Doctor
This article is about a quack. If you mean the sci fi time traveller superhero....hence The Doctor?
“What are you doing?”
“It's always LUPUS!!!”
“Don't die!”
“Drugs don't add years to life , they add life to years”
“The Doctor will step away from the controls!”
“This, Motherfucker, is going in your ass!”
“You are Unwell It is all in your mind, you are unwell thats what you will find, there is nothing wrong with you, your reason for existence is a lie”
A doctor is nothing more than a drug dealer with a college degree (Note: Since Dr Dre has finished his degree, he should now be referred to as Dr.Dre, Ph.D. - not to be confused with Snoop Dogg, who has the title Pc.P.). It should also be noted that doctors are frequently torture hobbyists, who like to poke people with sharp objects, administer nasty tasting medications, give enemas, and do other things that cause previously normal people to look like trees and feel like potential violent criminals. A doctor has to say a "hypocritical oath," which means that they can nag you about your own eating habits while being a lardass him/herself.
"Doctors are sadists who love to hear poorer people scream"
So, forget about anatomy and forget about diseases - if you're really ill, don't waste your money; pop some DayQuills and a GinTonic and you're far better off. Doctors should ONLY be consulted when you need to get high. So, now to the essentials - how to get cheap dope from 'em.
Doctor's Origins
The word DOCTOR comes from the Greek dokein meaning decent, as in "I thought I was going to make a decent living doing this sh*t." They also come from India. Doctors were first used commercially to despense something called vicodin, a strange and magical pill that grows on some trees deep in the carnivorous forests in central-western Indo-Pakistan.
The doctor is in
- DOCTORS HATE THEIR PATIENTS. [[You need to understand and embrace this concept. I have personally referred to my patients as "hoopleheads" and "that A-hole out in the waiting room." The sooner you come to terms with this the quicker you will understand the concept of "the rectal exam" as well as other painful medical procedures. You really don't think we know how much it hurts? We've gone to school longer than you've been alive - of course we know it hurts. Thats why we do it. Aside from that, it's a smashing good way to make a living if you happen to be sadistic by nature. Ever notice that whenever you miss appointments and don't go for several days you get charged millions of pounds/dollars? That's to make sure you show up for our amusement - why else would you, after all, if there weren't unbelievable piles of money at stake when you didn't? - and make us feel a little better when you disappoint us by not making it in.]]
The doctor is high
....on making you feel better. Or Laughing Gas. Honestly. Pay no attention to my dilated pupils and uncontrollable drooling. And yes, it is normal for you to bleed that much every month...and you...and you...yes, you too...you ALL ask me that!
The doctor will
- prescribe painful, rectally administered procedures.
- Tell you to relax and that you won't feel a thing, then hurt you so bad you scream in pain.
Rubber gloves and other things...
Doctors like to hurt you, and here are some tools of their trade:
- Rubber gloves. They are the worst because when you here them snap on, you almost scream in fear.
- Speculum. Females know about this one! It is a tool made for causing pain. And, the doctor uses this tool while wearing rubber gloves!
- Needles. You are laying on the exam table, and you feel a chill as the gloves go on. You wait while the doctor prepares the injection. You begin to sweat in fear as the doctor prepares you for the injection. He tells you to relax and that you will not feel a thing. Then he stabs your ass with a three inch needle. Yeah...
- Proctoscope. Males, you know what I am talking about...
The Doctor Is Hot
This is rare, but can be very hot. Doctors know a lot about the body, and therefore can do a lot of interesting things to, yes, your body!!! The two ideas simply go hand-in-hand.
If you can, get a boo-boo on some place he/she can just kiss better. That, if we've learned anything from porn, leads to hot sex! Woot!
AND, if the doctor IS hot, then maybe you can be so focused on them that you will not feel the terrible pain they cause you. OUCH!!! GET THAT THING OUT OF MY ASS!
Pain
Why do doctors cause pain? That's what they do. If you go to the doctor, they are going to hurt you. Here are some tips to be ready for the pain that is comming. It will hurt if:
- A doctor says "this won't hurt"
- you see things like needles, sharp things, or devices that look like something out of a horror movie
- your doctor tells you to relax
- If your doctor says "You will feel some discomfort"
- The doctor snaps on rubber gloves
Questions about doctors
- 1. Why is it that doctors always say "this won't hurt" just before they hurt you?
- A. To catch you off guard.
- 2. What do doctors keep under their white coats?
- A. needles and instruments and rubber gloves and smartphones that they use to secretly Twitpic you to all of their doctor friends...
- 3. Why do some hot women choose to be doctors?
- A. Rule 34 and/or because they're sadists.
Famous doctors
- Dr. Finger (gynecologist)
- Dr. Pepper
- Dr. Hibbert
- Dr. Dre
- Dr. Seuss
- Dr. Sal Monella
- Dr. Ass
- Dr. Yamak, Kazakh Government Official
- Dr. Ann Orexia
- Dr Nick Riveara
- Dr. Doom
- Dr. Rec Tal Pain
- Dr. Rusty Sputum
- Dr. Mel Anoma
- Dr. Sbaitso
- Dr. Ruth (Hello, you are on the air!)
- Dr. Leonard McCoy
- Dr. Who
- Dr. X
- Dr. Evil
- Dr. Jekyll
- Dr. Zoidberg
- Dr. Ian Paisley
- Dr. Barnaby
- Dr. Wily
- Dr. Light
- Dr. Lan
- Dr. Sodomy
- Dr. Horrible
- Dr. Tran
- Dr. Robotnik
- Doctor, doctor, give me the news. I got a bad case of loving you