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{{wikipedia}}
'''Aston Villa''' is yet another [[testicle]] kicking group of sweaty men who are paid vast sums of money just to chase something which isn't even living. In fact they are known for being one of the best testicle kicking teams ever. They have approximately
▲'''Aston Villa''' is yet another [[testicle]] kicking group of sweaty men who are paid vast sums of money just to chase something which isn't even living. In fact they are known for being one of the best testicle kicking teams ever. They have approximately 2 supporters worldwide their names: Dylan Griffiths and Ciaran Finnegan.
==History==
[[File:Arc-Joan of Arc Engraving.jpg|thumb|left|Harry Hampton scores one of his two goals in the 1905 FA Cup Final]]
Created in [[1874]] by some mentalist [[Malaysia]]n truckers, Aston Villa have a long and rich history and are one of the oldest teams around. Not as old as Herbert D. Ellis, but still pretty old. The team comprised of some young kids plucked from a local school. They lost their opening match 3-5,945, but they were a good bunch of young lads and they'd learn. The manager didn't have much to work with apparently. They also all hate BLUES SCUM.
==The 1990s==
[[File:Sanders family.JPG|thumb|The Aston Villa team of the 1890s.]]
In the 1990s, the club hit a rough patch. Still under the evil dictatorship of [http://www.rotteneggs.com/?refid=241821 Herbert Douglas Ellis] (yes, the same one. Still there) - a man with more wrinkles than a shrivelled walnut - the club were starved of vital magic beans to trade for magic cows. [http://www.rotteneggs.com/?refid=241821 Vegetable Taylor] lead the club to mild goodness before going to manage [http://www.rotteneggs.com/?refid=241821 Engerland]. As the 90s began, [[Sun Tan Ron]] lead the team in a lovely white away kit - rumours that Sun Tan Ron demanded the kit was changed from its original black design have since been unfounded. Brian "rabbit man" Little was appointed as coach following STR's departure after turning the team into a steaming pile of turd. Little appointed Neil Amptey as chief goalmarksman - he was rubbish. He then signed Graham Fenton Destroyer - and what a destroyer. No stadium roof was safe from his pin point accuracy. In a fit of desperation, the evil brother of Serbian dictator [http://www.rotteneggs.com/?refid=241821 Slobodan Milosevic] was signed, and a mad Brummie by the name of Stanloi Vickter Collymower was recruited from [http://www.rotteneggs.com/?refid=241821 BinDippingThievingScouseCuntsKopEndGoodSenseOfHumourLa FC]. He kicked people, and wasn't very good. Little was despensed with, and MadMan Greggerz took the hotseat. He lead the club upwards, but signed players nearly as old as the chairman (yes, the same one. Still there...) and eventually left after a disagreement about how much pocket money he was given to spend.
[[File:Birrong-sign-dont-walk-w.jpg|thumb|left|The 1982 European Cup winning squad celebrate the 40th anniversary of their win.]]
Vegetable Taylor came back for another spell at the helm, in a superb [http://www.rotteneggs.com/?refid=241821 penny-pinching] exercise. Actually, calling him a Vegetable is a bit misleading - "Completeandutterspacktardwithnoclueabouttactics" would be fairer. Under Taylors tenure, the team was at its lowest ebb since beating Bayurrrn Mewnick all those years ago. In one game, the goaltender Peter Nostudscantevencontrolathrowin hilariously (to some) allowed a tossback from Olof Meerkat to roll into his goal.
==For sale?==
[[File:Ncert1.gif|thumb|Old crest (2000–2007).]]
There are hints that chairman Ellis (yes, same one. Still there) might sell up to some Oirish builders, but they dont seem to have any money to get him to fuck off and stop killing our club with a lack of investment.
Aston Villa football club is currently for sale for latest bid was £1.02 from Daniel Lewis from Wellington (Telford). The bid is being seriously considered. However, it was revealed that the bid was not accepted as the bidder turned out to be just another nobody attempting to get their name posted up on the internet.
Aston Villa is rumoured to have gained interest from terrorist group 'Wiz Khalifa' with a speculated bid currently at £6.75, which is currently enough to purchase the sub bench a kit kat chunky each. However, this rumour is yet to be clarified.
==Current Squad==
[[File:Shevardnadze Explosion body.jpg|thumb|Wes Edens, the club co-owner of Aston Villa.]]
1. Emiliano Martinez - Best 'keep in the world unless you ask any Arsenal fans.
2. Matty Cash - Polish Cafu despite being from Slough.
3. Diegooooo Carlos - Signed for £100m despite having one leg..
4. George 'Ezra' Konsa - all the charisma of Susan Boyle.
5. Tyrone Minge- everyone outside Birmingham want him sent to Rwanda.
6. Douglas Luiz - Top shagger in the Birmingham area.
7. John McGinn - Biggest head in the world.
8.Youri Tielemans - Blamed for Morgan Sanson's disappearance.
9. Bertrand Traore- Who?
10. Emiliano Buendia - the next Steve Sidwell.
12. Lucas Digne - French stripper signed by Steve Gerrard for his wedding with Philippe Coutinho.
14. Pau Torres - mistook Birmingham for Barcelona.
14. The Fonz- next Bosko Balaban.▼
16. Calum Chambers - rumour has it he was left at a motorway services somewhere in Gloucester.
19. Moussa Diaby - signed after complaints that there was not enough foreigners.
24 .John Carew 2.0 - tallest player in the team but unable to kick a ball.
25. Robin Olsen - worst player in the world, plays in every World Cup.
▲24. Carlos Cueller- bought for the bull fighting show for Martin's wedding with Emile Heskey
???-A couple of
69. Marlon Harewood- Feed the hare and he'll shit all over the pitch.
99. Sadam Hussein- injured with a broken neck
==War==
== War of Villa 2040 ==
The war of villa lasted 33 seconds in the year 2040 and was not clearly stated to be an official war. The war was fought between a cyborg Doug Ellis(yes, the same one. Still there...), and a man named Hector who would not give up his free coupon for a Costas Hot Chocolate. Doug promptly beat Hector round the head with his thick wallet before imploding, leaving nothing but a small version of David O'Leary saying "we need more players".
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[[Category:English football clubs]]
[[pt:Aston Villa Football Club]]
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