A study by the University of Glasgow has discovered that dogs “prefer soft rock and reggae” over other genres of music, conclusively proving man’s best friend has the taste of an embarrassing uncle hectoring the DJ at a wedding.
At a rehoming centre in the Scottish town of Dumbarton researchers played dogs a variety of music, during which heart rate monitoring and behavioural observation showed that stress levels dropped while listening to the unlikely genre bedfellows. There are unconfirmed reports that the dogs absolutely lost their minds when researchers cranked a mashup of Beenie Man vs Steely Dan. According to a schnauzer who was at the event: “It shouldn’t have worked, but it just did.”
Despite evidence that dogs don’t just like reggae but in fact love it, the mutts also responded well to Motown, classical and pop tracks. For Professor Neil Evans, the mixed response suggests that “like humans, our canine friends have their own individual music preferences”. His conclusion will make sense to anyone who has ever met a dog: it’s hard to imagine a St Bernard listening to anything other than Bing Crosby, or a bug-eyed chihuahua who wasn’t constantly experiencing paranoid flashbacks to a soundtrack of hard German techno.
Following the findings, the Scottish Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals has equipped its kennels with sound systems, and compiling canine-appropriate playlists. It’s safe to assume Lee “Scratch” Perry and Joe Cocker are lead candidates, but which other dog-friendly artists and songs deserve a place in the pack? Here’s 10 for your starter; feel free to add your own.
1 Doggy Dog World, by Snoop Dogg ft Tha Dogg Pound
From the Doggystyle album. This is surely the most heavily dog-referencing artist, supporting artist, song and album set in history. The platinum plaque for canine representin’ goes, without a doubt, straight to Snoop. (No relation to Charlie Brown’s pet beagle from Peanuts.)
2 Martha My Dear, by the Beatles
Probably the most charming love song to an old English sheepdog released in 1968. Certainly the best of McCartney’s work in overrated beat combo the Beagles.
3 Leader of the Pack, by the Shangri-Las
The sound of puppy love. Remember when you were young? Thrilled by the world? Evolutionarily programmed to fall for the leader of the pack, to secure optimum reproductive potential? Every dog’s fantasy.
4 Hound Dog, by Elvis Presley
“You ain’t nothing but a hound dog, crying all the time.” Hugely controversial choice, certainly among the hound community. Hounds are the original gun dogs, a hard-working, emotionally resilient and diverse sporting group. They also have a very strong union, so you won’t catch me saying anything bad about them.
5 Bitch, by Meredith Brooks
A 90s ode to mothers of puppies and female empowerment. Brooks wrote the song after she saw a dachshund-doberman cross, and realised anything is possible.
6 Can Your Monkey Do the Dog, by Rufus Thomas
Can my who do the what-now? How did this get on here? It’s a pretty weird suggestion. I’m sure there’s some corner of the internet that will cater to such a twisted scenario, but this isn’t it.
7 Chasing Cars, by Snow Patrol
Self-explanatory. I would have accepted Chasing Pavements by Adele, except it makes zero sense.
8 Rene and Georgette Magritte with Their Dog After the War, by Paul Simon
Arguably too conceptually dense for most dogs. Look at the number of prepositions in the title alone. Rene and Georgette Magritte, with their dog, after the war. Why didn’t he call it Wonderwall? Still, a literate breed – a King Charles spaniel, or an Irish setter – might get some enjoyment out of this.
9 Who Let the Dogs Out? by the Baha Men
Because whoever did is a bloody hero. This one goes out to all the dogs who currently need the toilet. Hoo! Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo!
10 I Love My Dog, by Cat Stevens
“I love my dog more than I love you?” Yeah right – give it up, Yusuf Islam. A cat by any other name still ain’t getting on this list. Take a walk.