UnNews:BP's chief meerkat caught cheating
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
14 April 2011
LONDON, United Kingdom.-- BP's chief cuddly oil boss meerkat has been exposed as 'two-timing rat' when it was alleged he has been caught bed hopping in Moscow this week.
Aleksandr Orlov, who is Chief Rodent of the international petroleum company BP, was caught emerging from the bedroom of Russian oil flirt, Madame Stash-Roubles Rosneft after he had earlier booked into the hotel with another slick partner (identified as Mrs TNK-BP) earlier than evening. When collared and put on lead by the police, Orlov protested that he was 'only doing what any free meerkat would do' and had been looking for another 'friend' to share a burrow with and compare his wife too. He also denied he was a 'love anything' and suggested Mrs TNK-BP had approved of her partner's financially promiscuous behavior - but attempts to get her to bail out her erstwhile husband were met with a switched off telephone.
This isn't the first time Orlov has been caught with oily paws. Last year. Orlov took on the job of Chairmeerkat of BP following a fight outside his home in the tv series Meerkat Manor. His fiesty behavior then and a reputation as a telegenic sales meerkat who could sell bad insurance got him noticed by BP. However as power went to his hind legs, it is now alleged Orlov decided to spread some of his 'meerkat charisma' around by visiting 'business partners' in their hotel bedrooms.
Orlov was eventually allowed access to the media but chose to speak to UnNews first, by using a tin-can-on-a-string link with one of our desperate dedicated reporters.
..I was treated very badly by Stash-Roubles Rosneft. I told my wife 'TNK' that I was just popping out for a stroll and the next thing I knew, I was in a different room three floors below and being introduced to Madame Rosneft in her shower. It was all innocent, I was only in there holding her soap dish when the next thing I knew, our meeting had gone public with the help of the Russian police. Now Mrs TNK is threatening to remove my assets with a pair of sharp scissors and a good vet.
So far BP says there are 'fully behind' Orlov - with a large stone to drop on him from a great height. So far Orlov has chosen to stay in Moscow to avoid his bosses, and more likely, his very angry wife.
Sources
- Staff "BP's recent problems" Daily Telegraph, April 14, 2011
- Staff "BP's oil dance" Sky News, April 14, 2011