Portal:Music
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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Music portal.
By far the most musical portal you will ever find. |
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To understand music, we must first understand sound. Sound is an ingredient used to make tuna casserole. (It is disputed whether sound is sweet or savory.) Sound is alive. The hills are alive with it. Just ask Julie Andrews.
The word "Music" comes from two parts: Mute and sick, basically meaning if you don't mute it you get sick. Therefore generally speaking music are created to make people sick, either feeling high or dying.
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| If you make a band, you can be as cool as these guys! |
Bored during your holidays? Can't get the girls? Got a lot of money? Are you standing around in an empty garage with a bunch of other people all of whom are looking at you as if wondering what you're going to do next? Well then...
Why don't you start a Band?
Yeah, you won't be very good, but it stops you from being bored, it will waste your money (better than spending it on drugs), and you'll have a 1% increase of getting a girl (but only if you play a tuned instrument.)...
| Archive | Article credit: Braydie | (more...) |
Music in the News
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MIDDLE AMERICA AND/OR CANADA -- Retail monopoly and threat to America, Wal-Mart, has told ultra-lame band Green Day that it will not stock its newest CD, 21st Century Breakdown.
Wal-Mart spokesperson Fred Habbemaster told UnNews today that, "in light of the fact that some of the lyrics are salty, but mostly because Green Day has gone from dreadful to unbelievably lame, we feel it is unconscionable to foist such crap on the American public. I mean, we have a conscience, you know?"
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UnNews Audio (file info) |
| Listen to this story! | |
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope. |
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| Archive | Article credit: Zim ulator | (more...) |
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If John Lennon was the Walrus, then why is this Paulrus part of the Beatles exhibit at the Museum of Natural Science and History?
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| One of Miles' favourite things: Coltrane playing saxophone |
Miles Davis was a jazz musician. He played trumpet. People say he's black, but that's because they're part of the predominantly white establishment who wanted to pigeonhole him into one category. Miles doesn't like categories, and he said himself: "I'm all races at once, baby. That's what fusion was all about, don't you know?" Throughout his long career, Miles also redefined jazz humour, by being the most humourless jazz personality to ever have existed. In effect, Miles taught his proteges that it was fine to ignore the audience while playing, not to announce tunes, and even turn your back to them (to be fair, a lot of audiences turned their backs to Miles when he started playing syrupy pop-jazz in the eighties). You might want to classify Miles' humour as "black comedy"....
| Archive | Article credit: Knucmo2 | (more...) |
Lyric of the Week
“I'm a lesbian who uses his wand in a very special way butt butt butt.”
- ~ Harry Potter, from the musical: Harry Potter and the Inevitable Musical
Featured UnTunes
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| PLAY>MP3 |
So, after I broke up with Jenna, I was thinking, you know, just because we're broken up, that doesn't mean we shouldn't share our deepest feelings with each other, right? Chicks love that emotional shit.
So I wrote her this song about, you know, how much I miss her and how she makes me feel. I bet she'll be calling me any minute asking me to take her back.
Still Hurting
Well I'm still hurting so I'd be happy if you were hurting too.
Is it so much to ask that someone you love
be in constant unrelenting pain?
And I hope you stay up nights thinkin' of me
or maybe just lose your keys
So I'm waiting by the phone for you to call
and tell me, girl, that you misplaced your keys....
| Archive | Musical credit: Hyperbole | (more...) |
Recent Articles in Music
UnReviews:Wall-E_(music_video) NSFW • American Pie • Giant Jew Band • UnTunes:Troops on the Ground • In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida • I Am the Walrus • UnTunes:Confessions of a Telemarketer • UnTunes:Ur So Phat and you don't even like food • HowTo:Write Colin Meloy Lyrics • Industrial Metal • Emo Rap • Phil Ochs • UnBooks:Great Abridged Pop Songs • UnTunes:I Will Possess Your Log