TVSquad

This week's letter comes from a fan named Jim Rodrigues.

Jim writes...
"I just saw an episode I've never seen before! This was rare indeed. It involved the crew of the Enterprise devolving into different creatures. Barkley became a spider. Captain Picard was becoming a lemur. Warf (sic) was biting amphibian Troi. It was my favorite episode other than one of the best T.V. episodes ever, "Cause and Effect." I was wondering if this "monsters running around" episode was released for Halloween? It would be the perfect October 31st episode. If someone knows the title and the date of release, I surely would appreciate it."

Star Trek: The Experience is ending after an 11 year run at the Las Vegas Hilton on September 1st, 2008. The interactive ride contained elements from the television series Star Trek: The Next Generation and Star Trek: Voyager.

Chad Boutte, Operations Manager and Director of Marketing, said in a press release, "Hailing frequencies open. We'd like to thank all the fans and friends of Star Trek, whose constant and amazing support we've enjoyed throughout our tenure at the Las Vegas Hilton. As we boldly go into the futures that await, know that we take your love of Star Trek: The Experience with us. We share the memories of time spent in the most unique place in the Galaxy, and we carry those memories into our futures with us. Live long, and prosper. Hailing frequencies closed." He said it in this fashion because he's a big nerd.

Cracked,I take back everything bad I ever said about you. Sure you began life as an also-ran copycat of Mad magazine and sure you dominate digg with a seemingly endless string of under-written pop-culture lists, but popularizing the following video makes it all better. Put it this way, I'm Kobe Bryant's wife and this video is a $4 million purple diamond ring.

Be warned before you click through, however, this video contains both obscene language and a shirtless Jean-Luc Picard in bed with Q. Also, if you play it more than two or three times, there's a chance the nerd secret police will repel line right into your office.

That said, this might be the best silly internet video to come out in a long while. I'm convinced it will usher in a new world order, much like the music of Wyld Stallyns. If you're prepared for that, follow me after the jump...

The "big" shows are over, and now the typically low-key summer TV schedule begins. Oh sure, there are some real gems in there that are still airing or will start soon, but overall the excitement is nothing like the September-through-May period. Maybe people are ... gasp ... going outside to enjoy the sun?

It's been two years since we first delved into the world of Retro Squad, so we're back now with what we believe is a better format. Rather than pick a few shows and only review one season from each throughout the summer, we're doing theme/show weeks. These weeks will not only have standout episode reviews from any past season, but we'll have themed lists, Vs., interviews and videos. There are only so many weeks in the summer, so we can't cover all of your favorites, but I think there's something for just about everyone here. Check out the schedule below, after the jump.

Now that California's gay marriage ban has been lifted, George Takei is getting married. The 71-year-old Star Trek actor recently announced that he would wed Brad Altman, his partner of 21 years.

Takei broke the news on his official website just one day after the California Supreme Court ruling. The couple has yet to set a date; Takei wrote that he and Altman, a business manager, were "enjoying the delicious dilemma of deciding where, when, and how [they] will be married." This news follows Ellen DeGeneres' announcement that she and girlfriend Portia de Rossi planned to marry in California.

Title: Code of Honor
Original Air Date: October 12, 1987
Written by: Katharyn Powers and Michael Baron
Directed by: Russ Mayberry
Episode: S01E04
Stardate: 41235.25

Synopsis: The inhabitants of the Federation planet Styris IV had the fish for dinner, leading to an outbreak of deadly Anchilles fever. With Styris IV's fate in the hands of Acting President Ted Striker and his intern Elaine, the Enterprise pays a visit to the only planet in the entire galaxy that can provide a vaccine, Ligon II.

Picard meets with the Ligonian leader Lutan and his little buddy Hagon when they beam up into the ship's cargo bay. On the way to meet them, Troi and Riker tell Picard that the Ligonians are a proud people with a very structured society. Picard thanks them for waiting until they're in the turbolift, going to the meeting to tell him this important information, instead of bogging down the pre-meeting briefing with it. When they get to the cargo bay, we discover that the Ligonians are also descended directly from a 1940s pulp novel set in deepest, darkest Africa, and that they are amused to discover that the Enterprise's security chief is a woman.

