HowTo:Change a Spare Tire

“Spare Tire Changing? I thought this was about sparing lives...”

~ Oscar Wilde on Spare Tire Changing

Spare Tire Changing can be a fun and/or pain in the ass thing to do, but what it really is is the art of changing tires, switching from one tire to another, whether the first tire is used, or not used, it's something to do sparingly. Men and Women can change a tire! it's easy as 1-2-3, or at least, some would like to think that anyway... When you learn the art of Sparetirechangery, then it's all good in the hood.

Required Equipment

You will need the following before you attempt Spare Tire Changing...

• An old tire
• A new tire
• A helmet
• A machete
• A guy named Jack
• A blowtorch
• A gasoline canister
• A lighter (A book of matches could work too)
• A machine gun
• Rubber gloves
• Natural craziness
• A brain (Optional)
• A computer to show this page
• A internet connection

Tire Removal

Did you get all that? Are you ready to learn how to change tires? Fantastic. Now, here are some ways you can remove that god damn son-of-a-bitch tire that just won't come off your car.

{{tip|right|Log onto your computer and go onto the internet and open this page to aid you in your tire changing needs.))

Take Everything Apart

1. Bring out the Natural Craziness
2. Repeat step one until you feel like doing something extremely crazy.
3. Take everything apart surrounding the old tire, and if you have trouble, feel free to break out that Machine gun, and just shoot constantly until that old tire is the only thing left
4. Now proceed to screwing the new tire on.

Scream Obscenities

1. Bring out the Natural Craziness
2. Repeat step one until you feel like doing something extremely crazy
3. Loom over your old tire, and scream all the obscenities you can at the thing, no matter how nasty, rascist, etc. they are.
4. Repeat step 3 until the old tire just falls right off.

Burn The Old Tire

File:Burning tires.jpg

An example of Tire Burning

1. Bring out the Natural Craziness
2. Repeat step one until you feel like doing something extremely crazy.
3. Proceed to Take Everything Apart
4. After you've done that, take the old tire, and bring it to a place far away from the car site, then bring your gasoline canister.
5. Douse the tire you took apart from the car with about 5 gallons of gasoline.
6. Now take a Lighter (Or Matchbook) and throw your lit lighter (Or match), into the gasoline-doused tire
7. Run like hell
8. Watch the giant fire rise, and enjoy the smell of burning rubber (Literally)

Blowtorch It

1. Bring out the Natural Craziness
2. Repeat step one until you feel like doing something extremely crazy
3. Get your rubber gloves and the blowtorch
4. Carve the tire off the car
5. Proceed to Burn The Old Tire

Screwing On The New Tire

Now that you've gotten rid of the old tire, and put it out of its misery, sent it to hell, yadda yadda. Now we can go about putting in that new tire.

1. Find your new tire
2. Go out on the street and look for a guy named Jack
3. Have Jack jack up the car to a height that works for you, to work with
4. Now get the new tire and give it to Jack
5. Tell Jack to screw the tire into the car
6. Now that the new tire is in your car, tell Jack to jack down, putting the car back on the ground
7. Tell Jack to go home
8. Celebrate your triumph of finally putting in that damned tire, and sending its older counterpart to it's maker

Congratulations

Way to go, you have successfully learned how to get rid of an old tire, and put on a new tire. See, the art of Spare Tire Changing isn't so bad, and it can be fun and humorous too, and makes a great story to tell your friends later, especially if you did it in an interesting manner.

See Also

• Cars
• Men
• Women
• Hood
• Brain
• NOFX