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Get it? Tennis Channel? Served? Ha! (Sorry, no more jokes like that.)
The Tennis Channel has filed a lawsuit against Comcast, saying that the cable giant discriminates against its programming. Comcast has channels like The Golf Channel and VERSUS on various tiers of their cable system but no Tennis Channel.
They've been called many names before by their customers and clients and this week, they are officially looking for a new one. Not that one, sicko.
Time Warner Cable has officially launched "Project Mercury," a behind-the-scenes marketing project to find the company a new name by the end of 2010. Why now? First, they had to come up with a name for the renaming project.
Maybe we can save TWC some bucks by asking our loyal readers to suggest their own names. And remember, all suggestions are monitored for obscenities.
As of 12:01 on New Year's Day, three million TV subscribers in suburban New York, New Jersey and Connecticut were shocked that Food Network and DIY and HGTV and all the Scripps networks were off Cablevision.
I don't know how the corporate folks feel about this kind of negotiation, but as a TV viewer I think it sucks. I used to live in that market and if I was expecting to watch Food Network, I would expect to see it.
It seems that Time Warner and Fox have reached common ground in their hostage negotiations for Fox's programming and your eyeballs. And no toes had to be severed to achieve it. Merry Christmas.
Of course, none of the games were interrupted or blocked and the world hasn't ended as a result of it. So consider this debate closed for now until the next time Fox dares to ask a cable service for a penny more of the profits. After all, it's not like Time Warner has raised their rates.
No, that's not an altered image of a ransom note clipped from a clever New York Times article or a Photoshopped jpeg cooked up by our art department. Truth be told, those guys ate some mystery Chinese take-out in the office fridge and haven't been heard from since.
They even went so far as to present their customers with a faux ransom note that demands the money or "you'll never see Fox again." Give Time Warner Cable one more day and they'll start mailing their customers severed toes.
One of our eagle-eyed readers pointed us towards "WTF Comcast," a collection of similar weird TV listings that sound like they were written by...well, to be honest, me, except cleverer.
As I ran through my local Best Buy trying to fight my way through the horde of morons like me who waited until the last possible minute to buy presents without having to resort to gasoline gift cards, I came across this strange device: Flo TV.
I call it strange because while a portable TV isn't a new idea, one that gives you deep access to cable and network shows like a TiVo that can fit in your pocket does seem like too much TV for one person.
Don't get me wrong. It's cool that technology has finally allowed such autonomy, so that now even a Sherpa on the top of the Himalayas can catch up on The Hills. But isn't part of the fun of television the anticipation of waiting to see your favorite shows? That rush you get running home from work so you can catch The Colbert Report or Top Gear and bring an official end to a long and hard day.
Is there such a thing as too much access to your favorite shows?
I know that the odds of this statement being repeated are about as good as finding the lost director's cut of The Magnificent Ambersons at my local Blockbuster (let alone an actual cut of The Magnificent Ambersons until it's remade with Ben Stiller and Jack Black), but here goes: I love my cable provider.
Oh, sure, they're a faceless media corporation that forwards all of my tech support calls to some far off land, finds any reason to raise my rates, and is as electrically reliable as a used Pontiac Sunfire. But the guy they hired to write their TV listings amuses me to no end. Check out this recent listing for a rerun of America's favorite old show (with an emphasis on "old"), Matlock, infused with a tasty bit of TV trivia. Who says TV is no longer the great educator?
A long-awaited merger between two cable channels has been finalized...uh, finally.
A&E Networks aquired Lifetime as part of a deal between Hearst, Disney and NBC Universal. The deal makes Lifetime a sub-company in the A&E empire.
The deal puts Disney and Hearst in the front row seats of both networks with NBC in a distant third. This means that NBC can sell its holdings in Lifetime to the other two parties within the next 15 years.
There doesn't seem to be any serious announcement or confirmations of a name or brand change under their new owners. Lifetime will still be called Lifetime.
It seems that all of television is slowly losing its identity. The History Channel doesn't cover history. TV Land clogs their airwaves with run-of-the-mill reality shows. Comedy Central gives Carlos Mencia his own show.
It must be hard to draw in the kind of ratings the average television executive expects (average=viewers who are willing to commit mass suicide if they miss a rerun of Chico and the Man) when you're anchored to one theme or genre. But it's not impossible.
One network that seems very close to giving up entirely is the Cartoon Network. According to the Los Angeles Times, CN's new lineup of live-action, reality-based programming is tanking in the ratings and rumors are swirling that the CN may drop the "C" in its name. Does the head of Radio Shack now work for the Cartoon Network?
