Cake
Cake is the always delicious way out of any dilemma.
A dilemma is defined as a situation in which you have two choices and you find yourself too much of a pussy to take either of them without suffering mental trauma. Philosophers have long ago realized, however, that a third option is always available[1] viz:
Dilemma: To be or not to be?
- Be.
- Not be.
- Cake.
Many experts use this exact same approach to prove that Hamlet was an idiot.
The dilemma of action or inaction
In the run-up to World War II, Winston Churchill was faced with a dilemma:
1. Appease Hitler and POSSIBLY avoid a disastrous war
and
2. Fight Hitler and certainly have a disastrous war, and on top of that maybe not win.
Churchill forgot number three...
3. Cake.
The dilemma of being a romantic or a playboy
1. Go for a single girl and risk having your heart broken
2. Go for many girls and get lots of sex but no emotional fulfillment
3. Cake.
The dilemma of eating healthy vegetables or delicious cake
1. Eat vegetables and become healthier
2. Eat cake and get fat, but enjoy eating
3. Cake.
Special qualities of cake
Cake is a binary quality, that is, something is either cake or it is not cake.
Here is a table to help you decifer binary code in terms of cake:
1 = Cake.
0 = No cake.
2 = No No cake.
When viewed in this way, all but the simplest computer programs become obsolete.
Most other things are not binary qualities, especially not love. This makes cake infinitely preferable to almost anything in the world.
Footnotes
- ↑ This is the first and only example of a time in which philosophers have been useful, as far as real people are concerned.
