Spaghetti

Invisible spaghetti sauce has become the favorite of foodies and hipsters everywhere. It is only served in elite restaurants where wait staff can keep from smiling when bringing the dish to the table.

“I always suck it through my small pursed lip”

~ Oscar Wilde

Spaghetti is a nice Italian food that lazy-ass overweight Americans can eat at their leisure. The most famous spaghetti concoction is Spaghetti O's.

History

Spaghetti has crossed major cultural barriers and entered such unlikely cuisines as that of Japan, where it is referred to as Ramen; and Africa, where they call it mealworms.

At the SJHSM (St Jason Hanson School of Malawi), the spaghetti served at lunch has been shipped from last year with a time machine, thus giving cancer to the students due to the radiation it got during the trip. The lunch ladies then throw the contaminated food into white plastic containers sealed with transparent (not really transparent due to the vapor the food makes which was created in the trip) plastic covers. After this, the packages are put into blue boxes labelled either menu a, b, c, or d. Students have to consult a list to find the correct menu they have paid 4 euros a day for.

Pascetti

Pascetti is a linguistic linguini served as a food staple in Romper Rooms and pre-schools. In the lower elementary grades, it also serves as a throwable.

A man once had a dream that a mechanical rhinoceros was about to eat everyone. All of a sudden, a great man stepped forward and announced, "Wait! I can save everyone." He then turned into a giant filament that entrapped the rhino. His name was Pascetti. (The rhino's name remains unknown.)

Recipe

The following recipe is for a synthetic version of spaghetti. Although it resembles the taste quite well, the best spaghetti in the world is still the natural one.

Feeds 85,000 normal people - or John Goodman

Ingredients

• 1 ball of string approximately the size of the Taj Mahal
• 1,000,000 eggs
• 100 55-gallon barrels of pasta sauce
• 50 lbs of salt
• 1,000,000 chicken nuggets
• Soft cheese
• A $100 note, finely chopped
• Interest on $100 over 11 days

Method

1. Take the eggs and beat well.
2. Now carefully remove all the bits of shell. Set them aside for use in another recipe.
3. Add pound of salt.
4. Soak string in egg for three days in total darkness.
5. Hang string in direct sunlight for one week.
6. Add sauce and DIE! (yes, that is the cost and retribution for putting in the salt which causes DIABETES).

In popular culture

• Princess Peach makes enchanted spaghetti, and Mario doesn't care about taste, just the power of Peach's spaghetti.
• Certain locales are culturally tied to spaghetti; notably, Italy, Little Italy, and your Italian neighbour. The cultural impact of spaghetti is seen in the phrase "Mamma mia!", which has spilled out from Italo-centric cultures into Mario videogames.
• Spaghetti has also been featured in famous movies such as What is Spaghetti?, a YouTube series produced by Jackie Chan.

See also

• Flying Spaghetti Monster
• M'bar Kadyrov
• Pasta Dance