She’s nine films old. And her Best Actress trophy for DDLJ has affirmed the all-round opinion that she’s one hell of a feisty actress. We meet a couple of days after the ceremony. Her living room is festooned with basket of roses and congratulations are still pouring in… a gang of teenaged girls show up at the door, screaming delightedly on catching sight of their fave heroine. Kajol wonders this kind of adulation, “Incredible… it’s almost as if they’d seen a ghost.
The family pets-black-and-white Lhasa Apsos Maxi-million and Magic-woof distractedly, adding to the afternoon bustle. For starters we chat about her halcyon school-days in Panchgani’s St. Joseph’s convent where Sisters Elizabeth Ann and Joan disciplined her. She admits that she was an average student whose scaring subject happened to be English literature. Eventually she enrolled in Sophia college but gave up on studies to join the movies at the age of 16.
Five years later, Kajol shines on in the constellation once occupied by her grandmom Shobhana Samarth, mum Tanuja and aunt Nutan.
getting down to business, we veer the conversation towards her big night of triumph…
This is the second time you were nominated for Filmfare Awards. Were you disappointed when you lost out last year for Yeh Dillagi?
Yes, I must admit that I was disappointed. When you don’t win I think disappointment is a normal reaction.
Isn’t being a part of the game as important as winning?
I don’t know, I really don’t. Because it feels great when you actually make it to the winning post. For 24 hours… maybe for 48 hours I was on a tremendous high. Once I came down to earth, I wondered what after this?
A while ago, didn’t you state somewhere that awards are not important to you?
What I meant was that I cannot expect to won an award for every film of mine. My work should mean more… after all an award is given to me for my performance, for my professional capabilities. Awards are important when they happen. If they don’t… well… you carry on with your work regardless. You are the same person you were before winning the trophy.
I like what I’m doing, I enjoy my work thoroughly. An award means an acceptance and appreciation of your work… and that’s what makes a trophy valuable.
So what does the Filmfare trophy mean to you?
It’s my first film award, it is film-industry based. For me it is a starting point. Now there’s this feeling, within me, that I’ve been admitted into an inner circle. Come to think of it, I can’t truly express my feelings in words. I can’t define it. It was an experience. Hey, am I sounding as if I am advertising your awards as if it was a brand of tea, coffee or something?
You were shooting in Ooty for Hamesha on the morning of the awards function day. What if you had missed out on your big moment?
I would have felt really bad; I would have regretted not being at the function. I told the unit that it was important for me to be there. I said I would come back the next day. I was eager, I was hopeful. I’m at the function every year, I enjoy myself, it’s fun to be there. This time my friends were in the nominations for the other categories. I wanted to scream, cheer, root for them. I wanted to win too, but I was scared to pitch my expectations sky-high and see them crashing down to earth again.
Were you scared of intense competition from Madhuri Dixit?
No, my fears had nothing to do with anyone else. It was just me, my feelings. If it happened to me, it would happen to me and that’s it. I doubt whether any of the actresses who were nominated thought of what was happening to the others. It’s a self centered attitude I guess.
Madhuri Dixit is my senior, I felt privileged to be in the same category. To even say that I’m in the same league would be an arrogant statement really. I felt that the biggest compliment paid to me was that I was competing in the same category as her.
What if she had won?
I would have congratulated her. I would have said that the better person won.
And what if you had won for Yeh Dillagi last year?
Oi? I can’t answer that question because it’s totally hypothetical. This year’s award for me was like the icing on the cake, the cherry on the top. Adi (Aditya Chopra) and the film bagged so many awards. It felt good to be appreciated along with the others of the team.
How close did you feel to Simran, the character played by you in DDLJ?
I didn’t feel close to Simran at all. Whatever I did stemmed from my imagination and from what I know about some of my friends who are like her. My acting was pre-thought-out reaction. I must have met 120 girls like Simran, girls who have fallen in love… but they have not always seen a happy ending like the character did in the film.
I think DDLJ also made thousands of parents think about what happens to their children when they try to force them into marriage with someone they don’t know… let alone love.
Do you feel your role in the second half could have been stronger?
No, I think the film was absolutely correct. My character had to suit the flow of the story… it was right and it worked. And how!
