Canadian Broadcasting Corporation

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from CBC)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Logo officiale du la les CBC

“The Beachcombers is good but people just get tired of it when it's on eight hours a day.”

~ Lester B. Pearson on The Beachcombers and CBC

The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation is a Canadian crown corporation that serves as the national public radio and television broadcaster run by people from Toronto. In French, it is called la Société Radio-Castration.

Underfunded for many years, it is currently held together mostly with bits of duct tape left over from tapings of the Red Green Show. The sets are all from "The Beachcombers", a reality show that ran from 1972-1989 and was the "Baywatch" of its era.

Why people watch CBC[edit]

  • Most Canadians watch the CBC because it rarely edits the sex and violence out of foreign programs (the exception being foreign news which was specifically banned in the British North America Act of 1867). Indeed the CBC has been known to edit naughty words into such puerile filth as "Mr. Dressup" and "Front Page Challenge" as well as showing "Les Schtroumpfs" with the original all-nude cast. In addition, the CBC showcases homegrown talent and appeals to 20 year olds with twenty-year-old reruns of "Coronation Street".
Bouncywikilogo.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Canadian Broadcasting Corporation.
  • They also watch the CBC because it's the only thing on; Canadian televisions have only two controls: power and volume. The channel knob was cut due to the scientifically proven impossibility of operating two knobs while wearing mittens (operating one knob while wearing mittens is merely scientifically improbable)...and the power button is literally frozen on ON.
  • too poor to afford basic cable.
  • For fellow Yanks to get a more balanced point of view about life in Canada and as the main liberal channel in North America.

Broadcasting Schedule[edit]

The CBC broadcasts 22 minutes a day during the summer month of Julaugust, falling to zero minutes a day during the winter months of Septober through Februne, when it's just too frickin' cold. Handwritten transcripts are available for a nominal fee of 55 cents (two caribou and one beaver) for one winter day of 0 hours (0 Canadian metric hours), or 3 dollars (one bear and one loon) for one summer day of 24 hours (10 Canadian metric hours).

Programming[edit]

Schedule consists primarily of:

News[edit]

  • The GNational (with Gnowlton Gnash).
  • The Regional (with Peter Boysbridge).
  • The Minute (with George Stromboluffagas).
  • Les Quebecois (avec Mitsou).
  • Hardball (with DimoiTou).
  • Frontiers.. in SCIENCE!.
  • Subway Commercials with that guy who likes Steak.
  • BBC reruns.
  • Heritage Canada Pierre Trudeau Worship minutes.

Cooking Shows[edit]

  • CBC (Cabbage Boiling Canada).
  • The Urban Pheasant.
  • Wok With Yen.
  • The Tommy Hunter (Yee-Haw!) Show.
  • CodCo.
  • Tommy Douglas' Kitchen.
  • Handyman's Corner (Cooking with Red Green).
  • 101 uses for Seal Blubber.
  • Cariboo-a-plenty.

Reality Shows[edit]

  • CBC (Canadianites Behaving Canadianaly).
  • Kids in the Hall.
  • Beachcombers.
    • The Beachcombers.
    • The New Beachcombers in Quebec (en francais).
    • Beachcomberback Mountain.
    • Little Beachcomber on the Prairie.
    • Another Goddam Hour of The Beachfuckingcombers.
  • The Littlest Hobo.
  • The Raccoons.
  • King of Kensington.
  • Little Oil Rig on the Prairie.

Drama[edit]

  • Doctor What (a Brit import, with all instances of "brilliant" dubbed over with "eh", as is required by Canadian law).
  • Depressing Cop Drama.
    • De Vanci's Questioning.
    • De Vanci's Questioning: City Hall.
  • Street Loophole (like L.A. Law, but in Toronto Ontario, and filmed with a camcorder).
  • Body Break with Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod.
  • Two Four (a Canadian 24, but with Donald Sutherland's kid drinking a flat of beer in real time).
  • An Asian in Winnipeg.
  • Blacks in the Maritimes.
  • Whites in Vancouver

Documentaries[edit]

  • Royal Canadian Air Farce (but not for long; they cancelled it due to its Pornocannon episodes).
  • Crazy Canadian Sea Farce.
  • Documentaries about "The Beachcombers".
    • When Bruno Gerussi Attacks!
    • The Naked Adventures of Relic.
    • The Littlest Hobo Versus The Beachcombers.
  • History Documentaries.
    • Canada: A Boring History.
    • Hockey: A Beachcombers History.
    • Rick Mercer: A Newfie History.
    • Documentaries: A Fun Hysterectomy.
    • The Littlest Hobo: When Dogs Attack.
    • Talking to Americans.
    • Talking to Americans Presents: Talking to Albertans.
    • Saskatchewan: The Making of nothing.

Outdoors & Travel Shows[edit]

  • 4 on the Floor.
  • Oot and Aboot.
  • Ski-Doo et Vous.
  • Loutine Poutine.

Fashion Shows[edit]

  • Mr Dressup.
  • Flannel, flannel, flannel!
  • Street Scents (J-Roc from Trailer Park Boys walks down streets throughout Canadian cities smelling Canadians, trying to guess what they smell like).
  • Fashion File.

Children's Programming[edit]

  • Sesame Park.
  • Canudo.
  • Fred Penner's Place (Original title: Creepy Guy w/Guitar).
  • Gill Deacon Show: Featuring that girl who was once on that TV show on the Discovery channel about science, but then she got knocked up and replaced by some British girl with a rectangular head.

Quickly Cancelled Interview/Variety Shows[edit]

  • Ralph Benmergui Show.
  • Rita MacNeil & Friends.

Sports/Entertainment programs[edit]

  • CBC (Curling & Bowling Canada).
  • Hosers on Ice.
  • SCTV (Sexy Canadian Tits and Vaginas).
  • Under the Hockey Stick Tree.
  • Rogers Sportsnet Presents Brian Williams on CBC.
  • Around the Horn and Pardon the Interruption.

"Canadian Content" (ie: mostly unfunny) Comedy Shows[edit]

  • This Metric Hour Has 10 Minutes.
  • Red Green.
    • The Red Green Show.
    • The New Red Green Show.
    • The Red Green is Dead Show.
    • The Zombie Red Green Show.
  • Corner Gascombers (stolen from CTV, but with clips of Bruno Gerussi spliced in place of Brent Butt).
  • Juste Pour Rire.
    • Just for Stupid and Unfunny Jokes.
    • Just for Stupid and Unfunny Jokes and Gags.
  • Rick Mercer presents: Rick Mercer's Monday Report, with Rick Mercer (now on Tuesdays).
    • Canadians Think They are Smarter than You (formerly broadcast as "Talking to Americans").
    • Rick Mercer Presents: The Kyoto Accord.
  • jPod.
  • Sophie, the insignificant, stereotypical girly girl comedy show.

60% American Imports[edit]

All of which are regularly preempted for Hockey Night in Canada.

CBC News[edit]

CBC news features stoic but moderately pretty people giving one side of the truth and passing it off as th