Howard's headphones needed tweaking, so Howard asked Scott Salem to come into the studio and fix the problem. Howard demanded to know what happened to his headphones after yesterday's show, but Scott claimed he had no idea. After continuing to berate Scott for the squealing in his headphones, Howard made him tweak the levels “just a c*nt hair” and kicked him out of the studio.

Howard read a story that claims “The Scott & Todd Show” is the longest running consecutive running morning show in the city. They've been running for 16 years and are celebrating with a “Sweet 16” party, which Howard thought was gay. Howard was confused how he doesn't count, because he had a twentieth anniversary over at K-ROCK. Howard then speculated that David Hinckley, the author of the article, still has it out for him after all these years.

A caller said that during his “Cribs” special on HowardTV, Bubba the Love Sponge claimed that he often sits in a closet and cleans his guns. Howard said he'd never cleaned his guns and added that Bubba once tried to become a professional wrestler, nearly ruining the wrestling industry in the process. Everyone in the studio agreed that Bubba was crazy. Howard said he'd love to see a special JD episode of “Cribs” next. Artie agreed and noted that he loved the tax benefits of buying his new “crib” in Jersey.

Howard played Gary Garver's “Darth Nihilus” interview again and followed it with a phony call Sal made using the same audio to prank a mental hospital. Howard then read Darth Nihilus' “Wookieepedia” entry, and everyone laughed at the convoluted Star Wars “lore.” Artie asked how the convention-goers respond to the idea that most of them are nerds. Howard responded by talking into his hand, imitating a costumed and masked attendee Gary had also interviewed.

Howard brought up the fact that Richard had discussed his alcohol consumption on the Wrap-Up Show yesterday. In a clip from the show, Richard said he drank a 12-pack of beer a day, even though it was “fattening.” Gary asked him if he'd ever stopped drinking, and Richard replied that he once quit drinking for a month when he was 18, but he couldn't remember one fun thing he’d done from that time. Howard then played voicemail messages that a drunken Richard left for Will and JD a year or two ago. Richard came in to clarify that he doesn't drink a 12-pack a day during the week. Robin asked if he ever didn't drink when he was on vacation, and Richard said he turned down mimosas on Sunday in favor of soda.

Eric the Midget called in to ask about a voicemail message he left for Richard over the weekend. Eric claimed he gave Richard tips on how to lose his accent. Howard said he found the message boring, but played part of it anyway. Eric insisted his advice was funny despite whatever Howard thought. Eric added that Playboy.com model, Haydn Porter would fit in with the freaks at Star Wars conventions, but Howard hung up on him before he could elaborate.

An angry Eric called back because Howard had prevented him from “ratting someone out.” Howard said he didn't care about Eric's agenda. Eric said that Haydn told him she was really into Star Wars, and had asked him not to tell Howard because he'd make fun of her. Howard said he didn't care and then pretended to be interested, but Eric didn't get the joke and continued to detail Haydn’s “transgressions.” Artie asked Eric to go climb into his microwave, and Howard mockingly told Gary to clear this week's schedule so they could make fun of Haydn.

A caller claimed Sal would get his wife back without much difficulty. However, Howard thought that when someone’s wife goes so far as to write “143” (code for “I Love You”) to another man, it's a long road. Artie and Robin confessed that they have called Sal privately, and Sal seemed like he's in the center of a storm. Sal came in to say that “today's update is there are no updates,” adding that he's working things out.

Sal claimed he made a “big, big, big” mistake by bringing up his marriage issues on the air without talking with his wife first. Sal confessed that he has a new mantra; whenever he thinks of his wife, he says “respect and love” to himself.

Sal speculated that if women just pleased their husbands sexually, they'd do whatever they wanted. A female caller disputed Sal's claims, saying she does everything she can for her husband, but he still doesn't appreciate her. Robin said that Sal has to be careful not to fall into the “trap” of always having to please his wife and never getting back “equal footing.” Howard commented that Sal was trying to be the “emotional friend” now.

Robin claimed that Sal would give it his all, and his wife would eventually forgive him, but Sal would get bored with putting in the extra effort. Robin said the true test will be the Christmas card; it's yet to be seen if Sal can't mess around during the Christmas family photo. Sal said now he gets home from work, plays with his kids, helps around the house, and then checks his email for messages from the staff. Artie commented that Sal's day sounded like the “worst day ever.”

Pam Anderson came in to promote her new gig as the assistant in Hans Klok's Vegas magic show. Howard remarked that Pam looked great in hotpants and asked what Pam was doing to look so young. Pam said she wasn't doing much and noted that she never should have gotten a facelift. Pam reported that she isn't currently dating anyone so she can focus on being Hans' assistant...and on her kids. Howard mentioned that he once made out with Pam, and asked Hans if he'd gotten farther with her, but Hans said that’s as far he’s gotten as well.

Hans said a newlywed Pam turned down the job at first, so they hired Carmen Electra. Carmen turned out to be too claustrophobic for some of the tricks, so they went back to Pam. The second time they offered her the job, Pam was no longer married to Kid Rock, so she took the job. Howard said Planet Hollywood was paying Pam $3 million for 3 months of work as Hans' “assistant,” as well as giving her use of a private jet and the entire fifth floor of the Planet Hollywood Casino Hotel.

