Chapter Text
Nick jumps up from the floor, panicked, “Oh my god.”
“Nick, it’s fine it’s just—”
“I know who it is, Isaac, I just need to— Tell him I'm not feeling well or something. Tara, my keys are by the door, you can drive him.” Nick bolts to his room, once again feeling clammy. His hands shake as he pulls on the collar of his jumper, suddenly feeling constricted. He can hear Isaac and Charlie talking softly over the sound of his heart pounding in his chest and it only makes things worse.
Charlie can’t see him like this.
Charlie can’t know how he feels.
Charlie deserves someone better.
His mind races and the thoughts are only about Charlie. Charlie, who took him in as his best friend as a child. Charlie, who was there for him when his Dad left, leaving him, David and Sarah all alone. Charlie, who held him when he came back from the psychiatrist with tears in his eyes promising him that there is nothing wrong with him, he’s just extra special.
Charlie, who he hurt deeply. Charlie, who couldn’t look at him for five years because he fucked up. Charlie who came back into his life with open arms and forgiveness. Charlie, with a smile that can light up any room. Charlie, with the most angelic laugh and beautiful blue eyes,and the softest looking curls that Nick can’t help but want to touch. Charlie.
Breathing suddenly gets harder and he drops to his knees, pulling at the fabric of his hoodie desperate to take it off. His vision darkens and blurs as the walls close in around him. Suddenly he’s gasping for air, it’s like he’s having a heart attack.
“Nick?” Someone calls out, but he’s too deep in to figure out who it is.
His head snaps to the door.
Charlie.
He lets out a choked sob as Charlie meets him on the floor and immediately takes his face in their hands. He can’t feel it. “Oh, Nick.” Their voice is soft and grounded. “Look at me, okay? You’re having a panic attack. Let's breathe, yeah? In for four, out for six, do it with me.”
Nick nods desperately and follows Charlie's breathing patterns until his breathing evens out a little.
Nick pulls at his jumper again, “Can’t… Need to get it off—”
Charlie nods in understanding and grabs the hem, pulling it over his body. More air finally comes back into his body and he gasps, the tears that were pricking his eyes finally spilling out.
Charlie wraps his arms around him and pulls him into their chest. Nick falls into their body, clinging to them like he needs them to survive. Charlie rubs his back as he sobs into their shirt, definitely staining it with his tears.
“I've got you, Nick. I'm right here.”
Nick blinks his eyes open once the tears are gone and looks up. He's met with Charlie's sapphire eyes, and they’re so full of understanding and worry. “There's my adorable rugby idiot.” He smiles.
Nick flushes at the compliment and shakes his head. “Charlie, I’m—”
“Hey. No sorries. Come on, let’s get you into bed, yeah?”
Nick nods and lets Charlie pull him off the floor. He gets into his bed and pulls the blanket up to his chin.
“I'm going to get you some water, okay? I'll be right back. I promise.” Before Nick can respond, Charlie's already walked out of the room.
Nick presses his palms into his eyes and shakes his head.
He's so embarrassed.
He snaps out of his thoughts when Charlie walks back in with a glass of water. “Sit up and drink. You’re probably dehydrated.”
How does Charlie know?
Charlie always knows.
Nick does as he’s told and downs the entire glass without taking a break for air. He places the glass on the bedside table and Charlie sits next to him, grazing his fingers up and down Nick's arm. “Does that happen a lot?”
“Oh, um, it used to happen a lot in my first year of uni, but it hasn’t happened in a while.” Nick responds, his voice still slightly hoarse.
“Hmm,” Charlie hums, “I used to get them a lot too. Towards the end of sixth form.”
Nick's heart breaks. none of them would’ve happened if he’d had just been there. “Charlie, I’m really—”
“What did I say? No sorries. None of it was your fault. Anyway, I just did what normally works for me, so I hope it helped.”
“It did. Thank you, Char.”