Oh good! We're going to be racist and sexist in this one!

Title: Angel One
Original Air Date: January 25, 1988
Written by: Patrick Barry
Directed by: Michael Rhodes
Episode: S01E14
Stardate: 41636.9

Synopsis: The Enterprise comes across the long-lost freighter Odin, which has been missing since Captain Hazelwood crashed the ship into an asteroid seven years ago. Three escape pods are missing and assumed to be on their way to Tatooine, but since the planet Angel One is closer, Picard decides to look there, first. Besides, it's supposedly run by hot babes who like to snu-snu, so Picard can finally dump that load of hats he's been hauling around since "Justice." And -- Science Fiction Cliche alert! -- it's "similar to mid-twentieth century Earth."

After a chilly initial audio-only contact with Angel One's leader, Mistress Beata, during which no one at all asks why the leader has a dom-sub porn name, Picard sends Riker, Troi, Tasha and Data down to the planet to get permission to look for any survivors. On their way to the transporter room, they run into Wesley and Nameless Extra Kid, who are wrapped up in Jiffy Pop suits and on their way to skiing lessons. On the holodeck's version of the Denubian alps. Now, for all the failings in this episode, here are two things it does right: the holodeck doesn't malfunction, and we don't have to watch Wesley and his friend doing their best Suzie Chapstick impression on the icy slopes of Mount Needaplotpoint (part of the majestic Isthisthebestyoucoulddo range).

Picard tells the away team that Angel One could one day be of strategic importance to the Federation, so they'd better be on their best behavior. Riker says, "Dude, is there any planet in the galaxy that isn't going to be of strategic importance to the Federation one day?" Picard responds, "If you keep asking questions like that, Number One, it's going to be fifteen years before you get your own command. Beam them away, Nameless Transporter Chief."

Nobody would ever confuse Rufus Sewell for Patrick Stewart (Star Trek: The Next Generation), right? Well, super-producer Jerry Bruckheimer has chosen Sewell for the lead in the $4 million pilot of the British drama series Eleventh Hour. Presumably, Rufus will be playing the same role Patrick played, that is Professor Ian Hood, Special Advisor to the government's Joint Sciences Committee, enlisted to tackle all kinds of dangerous threats stemming from science gone awry.

So, we've got this promotional thing going on with this new zero calorie sparkling drink from Pepsi called Tava. Haven't heard of it yet? Well, from what I can tell, you certainly will. What did they give us to give away? How does this sound:

• Two (2) 80GB iPod Classics.
  
• Five (5) swag bags containing TAVA Canvas tote bag, TAVA t-shirt and TAVA pen.
• Seven (7) sample packs of TAVA.

What do you need to do? Well, to accompany this post I'm listing a bunch of memorable fictional drinks from TV. All you need to do is list your favorite, either from this list or one I missed. More details on the giveaway are at the end of this post, after the jump.

Title: Datalore
Original Air Date: January 18, 1988
Teleplay by: Robert Lewin and Gene Roddenberry
Story by: Robert Lewin and Maurice Hurley
Directed by: Rob Bowman
Episode: S01E013
Stardate: 41242.4

Synopsis: After dropping off a bunch of Human Horn for Lurr in the Omicron Persei system, the Enterprise cruises into the nearby Omicron Theta system, to pay a visit to Data's home planet.

Omicon Theta was once a farming colony, but all the colonists -- and everything they once grew -- were all gone when Data was found. Oh! A mystery! Riker leads an away team to the planet's surface in an effort to solve it. (In a scene that was cut from the final episode, the USS Mystery Machine showed up, and captain Fred said, "Dang." before it flew away to the Scary Old Amusement Park galaxy.)

