“Jesus, Ken. Easy. Not everyone has the privilege to get molested by dad,” he says, cracking a grin that’s bordering on mean. Kendall’s head whips around, a glare directed at Roman. He shivers.
“Hey, dude, what the fuck?”
Roman shrugs. Before he can form a reply, Shiv’s gathered her bearings again. “Practice with who?”
Kendall glances at her, glances at Roman, glances back at her. Her eyes follow, so do Roman’s. His insides feel like they’re frozen. “What?” He squeaks out. “No. Absolutely not—”
***
The bed squeaks when Shiv leans over him, some of her hair falling over his bare chest. It tickles a little and Roman squirms, tries to get away from her but it’s no use. His hands are cuffed to the headboard of Kendall’s bed, some freaky shit he found in one of his drawers. Roman wanted to make fun of him but his mouth went dry, his heartbeat pounding in his ears. Kendall’s at the foot of the bed, his hands closed around Roman’s ankles and pushing them down, so he can’t kick out anymore. They stripped him down to his boxer briefs.
“You’re so fucked up, man,” Kendall breathes out, eyes locked on the very obvious bulge in his little brother’s underwear. Roman wants to point out that Kendall is practically rutting against the mattress, so he has no room to talk but Shiv chooses that moment to hook her fingers into the waistband of his underwear and slowly drag it down his erection. All the breath is punched out of his lungs.
“Well, someone’s definitely excited,” she says, a knowing smirk on her lips. “Does that excite you? Having your own sister jerk you off?”
He shakes his head, tries to deny it. It’s just stupid teen hormones, nothing else but his dick twitches and Roman knows it’s not stupid teen hormones. He’s never been hard like this, always thought the boys at military school were just fucking around when they said it happens to them when they’re in Ms. Cadwell’s class.
This is not Ms. Cadwell, though. It’s Shiv, his own sister, the one who stole all the nutrients in mom’s womb and made him almost die. It couldn’t be any more wrong if he tried. It’s exactly what he needs; he knows.
“He fucking loves it,” Kendall says, then gives her a nod. “Go ahead.”
She licks the palm of her hand, closes it around his cock. The drag is dry, her spit not enough to make it a smooth glide and Roman whines, squirming again. He’s not sure whether he wants to get away or get closer, whether he wants her to stop or go on. It doesn’t matter anyway because his opinion is of no consequence. Shiv twists her wrist on the upstroke and Roman makes a noise like he’s just been shot. “Oh yeah, he loves it.”
Roman doesn’t think it needs verbal confirmation but his siblings have always dabbled in a little verbal humiliation and it’s not like he’s exactly opposed to it.
“How does it feel, Rome?” Kendall asks, still holding onto his ankles. Roman stares at him, mouth open, panting while Shiv continues stroking him. Kendall’s pupils are blown, there’s a tent in his pants. Roman can’t answer. Kendall cracks a smile. “You sure you haven’t done this before? You’ve barely started and he’s already speechless. Very uncharacteristic.”
“Maybe Ro knows what’s good for him, isn’t that right?” She leans over him in a way that blocks his view to Kendall. He has no choice but to look at her and nod pathetically. Shiv snorts, focuses on stroking her thumb over the head of his cock. He’s leaking like a faucet already, it’s almost embarrassing if it wasn’t so hot.
“You’re doing good, Shiv,” Ken says and he lets go of Roman’s ankles. He moves up the bed and comes to rest on Roman’s other side, watching Shiv’s hand like a hawk. His left leg twitches but he doesn’t kick out again. Shiv squeezes, breathes a good boy, and Roman thinks he’s going to lose it right then and there. Her other hand closes around the base of his cock, squeezes tightly. There are tears gathering in his eyes. “Look at him, fuck.” He sees Ken palming his own cock, sweat beading at his temple.
His sister lets go of him altogether, leans down and spits on his head. “Oh, fuck,” he moans out, back arching off the mattress, wrists tugging at the cuffs uselessly. Both Kendall and Shiv place their hands on his chest to push him back down. Kendall pinches his nipple. He makes another wounded sound.
“Here, I know how to finish him off,” Kendall says and a look passes between them. They both spit into their palms, their hands closing around his cock together. “Come here.” They’re on their knees now, Roman between them forgotten except for where they’re still holding onto him as they lean closer, locking their lips together. They stroke him in unison while they kiss and true to his word, it’s enough for Roman to whine high in his throat as his load spills over both their hands. They don’t pay attention, continue stroking him well past the point of pleasure. Kendall pulls her closer with his free hand, deepens the kiss between them and Shiv lets him.
Roman is crying for real now, the overstimulation too much. It’s only when Shiv pulls away to catch her breath, they let go of him. Kendall’s chest is heaving and through the blur of his own tears, Roman can see that there’s a wet spot in the front of his pants. There’s not enough time to dwell on it before Kendall’s shoving his fingers into his mouth, ordering him to clean up.
By the time Roman is done licking both their fingers clean, his dick is already hard and leaking between them again, despite being all red from overstimulation. “Please,” he croaks out, eyes wet and shiny.
Shiv gives him a pitying look. “Don’t think so,” she says and sends a swift smack to his balls that makes him cry out. A drop of precum spills from the head.