Charlie smiles that beautiful smile and squeezes his arm. “Don’t mention it. Do you want to talk about it? I have some time.”
Nick can’t talk about it. Not yet. Not until he figures it out completely. “No thanks. Maybe later?”
“Only when you’re ready. Don’t rush yourself. But I do think you should stay home today. Tara said she can drive me in.”
“Okay.” Nick whispers.
“Okay. I’ll text you later?”
Nick nods and shuffles back under the covers. “Charlie?” He calls, just before Charlie makes it out of the room.
“Yeah?”
Nick hesitates for a moment. He needs to at least try, right? Even if he doesn’t get the response he’s looking for. “I love you.” He says, putting everything he can into the three words despite the exhaustion that’s hit him.
Charlie beams, “Aw, I love you too!” He responds, light heartedly. They skip out the room, flashing one last radiant smile at Nick.
No. That’s not the way I meant it.
Nick tries to fall asleep to catch up on the hours he missed last night after Charlie leaves but he only manages an hour. He wakes up with a notification banner from Charlie on his lockscreen.
Char 💙🖕
11:23: how you feeling?
Nick can't bring himself to answer. He knows Charlie is understanding and would never judge him but he can't help but feel embarrassed at his breakdown, his panic attack, in front of Charlie. Because of Charlie.
He puts his phone on do not disturb and pulls the sheets over his head.
Nick stays like this for the next two days, exhausted from barely sleeping, curled up under the sheets in self isolation unless Isaac, Tara, or Darcy come in to either give him some food, remind him to hydrate or to let him know that Charlie is getting worried and he should probably reach out to them. He refuses to do the latter.
Nick spends the two days with his mind whirring non-stop. He found his thoughts rotating around several key points and just running the questions over and over without coming up with satisfactory answers.
How can I talk to Charlie when I’ve fallen in love with him despite my sexuality? It’ll end up with him getting hurt. Again. Am I hurting him anyway by not talking to him? What if I’m wrong? What if I tell him that I love him and all the same crap emptiness comes back like it did with those other people I tried and spectacularly failed to make a connection with before I knew I was ace? Won’t that just hurt both of us and make it impossible for us to be friends? The thing is, I don’t see how we can be friends if I feel like this. I can’t handle it. It doesn’t make any sense. Finding that label has been the only thing that’s made me make any sense and now it all feels like it’s in question all over again. Can I be demi, like Isaac suggested? Is there just a Charlie shaped space in my romantic capacity and it was just supposed to be him all the time? There have been so many times in the past few months where I’ve caught him looking at me, making little flirty comments to see my reaction and goodness knows I’ve had to work at hiding them. If I am demiromantic, that’s all very well, but even if that’s true what do I do about the sexual part of my sexuality? Charlie must want a partner, deserves to have a partner who wants to treat his body the way it should be treated, he’s beautiful! What if I can’t, I wouldn’t know what to do if I confessed how much I love him and then it all fell apart because I can’t have sex. Then I’d lose him for sure. But that night, when I was standing in his arms with him wrapped in a fully Koala mode around me while I made his tea, I felt more than I’ve felt for anyone since I ran away from Charlie five years ago. Oh god, that’s what I did, isn’t it? I had feelings for him and I shut him out, cut him out of my life. Am I doing that to him again? I can’t do that to him again. I love him. I love him, as so much more than a friend and I guess that blows up my labels and I have to come up with new ones but I want to find one that allows him to fit under it because he’s worth reinventing my labels for.
He wakes up from yet another restless nap and grabs his phone to check the time, only to see more texts from Charlie.
Char 💙🖕
15:31: i’m assuming you’re asleep so i’m not going to bother you
15:31: but just let me know if you’re okay later
Char 💙🖕
16:59: tao just said the MOST out of pocket thing ever
16:59: the man is obsessed with the 80’s and 90’s but thinks Angels in America is BAD
17:00: can u fucking believe that?
