Rhetorical question

“To be or not to be?”

~ William Shakespeare on rather he should be gay or not.

“Do I know what rhetorical means?”

~ Homer Simpson on rhetorical questions

Isn't this the best-placed image you've ever seen? Isn't it obvious I spent a good hour searching for it? Am I a genius, or what?

Is a rhetorical question really that hard to define that you had to come here and look it up? Couldn't you have asked a friend, or a neighbor, or anyone with an IQ higher than sixteen and a half? Don't you think you'd be better off with a dictionary or some reliable source? I guess I'm just going to have to continue, aren't I? You're nodding your head, aren't you?

Well, what are we waiting for? The Apocalypse? The ice cream man? Let's get on with it, shall we?

So what is a rhetorical question?

Does this seem like something I should even bother talking about? Aren't you wasting your time here? Anyway, why don't we figure this out by process of elimination? How about a chart?

Thing	Rhetorical question?
I am tired.	No.
I have more pressing matters to attend to.	No.
I am sitting here with an idiot.	No.
Why am I doing this?	Yes!

Got it? No?

Listen, for God's sake, don't you have anything better to do? Play a game? Go outside? Talk to your friends, if you have any, or maybe make some fake friends on the Internet?

Why the hell are you still here?

Oh, my, isn't this a pretty picture? Sure you'd just love to come across this at eight o'clock in the morning, yeah?

What are some examples of rhetorical questions?

Didn't we just do that?

Why don't we say, just for the sake of argument, that there's this guy, right, and he's on the road, okay? And he's obeying the rules of the road, because, well, why wouldn't he? And then this complete, utter, moron, clearly the proof that evolution goes backwards for some fucks, comes out of absolutely nowhere and proceeds to ram his car straight into the first guy's, because that's just bloody polite now isn't it?

And then, yes, then, the drooling excuse for a human being gets out and says — no, demands — "Why don't you look where you're going?" How's that for an example? Oh, and in case you were wondering, you can't answer a rhetorical question, if you didn't know that already? So what choice does one have, then, you know, other than to punch that dunce in the face? Can you imagine how much you can regret not doing so? Think it'll just go away? You know, come to think of it, it damn well doesn't, so why don't we just plunge ahead and move on?

Ya think you could pay a little more attention? Just a smidgen? Just an ounce? Just enough so I don't go completely mad?

Is it really that hard to understand?

Am I crazy, or did you just read this whole article without so much as uttering a word? Don't you think I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall? Why don't we just stop this nonsense now?

Still haven't got the idea? Why don't you go get a clue and come back? Actually, why don't you just leave? Now? Isn't it past your bedtime? Am I not being direct enough? Perhaps I should be more blunt for your thick skull? Why don't you bugger off already and find something else to read? Think I want to just be here all day answering stupid questions? Can't you just go away and get a life somewhere?

Oh good God, more?

Don't you think we've already worked this out? You think it's at all possible I have things to do, places to go, people to see?

Okay, Do You Want an Answer?

A rhetorical question is a question that's not meant to be answered, Right? It can be used just like this, correct? Your pants are down? YEAH? How do I end this article? With a Rhetorical Question of Course!

Are you gay?

How about if you stop reading and do the damned research yourself? You can't bloody well count on a bunch of volunteers to give you answers all the time, does that seem fair? Now I think I've left my cat home alone, can't do that, can I? I'm off, why don't you find someone else to bother?