They make their way to the exact spot where Data was discovered: it's sort of a hollowed out area beneath a bunch of rocks, where Data tells them he was found wearing nothing more than a layer of dust. Before anyone can make a saucy reference about 'The Naked Now' to Tasha, Geordi's Visor reveals that the rocks aren't naturally hollow, and the "wall" opens up, revealing a twisty maze of passages, all alike.

If you're even mildly a fan of Star Trek: The Next Generation, you've no doubt heard of the recent release of the 20th anniversary edition of the complete series DVD set, complete with new bonus features. First you probably said to yourself, "holy crap, that was 20 years ago?! Get outta my yard!" You also likely groaned when you read the price tag of 400 smackeroos, which even for die-hard trekkies is a big pill to swallow.

I was lucky enough to recently get a look at what this new DVD set. Is it really better to have the entire series in an all-in-one case? Are the bonus features worth the price itself? Well, I'll tell you my thoughts, at least. (See here for a gallery of packaging images.)

Tonight at dinner, a friend of mine mentioned that he recently met Brent Spiner at an event. He then proceeded to tell me about how a particularly annoying Star Trek fan spent the entire evening bothering Spiner with questions about his character Data.

It reminded me of an episode of Joey where a similar thing happened, except in the episode, Spiner was more than happy to reminisce about his Star Trek days. He even went so far as to take Joey's nephew out to his car to show him his actual uniform from the show.

Are you a Captain Kirk fan or a Captain Picard fan? On one hand you have toupees and overacting and awesome songs, and on the other hand you have a calm, tea-drinking guy who pulls at his shirt all the time. I lean more toward Picard, but I often find that punching an alien instead of talking to him and sleeping with various female life forms gets the job done too.

In honor of Star Trek: The Next Generation's 20th anniversary,* Marty Beckerman makes a case for Jean-Luc Picard as President of the U.S. in this Huffington Post piece. More specifically, he compares the leadership qualities of the Enterprise captain with the leadership qualities of our current President.

It's a great piece, even if you're not a Trekkie geek virgin Star Trek aficionado.

* God I'm old.

In the life of a television show there are always changes. It could be the departure or addition of a cast member, a new set or shooting location, or just the aging of characters. But, those are subtle changes that many viewers just shrug off as the natural progression of a program.

Then there are those changes that are so drastic that they take viewers by surprise, making them wonder if this is the same show they watched the previous season. When these changes take place between the freshman and sophomore seasons of a show this really takes a toll on the fan base. Throughout the history of television there have been a number of shows that have seen such changes between the end of season one and the beginning of season two. After the jump you'll read about nine such examples.

Title: The Big Goodbye
Original Air Date: January 11, 1988
Written By: Tracy Torme
Directed by: Joseph L. Scanlan
Episode: S01E012
Stardate: 41997.7

The Enterprise is on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan, and the imperial senate will not stand for -- oh. Wait. Sorry. Wrong Star. Let's start over, shall we?

The Enterprise is on a diplomatic mission to meet the Jarada, an alien species with a peculiar affinity for protocol: if Picard doesn't speak a particular greeting in exactly the right way at exactly the right time, the Jaradan won't join the Federation, and they'll take all their mythical Jaradan weed with them.

Picard and Counselor Troi have been practicing his speech for hours, because it is just about the most important thing Picard has done since convincing Q that humanity isn't a bunch of asscocks. Because he is so aware of the significance of the meeting, he naturally closes up his books and heads down to the holodeck to goof off. (If my son Ryan, who is about to enter college, is reading this, please don't follow his example if you intend to graduate in four years. Keep studying. Your grades and my money thank you.)

Picard tells us in his personal log that he's looking forward to trying out something new called a holodeck program: rather than simply recreating a time or a place (or both) it recreates an entire fictional universe inside the Enterprise (infinite recursion alert! Infinite recursion alert!) with characters and a story, sort of like LARPing, if LARPing wasn't totally lame.