Char 💙🖕
21:00: right okay so it’s been a day and i’m trying to be calm but isaac tells me you refuse to get out of bed and i’m worried
21:02: tara told me to give you some time and sometimes you tend to isolate yourself when things get too overwhelming
21:03: and i get that but like i would just really like to hear from you specifically that you’re alive and well
21:20: darcy said to just “come up there and knock the shit out of you”
21:21: but because i am your friend and a normal human being i’m not going to do that
Char 💙🖕
07:12: okay it’s literally the next morning
07:13: look idk what i did wrong or even if i did anything wrong
07:14: but i would really like to know so i don’t lose my mind
Char 💙🖕
12:00: what the fuck nick?
12:05: you’re doing that thing again where you don’t talk to me
12:10: and i hate to sound like a prick but i am getting slightly pissed off since you promised you weren’t going to do it anymore
Char 💙🖕
17:00: ok, fuck it i’m coming down there
Well, shit.
There’s a knock on his door and he peeks over the blanket covering his face as the door opens a crack. It’s Tara.
“Nick…” She steps in, gingerly sitting on the edge of his bed. “I don’t know how happy you’ll be to hear this, but Aled just sent me a text saying that Charlie’s on their way down and he should be arriving–” There’s a sharp knock echoing from the front door to his room cutting Tara off, “now.”
—
Charlie is positively fuming. Nick was seemingly fine after what had happened that morning, but now Nick isn't communicating with him. Again.
They spent years getting over the emotional rollercoaster Nick sent him through back then only to get thrown back on.
Charlie isn’t going to lie. These last few months reconnecting with Nick and their friends have been absolutely amazing. And maybe they’ve had some butterflies when Nick would compliment them or look at them a certain way, but Tao said that he should push the feelings down and just continue on how they were.
And as Nick grew more comfortable and less shy around Charlie, they noticed how he’d flush at a compliment or how much he loves to cuddle or keep any form of physical contact. Charlie loves watching Nick’s reactions as they tease him so he struggles to say something to make him defend himself. Yes, Charlie is, admittedly, flirty with Nick, but Nick hasn’t said or done anything to make Charlie think he’s uncomfortable. If anything, Nick is more of a flirt with him than Charlie is, considering he identifies as aromantic.
And Charlie, stupid, naive, helplessly romantic Charlie, somehow let himself think he could have a chance.
But now, the communication is gone and Charlie is left wondering. Just like he was five years ago. He promised. He promised. He promised he wouldn't do this again.
Elle has tried to convince them to let Nick take his time and that he’ll come to Charlie when he’s ready but at this point, it has been two days and Charlie’s fourteen sent messages still remain unread.
He can’t believe that this is happening to him, again.
Is Nick really, seriously, ghosting me again? Or am I missing something? Was I missing it back then too? Either way, he’s being a prized cockwomble and I need him to get his head out of his selfish arse and talk to me before I go completely mad, thinking that I’ve been imagining this whole thing.
They rap on the door, loudly, and wait, letting their anger simmer just under the surface while he acknowledges it likely won’t be Nick who answers the door and they’ll have to be prepared to make small talk with someone before they barge into Nick’s room.
Darcy answers the door, as expected it isn’t Nick, and they take one look at Charlie’s face before simply stepping out of the way and gesturing towards Nick’s room. Charlie sees Tara coming out and she too doesn’t try to talk to him. They walk into the room and are faced, immediately, by the state of the place.
Nick is lying in a heap of crumpled bedding, the sheet pulled up over his face. There is a scattering of dirty plates and mugs on the bedside table and the floor that demonstrate that his friends have at least been keeping him fed and watered, but it honestly doesn’t look like Nick has left the bed for anything but the loo since Charlie helped him in here after his panic attack.
