Nationalism does nothing but teach you how to hate people that you never met. And all of a sudden you take pride in accomplishments you had no part in whatsoever, and you brag about — and the Americans'll go "Fuck the French! Fuck the French, if we hadn't had saved their ass in two World Wars, they'd be speakin' German right now!" And you go, "Oh, was that us?" That was us? Was that me and you, Tommy, we saved the French? Jesus! I know I blacked out a little bit after that fourth shot of Jägermeister last night, but I don't remember... I know we went through the Wendy's drive-thru to get one of them "Freschetta" sandwiches that looked so alluring on the commercial, but then we ordered it and realized we had no money, and we had to ditch out before the second window, and those douchebags in line behind us with the bass music probably got our order and we laughed about that. But I don't remember savin' the French. At all! I went through the last ten calls on my cell phone and there's nothin' incoming or outgoing to the French, lookin' for muscle on a project! I checked my pants, there's no mud stains on the knees from where we were garroting Krauts in the trenches at Verdun. I think we didn't do anything but watch sports bloopers while we got hammered. I think we should shut the fuck up!
民族 主 义教会 你的唯一 一 件 事 ,就是去 憎 恨那些你从没见过的 人 。突然 间,你就为那些从来 没 有 参与 过的成就 感 到 骄傲,还为此大吹特吹——(法 国 反 对美国 伊 拉 克 战争后 )美国 人 总是说“艹他妈的法 国人 !艹他妈的法 国人 ,要 不 是 当初 我 们在两次世界 大 战中救 了 他 们,现在他 们就得 说德语了!”你这么说:“哦?是 我 们么?”是 我 们么?Tommy,是 你和我 ,咱们两个去救 的 法 国人 么?天 呐!我 知道 昨晚 我 喝 了 四杯野格酒就断片了一会儿,但 是 我 不 记得……我 知道 我 们开到温 蒂汉堡的汽车点 餐,买了广告上 特 好 看 的 那 个三明治 ,但 是 点 完 之 后 发现两人都 没 带钱,然 后 没取 餐没付 钱就直接 跑了,估计店 员把我 们点的 东西给了后 边那群 开着重 低音 的 傻逼,然 后 咱俩还嘲笑 他 们来着 。但 是 我 不 记得救 了法 国人 啊。屁 都 不 记得啊!我 看 手 机上 最 后 十 个电话,根本 没 有 和 法 国 打 过,没 有 电话说要来 招募我 !我 看 我 裤子上面 连个泥 点 都 没 有 ,更 别说在 凡尔登 的 战壕里 杀过德 国 鬼子 了 。我 认为“我 们”啥都没 干 过,就只是 喝 高 了 看 比 赛花絮。我 认为“我 们”应该闭上他 妈的臭 嘴 。——Doug Stanhope,No Refund (2017) *
*: It's a fucking stand-up comedy, not a paper in an academic journal.
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