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Sex
- Article feature date: 4 March 2013
- Feature code: NA because refeature
- This section can safely be removed on 8 March 2013
04 March 2013
From now until March 10, we'll be re-featuring the Top 10 Articles of 2012. This article tied for 5th place.
Well... um...
Where do I start. Uh. So. Yeah. Sex... It's, uh... what about sex?
Jesus Christ, where the hell is your mother?
Well, you see, kid, sex is a thing that two... uh, consenting adults, who are always very much in love, and always of the opposite gender... well, actually, I suppose you could both be boys and do it, I mean, men, not boys, you have to be men. Or girls? Or a boy and a girl. Man and a girl! Wait, no! Woman! Man and a woman! Or woman and woman, I won't judge.
Where was I going with this? (more...)
God's userpage
- Article feature date: 5 March 2013
- Feature code: NA because refeature
- This section can safely be removed on 9 March 2013
05 March 2013
From now until March 10, we'll be re-featuring the Top 10 Articles of 2012. This article tied for 5th place.
And now, some musings from God's userpage
So I hear you're pretty hot shit up there in heaven. Any musings that didn't make it into the bible you'd like to share with us? --Dr. Strangelove 08:47, January 3, 96 bya (UTC)
- Well this one time this priest was talking total shit in one of my churches, I mean, like he was really fuckin' it up, right? So he goes, "And on the 7th day, he rested!" And I'm like, "You really think that's how it happened? Naw, on the 7th day I got high and partied 'till two cops showed up at the door and told me stop. Then I turned them into a pair of studded leather boots and a clod of dirt, respectively. And after that, I partied the rest of the night through!" But this motherfucker is all like, "Don't listen to this foul voice from the heavens! 'Tis the devil trying to play tricks on us!" And I'm like, "Bitch, this is my house." And smite him. Ha ha ha, good times... --
God talk - contribs 09:00, January 3, 96 bya (UTC)
- ... --Dr. Strangelove 09:16, January 3, 96 bya (UTC)
Saturn (Lying Bitch)
- Article feature date: 5 March 2013
- Feature code: NA because refeature
- This section can safely be removed on 9 March 2013
06 March 2013
From now until March 10, we'll be re-featuring the Top 10 Articles of 2012. This article tied for 5th place.
Saturn is a lying, bitchy piece of shit. Her specialties are propaganda and lies, and she has used these skills to become the major political player in the solar system. Saturn was the one that pushed for Pluto to lose planetary status. Was it any coincidence that just a few short weeks after their disastrous August 5, 2006 romantic date (Which Pluto's Facebook status update revealed "Couldn't have ended soon enough.") that Pluto was removed from textbooks worldwide? Or that just a year after that, Pluto went missing, and hasn't been heard from since? Interstellar police (more on them later) have called the circumstances suspicious, but still expect Pluto to turn up eventually, stating that it should cross paths with Neptune in a couple hundred years or so. Why aren't they searching harder? What does Saturn have on them? (read more...)
An infinite number of monkeys with typewriters
- Article feature date: 7 March 2013
- Feature code: NA because refeature
- This section can safely be removed on 10 March 2013
07 March 2013
From now until March 10, we'll be re-featuring the Top 10 Articles of 2012. This article tied for 3rd place.
Infinity is not a number, but a concept. This means there is no possible way to have an infinite number of anything, let alone animals of a particular species. Despite this fact, if one were to be given an infinite number of monkeys with typewriters, and notwithstanding the obvious infinite patience required, some finite number of those monkeys will actually (not metaphorically or figuratively) type, word-for-word, the complete works of William Shakespeare.
This statement is true. Perhaps it seems outlandish, but this is the purpose of the thought experiment - to help the reader conceptualize infinity. It absolutely will happen. (read more!)
War
- Article feature date: 8 March 2013
- Feature code: NA because refeature
- This section can safely be removed on 11 March 2013
08 March 2013
From now until March 10, we'll be re-featuring the Top 10 Articles of 2012. This article tied for 3rd place.
War is a term used to describe what happens when two opposing forces want either the same thing or contradicting things, thus leading to tons of shit blowing up. War is also one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, along with Elmer Layden, Jim Crowley, and Harry Stuhldreher (or maybe that's something else). Anyway, many people consider war to be evil and unnecessary, yet when the pros and cons are analyzed, this claim begins to fall flat.
First of all, as more and more soldiers go off to fight whoever the enemy might be for the moment, they leave their jobs behind... and that means more jobs for you! Let's say that the salesman in the cubicle next to you with the $2,000 a month salary leaves work to go fight the Arabs in Afghanistan. Suddenly, you're sitting in that cubicle making $2,000 a month! Not to mention that the war industry will provide you with employment if you get fired. Or, if you want to be righteous, you could go fight in the war yourself (Most armies offer a pretty damn good dental plan). (read more!)