“Nick, come out, right now.” He says, frustration evident in his voice even as he stares at the room and knows that he should probably not push this too fast too soon. “I’m not going anywhere this time, Nick and I resent that you have even tried, once again, to fucking ghost yourself out of my life by ignoring my messages for days when I’ve been worried sick. We’re too old for it this time, Nick. We’ve been through too much and I won’t let you do it, so come out here and talk to me, you absolute prick!”
Nick’s head slowly emerges from under the covers and Charlie feels some of their entirely righteous anger dissipate in the face of the pathetic creature before him. Nick is ashen, his hair rumpled and sticking up at all angles.
Shit, I can’t yell at that! Charlie thinks.
Though to Nick he says, “I have so many things that I came down here to say to you, and I am absolutely going to say them, but before I do you are going to get out of this bed, you’re going to have a shower and you’re going to brush your teeth.”
Nick looks so taken aback by the instruction that he doesn’t even argue. He comes out from under the covers and walks like an automaton to the bathroom. While he’s gone, Charlie lets his frustration sit right under the surface. They’re going to have this out with Nick but they can’t yell at the man when he looks like that. While Nick is in the shower Charlie compulsively tidies, taking plates and mugs and putting them in the kitchen sink, stripping Nick’s sheets and finding fresh ones in a dresser drawer. He has the place looking halfway decent by the time Nick comes out of the bathroom and he is in the kitchen with the kettle boiling ready for tea.
When Nick emerges from his room he does look more like himself, despite the still evident shadows under his eyes from the clearly fitful rest he’s had while he’s been in this stupor. No, I refuse to feel sorry for him, the bastard needs to explain! Charlie thought to himself.
“Charlie, you didn’t have to do all that.” Nick protests.
“Oh, don’t you worry, I didn’t actually do the washing up, you’re on your own on that, and I’m not any less mad at you right now, I just needed to actually be able to look at you. Now, here, take this tea, that you do not deserve, come and sit on this sofa and tell me why the hell I haven’t heard from you since I put you to bed after you had a fucking panic attack in front of me. In fact, tell me what that was all about, let’s start there!”
Nick takes in a sharp breath of worry and shakes his head. “Charlie, I can’t–”
“Why won’t you fucking talk to me?” Charlie asks, exasperated. They don’t realise that they’re crying until he can taste the salty liquid on his lips as he talks. “You left me in the fucking dark and left me wondering what I’ve done wrong, again!”
All the pent-up frustration and desperation of not having an answer all those years ago work overtime, bubbling to the surface before Charlie can stop it from happening. A choked sob falls from their lips before they can catch it, but he pushes through, needing to get his thoughts out of his head.
“You haven't done anything wrong, I just–” Nick whispers, it almost sounds sincere but Charlie picks up the roughness around the edges. Not to have a repeat of Ben, Charlie cuts him off. They won’t fall for it with Nick like they did with that rat bastard.
“No! You don’t get to tell me how I didn’t do anything wrong, okay? Because if I didn’t, you wouldn’t have cut me off!” The tears pouring down his face are in full force now, they feel like they’re drowning in their anger.
“I can’t try to repair what you broke again! It took too long and I’ve worked too hard to fall apart over you again. You promised . You promised you wouldn't shut me out, you promised that you’d talk to me.”
Charlie feels his heart shatter at his last few words, but they clench their fists, determined to let Nick know how much they’ve been affected by his actions. “I can’t do this anymore! I can’t keep walking around on eggshells around you. And this time it's my turn to end this. I don’t deserve this. I’m sick and tired of doing this will they, won't they dance with you. I’m done. Fuck you, Nick.”
And with that, they spin on their heels and walk out, slamming the door behind them.
—
Nick can only watch in a mixture of shock and bewilderment as Charlie walks out for the second time in his life. He wants – needs – to get up and run after him and tell them how he really feels, but he’s stuck in place. His brain is screaming at him to get up and go and to snap out of it, but he physically can’t and it’s killing him. All he can do is stare at the front door that just slammed in front of him. He breaks out of his daze when a voice calls out for him.
