Woke-ing up: how the UK and Australia are grappling with the new cultural alarm clock

Ah, the good old days! A time when the word "woke" was just the past tense of "wake," and "political correctness" was something your aunt said before you accidentally called her by the wrong name at Christmas dinner. But now, welcome to 2024, where "woke" is the latest cultural buzzword that some say is trying to ruin everything we hold dear: our love of bland jokes, questionable statues, and a steadfast refusal to learn new things. In the United Kingdom and Australia, the so-called "woke-ing class" has arrived, and boy, are they shaking things up!

The "woke" awakening

Originally meaning "alert to injustice," the term "woke" has been co-opted, twisted, and turned inside out like a forgotten pair of socks. Nowadays, in the UK and Australia, it's a catch-all for anything that smacks of progress, awareness, or, heaven forbid, change. For some, "woke" is the new cultural alarm clock, ringing loudly and inconveniently at 6 am when all you want to do is sleep through the next decade.

But let's be honest: the "woke-ing class" is here to ruin everything fun. They question statues, rewrite history, and even want us to treat people equally. What happened to the good old days when ignorance was bliss and everything wrong was someone else's problem?

The UK's historic love affair with tradition

In the UK, the "woke" debate is tangled up with Brexit, a word that still makes people squirm like they've just seen a ghost - perhaps the ghost of economic stability. As if that wasn't enough, people have started questioning the merits of honoring colonial figures. This has led to the shocking revelation that maybe, just maybe, glorifying a man responsible for exploiting half the world is a bad look. Who knew?

The "Rhodes Must Fall" campaign at Oxford University is a prime example. It turns out not everyone wants to celebrate a man whose views on race were about as enlightened as a potato. But what's next? Changing the name of the British Museum to the "Museum of Stuff We Probably Shouldn't Have Taken"?

Meanwhile, the iconic Workers' Club has caught the woke bug and rebranded itself as the "Woke Persons Club," ensuring everyone feels equally unwelcome in its stuffy lounge. They've even added tofu to the menu-because nothing says "working class" like a nice vegan quinoa salad.

Politicians are cashing in on anti-woke sentiment like it's a buy-one-get-one-free sale on outrage. Some are championing free speech by ensuring that anyone can say whatever they want, as long as it's not too progressive or factual.

Australia's struggle with the past

Down under, the "woke-ing class" has turned its sights on Australia's past. Recently, there was a referendum on the Indigenous Voice to Parliament. For those keeping score, that was about whether to let Indigenous Australians have more say in the policies that affect them - a truly radical notion that shocked everyone who thought they were just here for the BBQ.

Sadly, the referendum didn't pass, suggesting that some Australians are still deciding if they want to hit the snooze button on reconciliation. It's hard work acknowledging the original owners of the land, especially when there are so many more important things to worry about, like the cricket score.