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Saturday, August 10, 2024, 01:53 (UTC)
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BREAKING NEWS: Kamala Harris announces running mate
  Former Gangster in Chief of the U.S. Armed Forces, Donald Trump, questioned on Wednesday how is it possible that Kamala Harris could be a Black Indian. According to American history, Trump said, Black people came to America through slave trade, while at the same time Indians were forced out of American lands. So, Trump asked, how could a Black person be also Indian at the same time? And why didn't the Whites use the Reds as slaves instead of just slapping them around? Couldn't they slap them around while forcing them to boil their eggs at the same time? Why did the slave have to be Black rather than Red?
 Yes. You heard that right. Jimmy Donaldson, also known as Mr. Beast, is no better than Jake Paul or RiceGum. Turns out all of those free giveaways were actually just poorly-run scams. To be fair, the proof was there all along, it's just that many people were naïve enough to believe a popular YouTuber could go a day without touching or exploiting little kids.
 Many people were chosen for the role that Gaga would play, including Taylor Swift, the remains of Michael Jackson, and Bonnie Tyler. However, all of these were not lewd enough for French officials, who allegedly stated, "Ze must be so lewd that ze can be fapped to!" Gaga, a hermaphrodite, fulfilled all of their demands, hence her inclusion in the ceremony.
 There are goddamn cocaine sharks off the coast of brazil. I'm not shitting you. They put chemicals in the water to give the fricking sharks cocaine. I don't give a shit about whatever off-brand cocaine shark movie technically exists somewhere, this is actually insane. What the fuck. Who does this.
There are goddamn drug production labs putting cocaine in the water. we're all going to die. cocaine sharks are going to rise from the deep and they will eat our children, they will eat our flesh, they will eat our country, and there will be nothing but blood and a long forgotten wish that it could have been okay. somehow, that in some other life, we could have thrived but no more. It is the end. The ocean is turning to blood cocaine and there are earthquakes and plagues of locusts and Donald Trump is up for re-election. I'm gonna fucking lose it, what the hell is up with this planet? For the second time in a month, something shocking has happened. Biden actually dropped out.
Despite some Democrats' attempts to prevent Biden from accessing his account, the old geezer managed to type his
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 Horoscopes See all Your horoscope for today: The heart wants what it wants. But that's not your heart, and you're not allowed to want them.
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