Howard asked Pam how she explained her sex tape to her children. Pam replied that her boys wanted to see “Borat”, so she first sat them down to explain the tape. The boys told her that they already knew about the tape and had no problem with it. Howard asked if they were blessed with Tommy's “endowment,” and Pam replied that they were blessed with “the best parts of both of us.” This confused Artie, so he asked if that meant Pam's sons have great tits.

Howard asked if a man had ever tossed her salad, and Pam said no, noting that her father was in the green room. Howard apologized and asked if she thought Tommy and Kid Rock were competitive with each other. Pam replied that the Tommy and Kid had “a falling out” in Vegas, but she wasn't sure. Howard asked how the kiss between Hans and Pam happened. Hans said it was in the blur after their “very physical” show. Pam said they're very loving with each other, despite some of the bruises on her arms she gets during the act.

Howard asked if Pam was in love with Chuck Zito, and Pam replied that Chuck was just a friend. Howard brought in Barry, Pam's father, and congratulated him for creating a “masterpiece.” Barry said he got in a few bar fights over the years with guys who were talking about Pam and “going too far.” Gary asked at what age the boys started calling for Pam. Barry said boys started coming around she was 14 or 15.

Howard asked Barry if he ever spanked Pam. Barry said he had to spank a few of her boyfriends. Howard told Barry that having a daughter as hot as Pam was “a blessing and a curse.” Howard said that Pam had revealed that she was sexually assaulted when she was in her teens, and asked Pam if she told her father. Pam said she was afraid to because she was ashamed. Barry claimed that if she had told him at the time, he'd still be in jail for killing the s.o.b. who assaulted his daughter.

A woman named Erica called up to claim that Howard has been watching her with hidden cameras for the last seven years. Erica explained that ever since she sent Howard a poem, he has watched her so that he can stay in touch with the common people. Erica said she didn't think Howard was stalking her because he was sexually attracted to her, and noted that she thinks he watches others as well.

Howard told Erica that he was in love with her, and added that watching her for the last seven years has been the time of his life. Erica replied that she'd like to meet Howard, and asked him if he'd ever read the poems she sent him. Howard told Erica that he didn't read poems. Ralph said that Gary got the poems, so he's the one who's probably watching Erica. Howard asked Erica to get some help and wished her luck.

Fran Drescher came in to promote her “Cancer Shmancer movement”, and Howard remarked that he saw her at his gym frequently. Howard asked if Fran understood government, and Fran replied she was a lobbyist and advocate. Fran reported that she had just gotten a bill passed unanimously that demanded support for early cancer diagnosis. Howard asked Fran what the three branches of government were, but Fran blanked.

Howard thought there were a few things in Fran's past that could prevent her from being elected to public office; for instance, her “f’ buddy.” Fran claimed she no longer has the “f’ buddy,” and was now looking for someone who, like Howard, was age appropriate and wealthy. Fran said she last had sex a few weeks ago with a successful showbiz type. Howard remarked that Fran claims she had the best sex of her life with an Argentinean man. Fran acknowledged this was true, because the guy was really into her.

Fran remarked that she might consider a run for Congress, so Howard asked Fran how she thought people would vote for her when she has admitted to smoking pot. Fran replied that if people could vote for the current president, she didn't think pot use would be a problem. Fran reported that she had uterine cancer, and treatment involved the removal of her ovaries and uterus. Howard asked where Fran's eggs are, and Fran said they were at Cedar-Sinai Hospital in case she wanted to have a biological baby later (via a surrogate mother).

A caller said he was skeptical at Fran's potential as a Congresswoman. Fran replied that she was a cancer survivor, victim of violent crime, and had successfully pushed legislation through Congress. The caller was surprised, and promptly changed his tune. Fran also explained the cancer causing effects of HPV (Human Papilloma Virus or genital warts) and advocated the practice of safe sex. Howard thanked Fran and wished her luck with her “movement” and man hunt.

A caller claimed he was having sex his wife in their boat yesterday, when she asked him to pee in her. He did and loved it. Howard doubted that it was possible to pee when you have an erection. Sal came in to say it was possible and confessed that he loves pee fetish videos, and the guys in the videos are always able to pee while they're hard. Sal claimed he loves the videos because he likes watching women who are into degradation, but not necessarily because he loves seeing women being degraded. Sal struggled to say “degradation” correctly, repeating it as he added and subtracted a syllable or two until he got it right.

• Yoko Ono has a new album.

• Richie Sambora recently checked out of a “treatment facility.”

• Bon Jovi has a new record out.

• Claudia Cohen died at the age of 56.

• A “who's who of New Yorkers” came out for Claudia's funeral.

• Kristy Swanson was arrested for assaulting the wife of her Dancing with the Stars partner.

• A new book details the life and final moments of JFK Jr.

• Fewer boys in the US are being circumcised.

• Mayor Bloomberg might start paying the poor.

• Duke University has agreed to a settlement with the lacrosse players who were falsely accused of rape.

• A new video shows a suicide-bomber “graduation.”

• Condoleeza Rice has said the US will continue to support people in the Gaza strip.

• A bear attacked and killed a young boy in Utah.

• Seven people have died from a mishap at a Tennessee car show.

• A pregnant woman has disappeared in Ohio.

• A Navy Chief has been jailed for attempted child rape.

• A Michigan mother has been sent to prison for contracting her daughter out to have sex with her boyfriend.