Sheep shagging
Sheep shagging was first practised in 1563 as a competition to see how many sheep could be brought to orgasm in 5 minutes. Conor Lynn owns the world record for most sheep bought to orgasm, with 27 sheep in 5 minutes. The game was very popular in small welsh towns and was commonly played at local town fêtes and wedding receptions. It was not long before the idea moved from just a game into one of the most popular welsh pastimes. Pretty soon the concept spread to London, where it peaked interest with the male members of the royal family, it became more popular than royal cousin shagging, as the sheep could be roasted afterwards, removing all evidence. From there it has been carried to other lands, where strange people live in their little mud houses, watching their brand new plasma screen Tv's. As time progressed the game of sheep shagging died out and sheep shagging was no longer a social event however its concept remains to this day in the hearts of lonely welsh, it is most often practised at 11:15pm every night, after the local pubs have closed. It is not just the men who divulge in sheep debauchery, the women (from first post coital experience) often prefer the rams as the sex only lasts 10 seconds, and involves no talking afterwards. Sheep shagging is the biggest welsh past time nowadays, and is responsible for such cross breeding abominations as Tom Jones and Steve Strange.
Why Shag sheep?
There are many reasons that sheep are used. And these are the following:
- You are from County Kerry, Ireland
- They are rather weak animals and will not put up too much of a fight
- Sheep are sexy
- Sheep are juuuuuuust right. Peter Lamb loves shagging sheep so much, he changed his surname..
because the tissues have ran out
The results of Sheep Shagging
If the sheep that is being shagged is old it may have a rather scratchy arsehole and the shagger is likely to end up with a sore foreskin. The sorer and more withered a sheep shagger's penis is, the more accomplished and respected he is.
There are side effects to sheep shagging. One of these is the urge to move to Platteville, WI and become a sheep farmer. Now, although this has its up sides, such as a constant supply of horny farm animals, a big sheltered wooden barn for "you know what" and the right to sit on a ledge on a rocking chair next to an empty field with a shot gun saying "Damn youngins. Get offa my land!" There are also the not-so-good sides to this way of life and these are as follows
- Sore teeth from all that straw you will have to chew
- Big red lines down your chest from those suspenders (many sheep will find this a turn off because they are only farm animals and will want another sheep to have sex with them not a human.
- You could get arrested, which is very good if you are bursting for your first criminal record.
- You might end up speaking Welsh and have to ask Boudicca to translate.