“Nick?” Tara asks, tenderly almost afraid that her voice is going to crack the walls, “You okay?”
“Shit,” Nick blinks out of his trance and stands up, “No. No!” It’s not a response to her question. He didn’t even properly hear her because all he can think about is how he let Charlie slip through his fingers once again. He feels Tara’s warm hand guide him back down to the sofa from his arm.
“Nick, look at me.”
His head snaps to look at her. He sees Isaac and Darcy standing a few feet behind her and when he sees the fallen looks on their faces the dam breaks. She pulls him in and holds him as his shoulders shake with his sobs. “It’s going to be okay, darling. We can fix this. Just give Charlie some time. He’ll come around.”
“No,” Nick’s voice breaks, “you heard what they said. It’s done.”
“It’s not done!” Tara pulls back so she’s face to face with him, “Charlie said it himself, you’re both older now. You will be able to work this out and if you need the Gay Avengers to support you, we will.”
“Tara’s right!” Darcy interjects, “We’ll be here the whole time and we’ll be at your rugby match tomorrow cheering you on the whole time. And then we can sit down and figure out what to do about Charlie. Together.” Darcy doesn’t get serious very often but by the tone of their voice Nick can tell that they're being genuine.
Nick sniffles and nods, “Okay,” He stands up from the sofa and wipes his hands on his joggers, “I think I’m gonna go to bed now.”
“Are you sure?” Isaac asks, “I can make us a really quick dinner?”
Nick nods, “I’m not hungry. But,” he sighs and shifts from one foot to the other, “can I have a hug?”
“Aww of course, Nicky!” Darcy wastes no time hopping over to Nick and pouncing on him, wrapping their arms around his shoulders. Nick doesn’t have the energy or brain cells to tell them not to call him that so he just lets himself be hugged, sniffling into their hair once he feels Isaac and Tara’s arms around him too.
They all pull apart after a few moments and Nick retreats back into his room and under his covers. Covers that are clean for the first time in days and he feels another wave of sadness hit him that Charlie, even mad at him, did something so domestic as to change his sheets.
How could this have happened? He was so sure that he’d fixed everything between him and Charlie and he was so sure that he wouldn’t have to worry about his sexuality again, but here he is alone once more. He let Charlie slip through his fingers, just like he did the last time. Pushed him away was more like it, and he can’t even blame Charlie for walking out. He hadn’t been able to get a single word out that would have even begun to explain the fizzing ball of uncertainty in his gut as he has struggled to make sense of the way he feels about Charlie. He wishes that Charlie hadn’t been so quick to jump into self-protect mode and walk away, but he can’t blame him for that either. He had hurt him, exactly like this, once before and he knew what that had done to him the first time. How is it that he still isn’t sure how his identity and his feelings could possibly be tied together? Maybe his friends were right and he needed to take a serious look at his labels and find one that lets Charlie fit.
—
When Charlie walks through their door he can feel his friends eyes snap to him without even having to look.
“Oh, Charlie,” Elle sighs. He can hear her footsteps coming closer to them and they have to fight back a new set of tears threatening to spill over. “Let’s sit down, yeah, darling?”
Charlie nods and lets himself be taken over to their sofa and Tao and Aled are immediately on either side of them. Elle wraps him and a hug and the tears win.
“It’s just not fair,” he chokes out, “I like him so much and I know he likes me too, I can feel it! I can see it in his face, like, I’m not stupid, you know? And I’m being so obvious.”
“I know, Charlie, you just have to give him some time.” Aled reasons.
“I have absolutely no problem giving him as much time as he needs. Figuring out your sexuality is hard, I know that, but he can at least talk to me about it. He promised. He promised he’d come to me. He promised that this wouldn’t happen again.” They press the heel of their palms into their eyes to stop the rest of the tears from falling.