Verizon is planning to package FiOS TV and Internet service with its wireless cell phone services. All I can say is, it's about time.
If I may go off on a rant here for a moment, I actually investigated getting FiOS installed in my house. Verizon didn't even have a fiber optic cable anywhere near me that they could run to my building. And I live only a few miles from Manhattan.
Despite that, by offering a set fee for both FiOS and cell phone service, Verizon is providing something that cable competitors can't duplicate. It's a smart move on the part of the company. Since I already have Verizon Wireless, I can only wish that they got off their lazy asses and laid some more fiber optic around my neighborhood.
In the meanwhile, I'm stuck with my sadly deficient cable company (satellite isn't an option due to the nature of my condominium). For those who have FiOS, how is it? Would you be excited about packaging that with your cell phone service?
You've seen the commercial below. It's a Comcast ad that takes on Verizon FIOS by saying that FIOS costs more, doesn't have as much HD as Comcast, and is filled with too many lame videos.
Last night I watched the commercial again (for the 4000th time) and I noticed that they've changed the ending. The FIOS guy used to say "I'm going to write down your credit card number which I memorized when I was looking..." I always thought that was an odd line, pretty much insinuating that a Verizon rep would take someone's credit card number like that. But they've now taken that line out and replaced it with something else (though the new line escapes me at the moment - anyone?). I wonder if Verizon complained?
Earlier this year, when we were going to switch to digital television in February, my sister sent me an e-mail and asked me if I was ready for the switch, and I thought to myself, I think I've been ready for several years. So I'm not quite sure why people are still having a problem switching from analog to digital (I'm especially confused when people say that older citizens use TV as their "lifeline" to the outside world - if you're using words like that, you really should switch or your family should switch for you).
Nielsen is reporting that 2.5 million homes still haven't switched to a digital TV or bought a converter box, even though that original switch date was extended to last Friday. I'm wondering why these people haven't switched yet. I'm not talking about people who have a TV but really don't watch it because they read books (as if you can't do both, but that's another rant). I'm talking about people who watch TV a lot and haven't made the switch yet.
Have you been clamoring for an all 3-D television network? Have you been hoping and praying that the god of your choice would listen to your prayers and deliver unto you a fully three dimensional network? Have you been unable to sleep for months on end as your very sanity teeters on the precipice of your grasp on reality?
Me neither.
Nevertheless, a publicly traded company hopes to turn a humble syndicated network into the world's first fully three-dimensional channel.
Get it? Tennis Channel? Served? Ha! (Sorry, no more jokes like that.)
They've been called many names before by their customers and clients and this week, they are officially looking for a new one. Not that one, sicko. 
Repeat after me, "I want my Food Network, I want my HGTV!" That's what the disgruntled Cablevision subscribers might be shouting soon if Scripps Networks and Cablevision don't reach a deal on fees. 
It seems that Time Warner and Fox have reached common ground in their hostage negotiations for Fox's programming and your eyeballs. And no toes had to be severed to achieve it. Merry Christmas. 
As I ran through my local Best Buy trying to fight my way through the horde of morons like me who waited until the last possible minute to buy presents without having to resort to gasoline gift cards, I came across this strange device: Flo TV.
A long-awaited merger between two cable channels has been finalized...uh, finally. 
It seems that all of television is slowly losing its identity. The History Channel doesn't cover history. TV Land clogs their airwaves with run-of-the-mill reality shows. Comedy Central gives Carlos Mencia his own show. 
Verizon is planning to package FiOS TV and Internet service with its wireless cell phone services. All I can say is, it's about time.
Earlier this year, when we were going to switch to digital television in February, my sister sent me an e-mail and asked me if I was ready for the switch, and I thought to myself, I think I've been ready for several years. So I'm not quite sure why people are still having a problem switching from analog to digital (I'm especially confused when people say that older citizens use TV as their "lifeline" to the outside world - if you're using words like that, you really should switch or your family should switch for you). 
Have you been clamoring for an all 3-D television network? Have you been hoping and praying that the god of your choice would listen to your prayers and deliver unto you a fully three dimensional network? Have you been unable to sleep for months on end as your very sanity teeters on the precipice of your grasp on reality? 
What Shows are On the Bubble?
'The Late Shift 2': Who Should Play Whom?
Nick Offerman on Being Ron "F@%&in'" Swanson