There could have been some more dramatic scenes for you
But it wasn’t a hyper dramatic film. There wasn’t any villain on the scene, there were none of those sob-sob sorrowful songs. The film was about normal people, it showed that there are certain reasons for what motivates all of us. There was no right or wrong… there were only circumstances.
Which would you say was the most difficult shot for you as an actress?
The shot where I have to describe my dream guy with passages of poetry. I pick up a duppata and say, “Saaya sa lehrata hai.” It was supposed to look sensuous… but the dupatta just wouldn’t fall properly. I just couldn’t get the ada right. Adi was so disgusted with me. Even now the shot lacks something.
Would you agree that Simran’s conversations with her mother (Farida Jalal) and father (Amrish Puri) were the backbone of her characterization.
Those scenes described what Simran actually is. Her values and her outlook on life. Simran is a well-brought-up girl. He’s not an extremist, she believes in Indian values. That point becomes even more important because she’s been brought up abroad. Simran is more Indian than Indians themselves. Kids brought up in India don’t actually sit down and think about what’s in store for them like she did. Quite often, they lose contact with their own country’s traditions.
I will never forget that scene where Simran tells Faridaji that she’s ready to get married. And there was that scene where I break down. I don’t get hysterical or anything… I just seem to give up, it was almost as if I don’t care what happens to me anymore. I just give up like many girls do in real life when they don’t have an option.
I also love that scene on the bridge where Shah Rukh Khan says ‘I love you’. that was so well done. I wouldn’t mind watching it again and again.
While DDLJ was being made did you realize it’s going to be special?
I didn’t think about that at all, I was far too busy having fun. DDLJ was like a great big party. Adi, Karan Johar (assistant director), my mom, my sister… all of us had a whale of a time. I felt I was on a picnic. I didn’t know whether the film was working or not, I couldn’t tell… I guess I couldn’t tell the wood from the trees.
In fact, I wouldn’t take any credit for my performance. Adi’s one of the best, he’s a director to the core. He goads an actor into interpreting a scene.
What has been your experience with directors in general?
I’ve seen that when most directors sign you on, they expect you to do a lot of things on your own. They take your experience for granted, they expect a lot from you. At times, they want you to do their work. That may sound weird but it’s true. That becomes obvious when you feel you can do more and the director says, “No that take was fine, it was okay.”
How many takes do you usually take?
Ha! There’s no such thing. At times, I can be good in my first take itself and at times it can be third or fourth. Acting can be a chancy thing, it’s like rolling a dice. You never know you could score a six any time.
There was a scene in DDLJ for which Shah Rukh and me went on for two entire magazines. It was that zipper scene, I would pull down the zipper and both of us cracked up, we just couldn’t stop laughing.
As a director Adi is a lamb or a dictator?
If anyone thinks Adi is a lamb, he’s sadly mistaken. (laughs full throatedly). He’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Jokes apart, he’s the most balanced guy I know. He considers your suggestions and if it helps his scene or character, only then he agrees to it. He was a very patient man on the set. He never once screamed or shouted at us. Ha! You know what? I would call that a ‘passive aggressive’ approach.
What if you were stranded with him on a desert island?
By the end of the first day, I’d kill him. I’d kill him… what fun! He’s too much of a gentleman to kill me.
Can you imagine anyone else in the roles portrayed by Shah Rukh Khan and you in DDLJ?
No, after we’ve played the roles. I’m extremely possessive about the film. It’s mine, it’s ours. I was so emotionally involved. That’s why it means so much that I got the award for this film.
Can you better this performance?
I’m trying to every day. but it’s a tough act to follow. I have to just find out whether this is the peak of my career or what! (laughs) maybe I should retire. Or I should try to better if not equal the performance.
Were you conscious of the fact that you were being photographed in a special way, the way Yash Chopra heroine usually is?
Of course, I was. At times, Adi did get overparanoid about the costumes. There was a discussion for four hours on which shade of pink I should wear and I finally it was decided I should wear green. See, I put my full faith in manji (cinematographer Manmohan Singh) and didn’t bother about anything else. I knew I was in brilliant hands.
Why aren’t you in the next Yash Chopra film which was offered to you?
See, I think all of us are professionals. I felt I wasn’t right for the role and that was it. There’s nothing about not wanting to do a film. I don’t mix business with pleasure.
Are you sure?
Ha, ha, Ha… there are exceptions to every rule.