6 Ways To Balance Parenthood And A Successful Career

For many parents, the weight of a successful career must be juggled with family responsibilities, and this can create an imbalance that even the best parents (or master jesters!) can’t always handle.

Take, for example, my friend Nicole: She and her husband are full-time working parents who have well-paying jobs and a beautiful home in a nice community. They seem like that perfect family with the cute Facebook photos that make you feel bad about your own life. The only catch is that their family time is short. After their commutes to and from Manhattan, both arrive home with just two hours to spend with their two little boys each night. And those happen to be the crankiest kid hours of the day.

But with the costs of middle-class living soaring, many families need two parents working full-time to pay for their lifestyle. And this doesn't always lead to a good work-life balance, according to Werk co-founders Annie Dean and Anna Auerbach, whose company puts flexibility insights and data into the hands of companies to help them work smarter.

"When it comes to caregiving, both men and women are struggling to be the kind of parents they want to be, with 34 percent of parents agreeing that the structure of their workday makes it difficult to fulfill their afternoon and evening caregiving responsibilities,” shares Dean.

I grew up in a house where both parents had full-time jobs, but somehow things felt different back then. My mother stayed home until I was 2. When she went back to work, she was home at 5:30 p.m. and my father by 6 p.m. They were protected by unions and never had to bring home their work or answer client calls on their cell phones. (Pay phones were more their style!) They had a great vacation and retirement package, both retired by 55, and they are now living in south Florida sipping sugar-free piña coladas.

Ambitious Americans have been working an average of one more day each year since the 1970s, according to Juliet Short, author of "The Overworked American." We also work longer than most Europeans, with some people spending up to 50 hours a week in the office and away from family. We take less vacation time and retire later — so chances are I won't enjoy that Florida condo where Bingo is played every day at the community center. But maybe that's a good thing.

"The one-size-fits-all work structures we still adhere to were popularized during a time when the American family looked radically different," says Dean. "Today, we have more dual income households than ever before, more female breadwinners, more single parents, more people caring both up and down, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. While many of the innovations that we’ve seen over the last decade have improved workplace efficiency and fluidity, none have optimized the structure of the workday itself. As a result, work has become fundamentally incompatible with the complexities of modern life."

At the same time, many parents choose to work full time. They want to get out of the house, in spite of the long hours away from family. Being home with a crying baby or demanding toddler all day and night isn’t always fun — even for the best parents. One of my friends hired a nanny as soon as her baby was born. She knew she needed to work and be creative and fulfilled as a writer.

Other parents are pursuing alternative career paths that allow them to have more time at home. Frank Rizzo left his previous full-time job to start his own personal training business and website called The Dad Habit. Though he now has time to spend more time with his family, his business still keeps him busy. "We have way more distractions as well," he says. "We are all expected to answer emails within minutes at 9 p.m., and when we aren’t working there is always a new post on social media that is luring us in."

As for me, I knew I wanted a job with flexibility even before I had a child, and I started freelancing as a writer and marketer for small to mid-sized companies. When my son was born, and after the first two weeks of regretting my decision to even have a child in a state of postpartum insanity, I knew I wasn’t going anywhere. At age 40, I was going to appreciate this time and soak in mommyhood, through first steps, no sleep, long days and endless nighttime books about bears.

My husband is a full-time musician, and we had to cut down our spending and living expenses to allow me to stay at home. Yes, I’m an expert thrift-store shopper with no shame. We also live in a moderate two-bedroom apartment, which feels a little cozy at times, but we make it work thanks to good, creative shelving. (Thank you, IKEA.) But finding that balance is possible.

For those parents who do want more time at home, here are some options to consider:

Make a financial plan
List out all your financial obligations and monthly costs and see what costs need to be cut in order for your family to live on one salary. You'd be surprised at how many expenses we can cut if we prioritize what’s really important. For example, do you really need that weekly mani-pedi? Can you budget your grocery shopping and plan out your meals to keep costs down? What if you were to skip those cafe lattes each morning? Working with an expert like Galia Gichon might be able to help you navigate your financial options.

Find jobs with flexible hours
Apply to work for companies that have a family-friendly policy and will let you work from home a couple days a week. "For Fortune 500 companies you can trust Working Mother media’s list of best companies for working mothers,” says Kristina Leonardi, an NYC-based holistic career and executive coach. Companies like Danone are even offering unlimited paid time off to attract and retain their millennials, which sounds like a dream come true for the rest of us too.

Talk to HR
"If you’re considering leaving your job, ask your HR manager if they would consider implementing new technology like FlexMatch, our flexibility insights platform," says Dean. "Arm yourself with facts and make the business case for it. By removing the emotional language of the past and proving that flexibility is a strategic business advantage rather than an accommodation, we can finally make jobs adaptive to the humans who perform them — and that’s a win-win for everyone."

Ease your anxiety about staying home
Many moms I know especially worry about pausing their careers and think they will never work again. Experts say this is simply not the case. You will find work again when you’re ready to re-enter the workforce. Your career might not be exactly where you left it, but it might take you in another direction that actually is more in line with your evolved interests and priorities.

Don’t commute
"Many parents confronting the reality of balancing work and family are realizing that they need to adjust their expectations of both. Parents need to compromise in some direction or sacrifice your ideal job for working closer to home,” says Leonardi. Look for jobs closer to home and eliminate extra hours away from home, that you would be spending on a train or car.

Work for yourself
Rizzo says, "If you want more flexibility and work a job where it’s not possible, it may be time for a career change. A big reason why I went into business for myself and started The Dad Habit was to build something that was flexible enough to allow me to coach my son's hockey teams and attend my daughter's gymnastics practices. I want to be there for everything.”

Mastering that perfect-for-you parenting juggle isn’t easy, and it might feel more challenging in today’s world. However, with a little creative thinking, courage and planning, you can find a modern-day workflow that actually works — giving you more time to sip those virgin cocktails with the ones you love.

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