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Phil Harvey (band manager) was a Music good articles nominee, but did not meet the good article criteria at the time. There may be suggestions below for improving the article. Once these issues have been addressed, the article can be renominated. Editors may also seek a reassessment of the decision if they believe there was a mistake.
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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
A. Prose quality (prose is clear and concise, without exceeding quotations, or spelling and grammar errors):
The prose is verbose due to your native language; Romance languages tend to be extensive while English is a compact language ("prose is clear and concise" is a requirement). I'm not quick-failing since I quickfail only in extreme circumstances (David Archuleta (album)), but you'll have to work on this accordingly.
Some statements are not mentioned. I assume good faith on the offline sources, but you have to verify if the content said in those sources is reflected accordingly.
"Philip Christopher Harvey is an English manager and creative director. He is best known for his work with the rock band Coldplay". → You can merge both sentences because he is no one else's manager or creative director, as far as I know, and he is part of the band officially.
"While attending Trinity College, Oxford, he used to organise and promote student parties at local clubs, dropping out of his course to manage the band and helping them finance Safety (1998)." → "He used to organise and promote student parties at local clubs while enrolled at Trinity College, Oxford." (Here, we have missing information that connects that sentence with the following sentence. That is, how he went from local parties to manage Coldplay?) "He dropped out of his studies to manage the band and assist in funding Safety (1998), their first extended play."
"Subsequent" is a better word than "following".
"a job which usually requires a team." → that
"Harvey left Coldplay's line-up for four years" → when? You said it is a four-year interval and he returns, so more background is helpful
He completed a psychology degree at the University of Melbourne during this interval, returned as a creative director, and started to make select cameo appearances in their music videos. → during this interval; then returned as a creative director and he began to make sporadic cameos in their music videos.
"He won a Grammy Award for Record of the Year as part of Coldplay. Having sold over 100 million albums worldwide as of 2021, they are the most commercially successful group of the 21st century." → "He won a Grammy Award for Record of the Year as part of Coldplay and they have sold over 100 million albums worldwide as of 2021, becoming the most commercially successful group of the 21st century."
Since there are 1000 characters in this section of the article alone and the three previous nominations mentioned grammar errors, I strongly advise you to consider seeking help from copy editors, peer reviewers, or even online automated tools (but don't rely solely on the latter) for subsequent nominations to avoid having multiple failed nominations.
Early life
"He studied at Sherborne School between 1990 and 1995, in the Lyon house." → House is a proper word here.
"He also played bass for The Rockin' Honkies" → MOS:THEMUSIC. The "also" means an addition, the previous clause was that he met Martin, so this "also" is adding nothing to the sentence. This could be easily solved if you ordered and merged the right sentences:
He studied at Sherborne School between 1990 and 1995, in the Lyon house.
He also played bass for The Rockin' Honkies, a group that performed soul and R&B covers.
His position, however, was eventually changed to sound engineer.
While at the institution, Harvey met and became friends with Chris Martin.
Martin was invited to become their keyboard player around the same time.
These sentences are unnecessarily separated and some can be merged, i.e. "While at the institution, Harvey met and became friends with Chris Martin, who was invited to become their keyboard player", for example.
Management
"Despite considering those activities to be basic, he has stated that these gigs helped him to understand how to hire a venue, book a musician or DJ, and try to make money" → "He has said that although he views those activities as simple, they have taught him how to hire a venue, book a musician or DJ, or generate a revenue."
"In 1998, Martin complained that one of the local promoters in Camden was spiteful towards Coldplay, to which Harvey suggested the band should organise a performance on their own at Dingwalls" → "When Martin said that a Camden local promoter was being vindictive of Coldplay in 1998, Harvey recommended the band put up a show at Dingwalls on their own."
A&R should be linked, it is not a common word outside the music market
"It was around this period that he dropped out of college to dedicate himself to management, which encompassed calling A&R professionals, reading Music Week, and scheduling more shows." → "Around this time, he left college to focus on management, which included making calls to A&R professionals, reading Music Week, and booking additional performances (or scheduling more shows, I'm just showing how paraphrasing and simplifying your ideas adds fluency to the text).
"One of the performances arranged by Harvey was for In the City, a festival of unsigned bands in Manchester" → Unnecessary passive voice.
"However, when the song was finally released, they already had signed with Parlophone. Harvey later got overwhelmed by the success of Parachutes (2000)" → Sentence A and Sentence B need to be connected somehow.
since Coldplay had won British Group and British Album of the Year → both British Group and British Album of the Year
"he declared that the 2001 Brit Awards was his lowest point [...] but he was feeling exhausted. → I don't get the "but" here as this is not opposing the 2001 Awards, but the former sentence, "Despite Estelle Wilkinson being hired as his assistant to help". This is why you'll need to rewrite multiple sentences throughout the article. Don't emphasize the results, Harvey is the main subject of the article, only focus on him and work from there.