“I just don't understand.” Charlie sniffles. “Is it me? Is it because I’m like the worst person to want to be in a relationship with? Like, I know my OCD and my eating disorder can be frustrating to deal with, but I've been doing so well that you wouldn’t even know.”
Tao’s expression hardens and he grabs Charlie by his shoulders. “It is absolutely not you that’s the problem, Charlie. It’s all him. He refuses to talk to you and communicate and would rather bottle it all up and hurt himself and other people in the process. Seems pretty cowardly to me.”
“He’s not a coward, Tao.” Charlie says through whatever tears he has left. “He’s Nick. It’s just the way he is. He’s an overthinker and a people pleaser and he always puts others before himself.” Charlie’s expression softens at the thought of him. They know that nothing really has happened between them yet and there really isn’t anything to label but, that’s his boy. His Nick. “He’s just going through something really difficult and I freaked him out by pushing him to have answers for me before he even knows what they are for himself.”
Tao continues to look sceptical and starts to say something but Charlie cuts him off. "I didn’t mean what I told him. It isn’t over. Yes, he's pissed me off by even coming close to repeating history, but he's been my friend for a long time and for him to not be talking to me, now , when he knows that it could make me bolt for the horizon and not look back, there is something going on. There’s been this weird tension recently, like we’re both holding back from something else, something more, and I just can’t shake the idea that that might have something to do with what he’s struggling with. He’s told me he’s ace, and maybe he came to that conclusion because of five years ago and whatever’s happened since, but if what I’m feeling is real - and I’m so convinced it is - maybe he’s in crisis. Either way, he deserves my patience, and my persistence. He should know that even though I’m mad at him, I still want him to be in my life. I’m going to his rugby match tomorrow.”
And with that they stand up, thanking his favourite group of people and wishing them all a goodnight. He goes to his bathroom and does his meticulously thought out face and curl routine before changing into pyjamas and going to bed with nothing but Nick and what they’re going to say to him on his mind the whole night.
—
Charlie is snappy and on edge the entire day of the match. Their friends were prepared though, not taking his snippiness personally and letting him lash out to take the edge off his nerves. They remind themselves to make him thank them all for that, when he finally found a way to let it all go.
Charlie bundles up in his cold weather gear, including a team scarf he’d ‘borrowed’ from Nick a while ago and spends the majority of the journey to the stadium having an entirely fruitless and circular conversation with himself in his head, going back over everything that had gone on with Nick since they found each other again.
I know that I’m not imagining the connection we have , he says to himself, before adding I suppose I could be. He did say he was ace.
Charlie determines that he’s going to sit through the match and then find a way, when it is over, to get Nick to sit down with him again when he isn’t so emotional and maybe get to the bottom of it all.
The stadium is busy and they hurry to find their seat. He has a good one because Nick had been able to set them up, and so he’s able to see Nick pretty clearly while he plays. Nick would also be able to see them too. Charlie isn’t sure if that is good or bad, they don’t want Nick distracted, but they do want Nick to be reassured by his presence.
Aled, Elle, and Tao tried to insist on joining Charlie before he left but he had reassured them that he was fine. And he is. They’re not as much in the dark as they were a few days ago. They know what they want and he knows Nick deserves a chance to actually explain himself before Charlie jumps to conclusions once again.
It starts pummeling down with rain when the teams jog out onto the field before the match and both sides start doing their last minute warm ups. Nick doesn’t glance in Charlie’s direction, but Charlie can see him and is struck all over again by Nick’s physique. Charlie lets himself get lost in the air of anticipation fizzing through the crowd and releases his eyes from Nick to take in the sight of a field full of hulking great men in the tiniest sports shorts. This is going to be a good afternoon, despite the rain and the cold.
—
Nick is so focused on getting out of his head and putting all he can into the match once it starts. He pushes all thoughts of Charlie aside and zones in on making as many tries as he can. Charlie probably hasn’t shown up anyway. They were so angry when they left, and rightfully so. Nick doesn’t expect for Charlie to speak to him ever again. His body is slick from both sweat and rain but he still manages to tackle the player he’s charging towards.
