Having a casual conversation can be the most stressful part of some people's day. Sheree Somers knows what this feels like and she has some advice for us all to make things better.
The world is an incredibly overwhelming and confusing place for me. Even though I always feel like I am trying my hardest to cope, I still struggle.
I didn't find out that I was autistic until after high school. When I was finally diagnosed, everything about my life finally made sense.
I feel like many of my challenges aren't because there is something wrong with me, but because the world was not built for autistic people.
When I look back at my life, one of the things that has helped me most is when other people respect, understand and adapt to my differences.
As about 1 in 100 Australians is autistic, there is a chance that you will meet someone who is, even if you don't know someone right now.
I have seen lots of campaigns telling other people what autism is, but I have found very little information about what the general public can do to help make the world a friendlier place for autistic people.
I can't speak for all autistic people, but I can share my own ideas for what would be useful for me and hope that they resonate with others.
How to try and avoid sensory overload
Many autistic people have sensory differences and trouble processing sensory information. What might be normal for one person might be painful for an autistic person.
Some people might be oversensitive to certain things, others might be under sensitive. For example, I find sound incredibly overwhelming and spicy food painful.
Many autistic people have trouble filtering out background information, such as a ticking clock, when someone is talking.
Having to take in so much information at once is incredibly exhausting and overwhelming. Just a few hours in a loud cafe means that I need to nap for a few hours.
Some things you can do to help autistic people include:
- Turning down music or lights if you have been asked to, without criticising people for asking.
- Allow people to wear headphones and sunglasses in contexts that might be considered rude, such as inside a shop or when talking to someone.
- Don't force people to do things they say no to, such as eating something extremely spicy or touching a texture they find overwhelming.
- When planning an event, make sure there is somewhere quiet with low lighting, so people have somewhere to go if they become overwhelmed.
- Use cleaning products and hand sanitiser with as little scent as possible.
- Ask for permission before giving people physical contact such as shaking hands or hugging, and respect if people don't want physical contact.
Tips for clear and easy communication
Autistic people may communicate differently. Some people have monotone voices, some people might only be able to speak in movie quotes or scripted sentences and some people may not be able to speak at all.
The way autistic people communicate isn't wrong, it's just different from other people.
For me, it feels like I am putting on a performance every time I talk with someone; I have the lines and actions all memorised but I don't know how to go off script or improvise.
It takes a lot of my energy to remember social skills, like eye contact, as they don't come naturally to me, and there are still some things I have no idea how to do.
Some ways you can help autistic people include:
- Don't force people to give you eye contact.
- Allow people to fiddle or move around while they talk to you.
- Ask people about how they communicate best, such as asking if phone, face to face, text or video call would be best.
- Make sure instructions that you give people are clear and precise.
- Allow people time to process what you have said. Even just giving people a minute to think if you ask them a question is useful.
- Be patient with people if they use a different method to communicate such as writing or a communication device.
- Explain metaphors or jokes if you think someone hasn't understood.
- Warn people of changes to plans as soon as possible, so they have time to process.
- Explain rules and expectations that may be unspoken or not obvious if you think someone hasn't understood.
- Be respectful of the different ways people speak, such as being blunt or having a monotone voice.
You never know what someone might be struggling with unless you ask
If you are curious about autism, there are plenty of ways to learn more.
Autistic people are unique; there is so much more to us than the stereotype of a young, white boy who is a genius.
You can't guess someone's abilities just by looking at them. I may be able to verbally speak but I still struggle with some really basic things like remembering to drink water.
- Learn from autistic people — there are plenty of blogs and social media accounts run by autistic people, sharing their experiences and world views.
- Don't assume someone's abilities just by how they look or speak to you. If you are curious or confused, ask the person.
- Try to ask everyone you deal with what their access requirements are. You never know what someone might be struggling with.
You don't have to be an expert to help autistic people feel more comfortable around you. In fact, I find that people with less expertise but who are more willing to listen and learn help me best.
You don't immediately have to start doing all these things, but even a few small things helps. Many of these suggestions aren't just helpful for autistic people, they are also useful for the general public.
You might not fix all of someone's problems, but you might make an autistic person's day a tiny bit easier.
Listen to what other people have to say and respect their needs.
A little bit of respect goes a long way in making the world a more comfortable place for autistic people.
Sheree Somers is 22 and lives in Adelaide. When she isn't studying science at university, she is busy crafting and writing.
ABC is partnering with International Day of People with Disability to celebrate the 4.4 million Australians with disability.