"Harvey announced his departure" → "As a consequence, Harvey announced his departure"
"His role was jointly taken over by Wilkinson and Dave Holmes, who managed Coldplay in the United States." → This is unclear, was Holmes the US manager and Wilkinson the UK manager or both were the managers in the US?
"He worked for the band until 2022 and sued them over a contractual dispute in the following year" → dispute the following year
Creative direction
"Following his years away from the United Kingdom, Harvey went back to London and started to hang out with Martin again." → This sentence can be improved and simplified
"He visited the studio occasionally to give his opinion on what the band were doing, something which became a permanent role by 2006." → This sentence can be improved and simplified and "something which" reads weird
"As per Jonny Buckland" → who is this person?
"He was encouraged to describe himself as their creative director" → WP:WEASEL
"He has appeared as an easter egg in several music videos released by Coldplay" → "He has appeared as an easter egg in several Coldplay music videos"
"more widely available" → "broadly available"
Personal life
"It was reported" → Weasel
"in Brentwood, Los Angeles for $15.4 million" → "in Brentwood, Los Angeles, for $15.4 million"
"While away from Coldplay, he travelled to South America,[11] studied psychotherapy and counseling at Regent's College" → The phrasing suggests that Regent's College is situated in South America.
"graduated from the University of Melbourne with a psychology degree" → "earned a psychology degree from the University of Melbourne."
"the project was launched in Camden → Camden was linked above already
"He worked as a volunteer at Upbeat afterwards; the project was launched in Camden to provide lessons, workshops, equipment, rehearsal space and many other services to musicians who had mental health issues" → This sentence can be improved and simplified. Also, "who had" implies they no longer have them.
References and notes
"The term "records" is for album and single sales combined. Coldplay, however, sold 100 million copies in albums alone, while Parlophone have not disclosed the amount of records." → This is backed up by Source 1 (The Sound of Vinyl), which is an explanation of what records mean. Source 2 (Variety) only says this: "The group, comprised of Chris Martin, Jonny Buckland, Guy Berryman and Will Champion, has sold over 100 million albums worldwide". This qualifies as original research due to a WP:synthesis conclusion. You need to find a source that explicitly supports your statement or simply report what the source(s) say.
Source 3 (The Telegraph) okay, there are no ways to avoid the close paraphrasing
What makes Source 4 (Jatim Network) a reliable source?
Source 6 (Infobae) → "Chris Martin, El Chico Bueno que Provoca Suspiros y Cree En El Amor Eterno", the headline is not all caps, it is lowercased
Source 8 (El País Uruguay) → "Chris Martin Se Metió al Público Argentino En El Bolsillo", the headline is not all caps, it is lowercased
Source 8 (El País Uruguay) → It says the following "According to biografíasyvidas.com". Is it a reliable source? According to their About us, they don't provide their sources because "it is useless" ([1])
Source 8 (El País Uruguay) → |url-access=registration
What makes Source 10 (Coldplay E-Zine) a reliable source? Part of this content also appears at Source 11 (Music Business Worldwide) though
Source 13 (Manchester Evening News) doesn't mention Phil, so this falls into an original research
Source 16 (Wales Online) → "Despite Estelle Wilkinson being hired as his assistant to help" it is implied but it is never said she was hired as a manager assistant
"something which became a permanent role by 2006" → Source 20 (The Observer) says this: "Where Martin is skittish, Buckland is quiet and cheerful, and both Berryman and Champion are confident and loquacious. The guitarist talks up the importance of the acquisition and construction of the Bakery in 2006, and the return to the camp of their 'fifth member', Phil Harvey." It doesn't says that he returned it 2006.
What makes Source 21 (Tedium.co) a reliable source? The About us implies it is a personal blog ([2])
Source 22 (Telehit) → "TeleHit Música", refer to TeleHit Música
What makes Source 26 (Psychminded) a reliable source?
Source 28 (ClientEarth) is a primary source
Source 29 (Grammy Awards) → The publisher is The Recording Academy, Grammy is just the award. It also mentions he has two additional nominations
Source 30 (Leeds Metropolitan University) is a primary source
Sources 2 (Variety), 3 (The Telegraph), 6 (Infobae), 8 (El País Uruguay), 10 (Coldplay E-Zine), 11 (Music Business Worldwide), 13 (Manchester Evening News), 16 (Wales Online), 19 (Variety), 20 (The Observer), 22 (Telehit), 23 (Rádio Social Plus Brasil), 25 (Dirt) mention authors, please, add them
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