He’s just about to grab the ball from the opposing team when his eyes catch sight of Charlie in the stands.
They’re here.
Nick freezes. Charlie looks so good. He’s sitting right up on the second row and Nick has a perfect view of him. They’re wearing the scarf that Nick ‘lent’ him and is bundled up to protect himself from the cold and stormy weather.
The rest of the team are trying to get Nick’s attention, calling his name, but he’s checked out. He forgets he’s standing on the pitch, he forgets he’s in the middle of a fucking match, and he can’t even feel the rain hitting against his skin.
Everything around him slips out of focus as his entire field of vision hones in on Charlie, who’s now looking at him with an adorable worried expression.
He wasn’t expecting this. He isn’t prepared. How is he meant to face him after what happened? Before his brain can register it, his legs are moving and suddenly he’s sprinting off the pitch and out of the stadium. Fuck the game, or his phone, or his bag, or his change of clothes. He needs to think.
Nick jogs as far as his legs can take him, ending up at the dog park he takes Nellie and Henry to when his mum comes to visit. He sits on a bench and watches the dogs playing and running while the rain washes over him.
Charlie actually showed up. What does that mean?
Did he show up out of pity? Because they felt bad that they said they would and now he’s just keeping a promise? Or maybe… Maybe he showed up because he actually wanted to.
There's no doubt about the new energy that has formed between them over the last few months of their reconnection. Nick isn’t stupid. He knows he’s been aching to be closer to Charlie, to find a reason to wrap his arm around their shoulders or pull them into a hug for literally no reason. He just couldn’t figure out why or what it meant until a few days ago. Okay, maybe he’s a little stupid.
Nick knows that pulling away from Charlie because he started feeling too much for him was stupid. He got a second chance to have Charlie back in his life and instead of holding on to them he let them slip through his fingers. He needs to make it up to them, tell him everything that’s happened. He needs to talk to Charlie now. Like, right now.
Nick gets up from the bench, soaked to the skin and starting to shiver as the match heat ebbs away and he starts running towards Charlie.
—
Charlie comes back from the game confused and concerned after Nick had run off the pitch. They’d stuck around for the rest of the match but Nick didn’t make another appearance and Nick’s phone had just rung through to voicemail.
He takes a long hot shower to warm up and makes himself a cup of tea, startling when he hears a knock on the door. They place their mug down and patter through the lounge.
I’m not expecting anyone, am I? Elle and Tao are at their classes and Aled doesn’t finish work for a couple of hours. He snaps out of his thoughts when the knocking repeats. “One second!” He gets to the door, and unlocks it. They swing the door open and their jaw drops from what he’s met with.
Nick is there, dripping from the fact that it’s still pouring with rain. He’s soaking wet and there’s a desperate look in his eyes. He has no umbrella, and he’s still wearing his rugby clothes. Where has he been?
“Nick? What—” Charlie can’t begin to ask their question because Nick takes their face in his hands and kisses him. Like, properly kisses him. It takes Charlie a moment to process what’s happening but when they do, they waste no time kissing him back, because the only thing that would be worse than Nick kissing Charlie out of surprise would be Charlie not kissing back. Nick, much to Charlie’s despair, pulls away and he looks like he’s going to cry. “ Fuck. ”
“Nick—”
“Fuck, Char, I’m so sorry.” Tears well up in his eyes and fall down his cheeks. “I should’ve asked— No, I shouldn’t have even done that. I just— I can’t take it anymore . I can’t take your stupid pretty face, or your hair and your fucking eyes— You can’t just look like that and fucking flirt with me and expect me not to kiss you. Especially when you play with my hair and fix it when it’s all messed up. And that face you give me when I say something nice about you and you tilt your head and blush— That one! The one you’re doing right now, stop doing—”
“Oh my god, Nick you talk so much, shut up.” Charlie stops Nick’s spiralling, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, pulling him through the threshold of the door, and backing him up against it, as it shuts. Charlie pulls him down for another kiss and the world melts around them. There’s no rain, no tea getting cold, they can’t even hear the drama of the latest episode of Love Island playing on the telly. It’s just him and Nick. They let go of Nick’s collar and glide his hands up Nick’s biceps and wrap their arms around his neck as Nick’s hands find their waist.
