SSYoung

Nationalism does nothing but teach you how to hate people that you never met. And all of a sudden you take pride in accomplishments you had no part in whatsoever, and you brag about — and the Americans'll go "Fuck the French! Fuck the French, if we hadn't had saved their ass in two World Wars, they'd be speakin' German right now!" And you go, "Oh, was that us?" That was us? Was that me and you, Tommy, we saved the French? Jesus! I know I blacked out a little bit after that fourth shot of Jägermeister last night, but I don't remember... I know we went through the Wendy's drive-thru to get one of them "Freschetta" sandwiches that looked so alluring on the commercial, but then we ordered it and realized we had no money, and we had to ditch out before the second window, and those douchebags in line behind us with the bass music probably got our order and we laughed about that. But I don't remember savin' the French. At all! I went through the last ten calls on my cell phone and there's nothin' incoming or outgoing to the French, lookin' for muscle on a project! I checked my pants, there's no mud stains on the knees from where we were garroting Krauts in the trenches at Verdun. I think we didn't do anything but watch sports bloopers while we got hammered. I think we should shut the fuck up!
民族みんぞく主ぬし义教会かい你的唯一ゆいいつ一いち件けん事ごと，就是去さ憎にく恨那些你从没见过的てき人じん。突然とつぜん间，你就为那些从来らい没ぼつ有ゆう参与さんよ过的成就じょうじゅ感かん到いた骄傲，还为此大吹特吹——（法ほう国こく反はん对美国こく伊い拉ひしげ克かつ战争后きさき）美国びくに人じん总是说“艹他妈的法ほう国人くにびと！艹他妈的法ほう国人くにびと，要よう不ふ是ぜ当初とうしょ我わが们在两次世界せかい大だい战中救すくい了りょう他た们，现在他た们就得とく说德语了！”你这么说：“哦？是ぜ我わが们么？”是ぜ我わが们么？Tommy，是ぜ你和我わが，咱们两个去救すくい的てき法ほう国人くにびと么？天てん呐！我わが知道ともみち昨晚さくばん我わが喝かつ了りょう四杯野格酒就断片了一会儿，但ただし是ぜ我わが不ふ记得……我わが知道ともみち我わが们开到温ゆたか蒂汉堡的汽车点てん餐，买了广告上じょう特とく好こう看み的てき那な个三明治めいじ，但ただし是ぜ点てん完かん之の后きさき发现两人都と没ぼつ带钱，然しか后きさき没取ぼっしゅ餐没付づけ钱就直接ちょくせつ跑了，估计店てん员把我わが们点的てき东西给了后きさき边那群ぐん开着重じゅう低音ていおん的てき傻逼，然しか后きさき咱俩还嘲笑ちょうしょう他た们来着らいちゃく。但ただし是ぜ我わが不ふ记得救すくい了法りょうほう国人くにびと啊。屁へ都と不ふ记得啊！我わが看み手しゅ机上きじょう最さい后きさき十じゅう个电话，根本こんぽん没ぼつ有ゆう和わ法ほう国こく打だ过，没ぼつ有ゆう电话说要来らい招募我が！我わが看み我わが裤子上面うわつら连个泥どろ点てん都と没ぼつ有ゆう，更さら别说在ざい凡尔登とう的てき战壕里さと杀过德とく国こく鬼子おにご了りょう。我わが认为“我わが们”啥都没ぼつ干ひ过，就只是ぜ喝かつ高だか了りょう看み比ひ赛花絮。我わが认为“我わが们”应该闭上他た妈的臭しゅう嘴くちばし。

——Doug Stanhope，No Refund (2017) *
*: It's a fucking stand-up comedy, not a paper in an academic journal.