What was your first experience with gambling?

Growing up in the middle of nowhere, my friends and I used to enjoy going to the bingo with the lovely older ladies of Bellingham and occasionally I’d been to a casino as a student (mainly for the free drinks!) Overall though, I didn’t have much experience with gambling before I met my partner. 

What kinds of gambling did your partner do?

I always knew he liked a fruit machine in the pub, but I had no idea how far it went. Looking back, there were signs at the time, but I ignored them. We were so happy and talking about money just caused tension: things were easier if I just didn’t bring it up. He was on a very good wage at the time, and I was trying to make it in acting so didn’t have a lot of money. However, I realised that often I was the one financially supporting us, which got more noticeable once we had our first baby.

When did you realise that your partner’s gambling had become a problem?

Everything came to a head one night in 2018. My partner was out, and his mum came over to visit. She asked me if I needed her to lend us any more money, which I knew nothing about. I also discovered that our car, which I’d been told was on finance, had been bought for him by his parents. That night, my partner had left his phone at home before heading out. I now wonder if this was a cry for help. His mum and I looked through his online banking and were shocked at the number of gambling transactions. We immediately contacted him, and he came home where we had an intervention.

Where did you go for support?

Shortly after, my partner started going to Gamblers Anonymous while I went to a support group for affected others. As time went on, he was finding GA more and more helpful and would come home feeling very positive. I, however, was starting to feel angrier and angrier when I realised how much money he had lost: money that should’ve been for our family. We talked more about his gambling, and he opened up to loved ones. I talked to my close friend Rosa – we’ve worked together on previous theatre projects – and we discussed the idea of a show about gambling harms. My partner helped as a consultant as the idea became a full theatre show, Gamble, and that was hugely cathartic for us both. It brought us closer and began to heal the wounds.

As the world went into lockdown in 2020, I found out my partner had relapsed. The pain it caused him was palpable but in a strange contrast, I could see the relief in his face that I now knew. We later found out about GAMSTOP and my partner registered. I also registered to ensure that my details can’t be used by him to gamble online, which gives me a sense of security. It made such a difference that registering with GAMSTOP also stops my partner from getting marketing emails: the constant offers and promotions can make recovery so much more challenging.

What would you say to someone who is struggling with their own or a partner’s gambling?

My main aim with Gamble is to raise awareness and reduce the stigma around gambling addiction. I get lots of affected others who speak to me after my show and come to me for advice. I don’t want people to feel how I felt when I found out about my partner, but it was also important to me that my partner didn’t come across badly or as a villain in this story; he has an addiction and that doesn’t make him a bad person.