Taxonomy
Taxonomy is the fascinating study of dead animals.
Invented in 1543 by the late Dr. F. Taxonson, Taxonomy is often out shadowed by the more common though less loved invention, Tax.
Taxonomy involves the following:
1. Finding your animal, if this is something common like the Anteater then no problem but if it is rare like the Thingumy and Bob then you may have a harder time of it.
2. Naming your animal using Linnean classification. In this system of nomenclature, the first group is the largest (least specific) and the last is the most specific:
Side (East, West or Dark) ->
United Kingdom ->
Kingdom ->
Phylum ->
Posse ->
Order ->
All in the Family ->
Genus ->
Species ->
Clique
The final name of an animal is comprised of its Genus, Species and Clique classifications. Some examples:
- Neanderthal: Homo sapiens primitives
- Modern human being: Homo sapiens normals
- Ivy League graduate: Homo sapiens preps
Some scientists also add the All in the Family categorization to an organism's scientific name, but others decry this as a pointless measure since all organisms share the same All in the Family classification:
- Modern human being: Archie Bunker Homo sapiens normals
- Angsty teenager: Archie Bunker Homo sapiens gothics
- Archie Bunker: Archie Bunker Homo archie bunkers
3. Skinning and gutting; the animal must have its internal organs removed so they do not start to smell and leave a rotting mess inside the corpse. This is achieved by having small boys jump up and down on the animal 'til its too flat for the gerbils to eat.