Nick pulls them closer but Charlie pulls away. “Wait…”
A look of worry flashes behind Nick’s and he immediately takes his hands off of Charlie. “I’m sorry, I—”
“No. No sorries. I’m just… I thought you don’t get feelings for anyone?” Charlie guides him to the sofa, grabbing a towel off the back of the radiator for Nick to sit on, and they both sit.
—
Nick sighs and runs a hand through his soaked hair. Now’s his time to explain himself, to say things that he’s terrified to actually tell Charlie out loud. “I thought so too, I mean— I never felt romantic feelings towards anyone before. Ever. It’s just you . It’s always been you.” His eyes shift across the room, unable to look at Charlie. “And I’m so scared of fucking it up, Char. I don’t want to lose you again, I just— I couldn’t keep it in anymore. Isaac said I might be demi. I think he’s right… I also think I love you. And I want to be with you so badly.”
He looks down at his shoes, then closes his eyes, holding back another wave of tears bracing himself for what Charlie has to say. He feels two fingers trace his jaw, stopping at his chin and he’s guided to look up and open his eyes.
His honey eyes meet sharp blue and his eyes gloss over with tears for the third time. Charlie gives him the most earnest smile and pulls him in for a hug. Nick melts in Charlie’s arms and he feels like he can breathe again. He lets his head fall into its rightful place in Charlie’s neck and breathes in the smell of vanilla and bergamot. Charlie .
They sit like this for a while before Charlie pulls away from the hug, looking, swimming in Nick’s eyes and Charlie whispers. “I love you too.”
Nick can’t help but pull Charlie back in for another embrace. He never wants to let go.
“Where’d you run off too?” Charlie asks, slightly muffled from Nick’s shoulder. “Your phone went straight to voicemail, i was worried sick.” Their arms wrap around Nick’s torso and their body heat warms Nick up instantly.
Nick hums, resting his cheek atop Charlie’s head. “I went to the dog park and kind of forgot my phone. And my bag. And my house keys.”
Charlie reaches a hand up to Nick’s face, giggling a little. “Idiot.” His finger trails up his jawline and behind his ear.
Nick’s breath stops and he has to close his eyes just in case he’s dreaming because if he is, he doesn’t ever want to wake up. Then he feels long slim fingers spread through his hair and he feels himself melting into Charlie’s hand. He forces his eyes open again and his lips part, suddenly his breathing gets deeper and harder and he feels like he’s going to burst. This is all he’s ever wanted. His brows furrow and he takes a hold of Charlie’s face again and crashes his lips into theirs, Charlie’s lips sending sparks into Nick’s shooting through every single vein.
Nick pulls away to breathe, but his nose stays brushing against Charlie’s. His hands find a home on Charlie’s waist pulling him in closer. “I have no idea how to do this relationship thing,” Nick whispers. He really doesn’t.
“Neither do I. But…” Charlie smiles the most beautiful smile, his dimples coming forward. “I’m all in if you are.”
If Nick were to ever die, this would be the last thing he’d want to see. He chuckles and presses their foreheads together. “I’m definitely all in, Char. Is that even a question?”
Charlie shrugs and wraps their arms around Nick’s neck. “No, I guess not,” they giggle, pulling Nick in for another kiss.
Nick kisses back with all the love and devotion he can pour into it and silently thanks the universe for bringing Charlie back to him, knowing that he’ll do everything in his power to deserve it.