UnNews:R&B stars talk nonsense at awards show

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

2 May 2014

Rihanna just being herself, showing people her nipples, as she would regardless of what her job was.

Some of the world's biggest R&B stars have used the occasion of the American Radio Awards to speak what experts are describing as "absolute nonsense."

Pharrell Williams, who might have a drug problem because he constantly breaks down in tears in public now, told the press: "I never dreamt in a million, million, million years that I would be standing here." Presumably this was because it was the first ever American Radio Awards, and it would have been difficult, even for an imaginative artist like Pharrell Williams, to picture himself at an awards ceremony that did not yet exist.

Professional prat Beyoncé, who shot to fame by singing about being an independent woman while cavorting in her underwear, praised Williams, saying, "He was the person who made it cool to just be you," said Beyonce. Williams' back catalogue includes tracks such as Lap Dance, Drop it Like It's Hot, Rock Your Body and Blurred Lines.

Sociologist Joanna Corey opined: "Williams is very lucky. For some people, 'being themselves' would have meant writing and producing songs about how insecure they felt, how they found money a constant pressure, and how socializing, far from being a source of champagne-fueled pleasure, actually led to feelings of anxiety and jealousy.

"Forunately for Pharrell, his 'himself' coincides exactly with conventional male fantasies about what it means to be a high status player and attractive to women."

Williams was not, however, the only artist to be associated with this idea of 'being onself'. Rihanna, whose ex-partner Chris Brown is still in custody as a consequence of the fallout over physically abusing her, told the audience: "It's not easy, what we do. It's very difficult at times."

The Bajan star, whose nipples are exposed in her latest Playboy shoot, added: "I never felt comfortable being anything other than myself."

This brought many in the crowd to tears. Jermaine Taylor, who works two jobs and had to take unpaid vacation to travel to the show, told UnNews: "I always thought of Rihanna as just this fantastic singer. I never stopped for one minute to think of how difficult her life is. Now I love her even more."

Overweight fan Letricia Bermuda was inspired by her heroine's words. "Every time I have made contact with record companies, they have told me that I can't be myself - that I have to lose weight, that I have to get re-styled - or that I might even only have a career as a writer, not a performer, because I am ugly.

"Now with Rihanna's words, I know this isn't true. I know in her case, 'being herself' has mostly involved conforming absolutely to a chauvinist concept of woman as a sex object and punching bag - but I hope the R&B charts has a place in its top 100 for a fat girl with no cleavage on show, singing songs about being bullied at school and feeling rejected by society."

Sources

• Leverage, "US Radio Awards Round-up" BBC, May 02, 2013